Leslie Bibb is starring in the new ABC show GCB. It looks terrible (well, unless you’re a chick) but Leslie can be my good Christian bitch any Sunday she wants. It’s not possible to get through Mass without coveting that ass. I’m breaking like three Commandments just looking at her. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Micaela Schaefer is a model/DJ who looks absolutely fantastic when she’s spinning tunes. Seriously, how hard is it to be a DJ? If a half-naked chick or Macaulay Culkin’s corpse can do it, so could I. I’d just plug in my iPod and bang out hip hop and 80’s songs all night. Micaela could help of course. I wouldn’t mind falling into a k-hole with her and never coming out. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
The world lost an angel last week. No, not Whitney Houston. Kylie Bisutti hung up her wings and quit Victoria’s Secret to spend more time with her husband. If making your wife quit a life of standing and walking for millions of dollars isn’t love, I don’t know what is. Kylie also wanted to set a better example for young girls and show the world that just because you’re a sex bomb doesn’t mean you should stand around in lingerie all the time. Let’s just hope that the girls she’s trying to influence are too busy watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians to notice. Bye, Kylie. Props for leaving on top. See you in a few years after the divorce. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
It’s like Brandon Jacobs said, Gisele needs to shut up and look cute. It doesn’t matter what your husband does. You don’t criticize his co-workers, much less if it’s at a public setting like the Super Bowl. People in Boston are starting to turn on Horse Face and I don’t blame them. No Titles since the Golden Boy got Leo DiCaprio’s leftovers. Thanks. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Kate Mara is the princess of the Mara football dynasty. Her big moment came in 2005 when she sang the national anthem at the game after her grandfather, Wellington, died. She nailed it and the Giants went on to win 36-0. By all accounts, she a legit fan. I would be too if my great-grandfather founded the team. Kate’s a pretty good actress as well. She was solid on Entourage and great on American Horror Story playing a jilted mistress in both real life and the afterlife. People may fawn over little sister, Rooney, but I’d want Kate as the tight end of my team. Is there any way she can do the anthem on Sunday? Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Marisol Gonzalez is a Spanish TV “sports reporter” who was at Super Bowl Media Day to ask players silly questions and make them do silly things. On a serious note, do you see what she’s wearing? How is either team supposed to concentrate with that ass in their face? It’s so big you can literally play the Super Bowl on her ass. She makes Kevin Boothe’s ass look tiny in comparison. Even Bill Belichick must’ve lost his concentration for a minute. That, mis amigos, is what we call a certified, grade-A culo. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
In honor of Alabama’s National Title victory last night, here’s Miss Alabama Madeline Mitchell. It still bothers me that Alabama got into the Championship Game despite losing a home game. If anything, hopefully this will help turn public sentiment even further against the BCS. Plus, we got to meet Madeline. She recently graduated from the University of Alabama with a degree in elementary education, which is ironic because that’s the type of education I figured all students received at Bama. Either way, I’d roll her tide. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Rainman Suite 