Posts Tagged ‘Tom Brady’

I hate to turn this into a fashion and style website, but it looks like Tom Brady had a rough offseason. He and Horseface made an appearance at the Met Gala and his hair is almost as bad as that pass to Welker in Indy. It looks like Ben Stiller jizzed directly in his hair. He’s dating a model and I’m sure they have stylists. Shouldn’t somebody have said, “Yo, Tom, you’re a little uneven with the hair gel?” But since Bieber ditched the Bieber haircut, I guess Tommy Boy needed a new ‘do. Let’s hope this one lasts until the regular season. And I’m sure Pats fans are thrilled with their QB going to one of the biggest parties of the year in New York.

It’s like Brandon Jacobs said, Gisele needs to shut up and look cute. It doesn’t matter what your husband does. You don’t criticize his co-workers, much less if it’s at a public setting like the Super Bowl. People in Boston are starting to turn on Horse Face and I don’t blame them. No Titles since the Golden Boy got Leo DiCaprio’s leftovers. Thanks. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

Hey, Tommy Boy, how’d your week go?

Welker, Welker, Welker, Welker, Welker drop…
Welker, Welker, Welker, Welker, Welker drop…
Welker, Welker, Welker, Welker, Welker drop…

In what will surely be a classy affair, Red Sox third baseman Kevin “The Chin” Youkilis will be marrying Tom Brady’s sister, Julie (who has an impressive chin herself), after the two were recently engaged. This will be Youk’s second wedding, although his first one didn’t count because he didn’t file the proper paperwork. I wonder if he returned the presents? That time it was to one of Ben Affleck’s ex-girlfriends but the happy couple didn’t last. Apparently, Boston is more incestual than a freshman dorm. Julie Brady has never been married but she has a five-year-old daughter. Somewhere, Derek Jeter is laughing.

So come one and come all to Boston’s Wedding of the Century. It might not be legally recognized but I hear Tom Brady’s bastard niece is adorable. The members of the bridal party will all be wearing brand-new pink Red Sox caps, and no, they won’t be booing Tom Brady for that pass to Welker. They’ll be shouting, “Youuuuuuuuuuuk.” Can’t wait for for these two to have kids. Can you imagine the size of their chins?

Boston Herald

The hair. The prayers. The UGG’s. You’re going down, babe. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.