Archive for the ‘strippers’ Category

Coach Stone?

Posted: November 16, 2011 by Keith Stone in awesome, basketball, NBA lockout, strippers

Strippers are magnanimous. They’re always there to cheer you up, lend you an ear to talk to, or even help keep the sidewalks clean, but now this is just too much. These Mother Teresas of the pole are going to make us forget about the NBA lockout. The ladies of Rick’s are starting their own basketball league with 11 teams representing every city where Rick’s is based out of.

As a magnanimous individual myself, I want to offer my services to the New York squad in any way possible. It’s always been my dream to roam the sidelines like Jeff Van Gundy (with hair). Now obviously, I’m not as qualified a coaching candidate as Dennis Rodman or Stephen Jackson, but I have heart, dammit. Either that or towel boy. I would definitely be a great towel boy. Even cheering on the girls from the stands would be enough for me, as long as we beat Tootsie’s in Miami.

Total Pro Sports

Booty Bus!

Posted: September 30, 2011 by Keith Stone in Detroit Rock City, strippers

I hate to kick a city while it’s down (except Boston) but this week is an exception for Detroit. Motor City is so dirty they actually have a bus called the Booty Lounge that operates as a strip club for tailgaters at Lions games. Wait a minute, actually that’s awesome. Unfortunately, the police are investigating the legality of the Booty Lounge, while some officers are under fire for taking pictures with strippers while “investigating.” The bus is outfitted with two stages, stripper poles, and a smoke machine, and customers hand over a suggested donation of $10 before going in. See, the Booty Lounge is classy. The only other place I’ve seen with a suggested donation is a museum.

The Booty Lounge is a microcosm for the decline in Detroit. In this situation, you have some brilliant entrepreneurs bringing economic development to the area, and the cops want to shut them down. This is the greatest automotive innovation since Henry Ford, maybe even greater. If Ford was stopped as his business was beginning, Detroit wouldn’t even exist. The Booty Lounge must live on. In fact, put these guys in charge of GM. The economic fate of Detroit rests on it.

And while we’re at it, can we maybe get a Booty Bus movie starring Snoop Dogg and Cedric the Entertainer as down-on-their-luck buddies who take their failing strip club mobile and become millionaires? Gabrielle Union and Meagan Good could play strippers. I would watch this.

CBS News

Jabroni of the Week: W.A. Ilg

Posted: September 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in jabronis, strippers, W.A. Ilg

Strip clubs are great. You go. You get some drinks, a couple dances. If you’re feeling like a baller, you can take a chick to a back room. Then, you pay your bill and you leave. Not so for W.A. Ilg. He’s suing the Hustler Club for getting him so drunk that he racked up a $28,109.60 bill.

The fact of the matter is this: when you get drunk, you are still on the hook for any stupid decisions you make. If you fuck a fat girl or make a bad fantasy trade, it’s on you. Still, it’s not even in the same category as blowing 28 G’s at the Hustler Club. Just think of all the things you could do with that money. W.A. Ilg had better gotten laid or seen a 12-girl orgy. This sets a very dangerous precedent. You can’t be a drunk Indian giver. There are enough drunk Indians as it is.

W.A., baby, If you think you’re going to do something outrageous like spend $28,000 on strippers, then don’t drink. Or have a Heineken. Nobody forced you to do it. Suck it up and cut a deal with Larry Flint. You’re making the rest of us guys look bad. You can’t stiff a stripper. It’s only going to make lap dances more expensive for everybody. And maybe try to pregame at your place in the future. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

NY Daily News

>Jesus Makin’ It Rain

Posted: March 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in god(s), strippers


If Jesus wasn’t resurrected, he’d be spinning in his grave after seeing this. Crystal Deans (stage name?) hated being a stripper but loved pole dancing, so she quit her job to give pole dancing lessons. Since she’s a good Christian, she offers free classes every second Sunday of the month for churchgoers who bring their programs from mass. Instead of Def Leppard and Mötley Crüe, the class dances to contemporary Christian rock, which is great because Scott Stapp loves strippers and I’m sure the guys in Creed have a lot of time in their schedule to do a live performance.

Every Monday at Crunch, there used to be a pole dancing class. I hate stretching, but I was always right outside that studio watching and stretching (every once in a while) for 30 or 40 minutes. I credit my flexibility to that class.

Pole dancing for Jesus is a weird connection but still a lot less offensive than Madonna’s Like A Prayer video. Plus, I really can’t badmouth anything that encourage girls to get on the pole. Win!