I love America. I love the military. My grandfather served in the Navy and I shop at Old Navy. These guys put their lives on the line to protect our country and I will forever be grateful, but dammit if every May they take over the streets of the City and make the girls swoon.
They’re just tourists in silly outfits. I had to walk through Times Square the other day and kept bumping into sailors who were taking pictures and looking for the Ball. That’s bad enough but on top of it, they get more chicks than guys with British accents. Maybe they deserve it for fighting on the front line, but aren’t the real heroes the ordinary guys who get up and go to work everyday (or write about basketball in their pajamas while drinking margaritas)? It’s also illegal to impersonate a sailor so my plan to go to Ricky’s and buying a uniform was foiled. Why do they need to wear it all the time anyway? It’s to get ass. No other reason. Sloth from The Goonies could throw on a sailor costume and he’d get laid.
I know we’re supposed to show our appreciation for you sailors for Fleet Week, but you would love the beauty queens in Philadelphia just as much. You were just off at sea for months. Can’t be picky. Plus, being with a Philly girl is like training for battle. It’s for America, people! Let’s save our streets and save our ladies (for Keith Stone). Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.
Rainman Suite 