Archive for the ‘England’ Category

Down Goes Segway Cam

Posted: December 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in cricket, England

The segway cam gets some pretty nice shots. Joe the Cameraman just needs to watch out where he’s going. It might be a while before we see the segway cam on the field at the Super Bowl.

Call Me In 12 Years

Posted: October 6, 2011 by Keith Stone in England, the kids

First Skins [NSFW], now this. I really need to move to England.

Rupert Murdoch was being grilled in England today over the phone-hacking scandal that closed famous newspaper News of the World when somebody decided to give him a little pie. See, this is how government is supposed to run. If America was like that, Congress would have figured out the whole debt problem already.

What Does This Head-line Mean?

Posted: June 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in England, The Sun

From our good friends over at The Sun. Let this be a lesson to all the crafty fags out there. Just because you guys can get married doesn’t mean I’m gonna stick my neck out for you.

My Future Ex-Wife Just Turned 7

Posted: June 10, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, England, ridiculous, the kids

Poppy Burge just celebrated her seventh birthday. Her mother, Sarah, got her a present that any responsible adult who organizes swingers parties and has spent over a half-million dollars on her own plastic surgery would: a voucher for a tit job when she turns 16. Sarah and Poppy are from England, so I’m going to have to assume that’s how they do things over there. In a related story, I’m moving to England.

When she received the voucher, Poppy apparently squealed like the woman she once will be. Luckily, judging from the picture above, she already appears to know what position the boys like her mouth to be in. Of her future funbags, Poppy says, “I can’t wait to be like Mommy with big boobs. They’re pretty.” Ah, the youths. They are so smart in their innocence. Poppy also got a computer for her birthday so holler at me in 10 years, girl.

Daily Mail

What’s Really Going On In Britain?

Posted: May 20, 2011 by Keith Stone in England, newspapers, The Sun

Last week, The Sun newspaper in England was reporting several absurd stories ranging from a teacher gangbanging some kids to a cannibal looking for a meal on Craigslist. Heartbreakingly, it may not be true. The Sun also recently “reported” about a mom who gave botox injections to her 8-year-old daughter. Fucked up but this is the age of Toddlers & Tiaras. The story was picked up by Good Morning America and Inside Edition, who offered the mom money to appear on their shows. She did, but pesky child welfare officials were watching and took the daughter away. Now the mom is claiming that The Sun initially gave her $200 to play along with the story even though it was completely false.

First off, great parenting job. The mom basically ruined her daughter’s life for a few bucks. She may as well have sold her straight to the Spearmint Rhino. Secondly, whose dumbass idea over at The Sun was it to run a stupid fake story like this? A kid getting botox is barely interesting if it’s true. Why risk the reputation of the newspaper over something silly like that when they should be getting more bikini pics of Pippa Middleton?

Now I don’t know what to believe. Did the teacher really gangbang those kids? Did Prince William really get married or was that an actor? Does England even have a monarchy? If I can’t believe the British tabloids, what can I believe in? When I’m checking out at the grocery store, maybe the other publications are lying too. Maybe Carrie Underwood isn’t happy in her marriage. Maybe Elvis wasn’t abducted by UFO’s. Wait a minute, Osama might still be alive. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


So What’s Going On In Britain?

Posted: May 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in England, newspapers

A casual search of the Sun newspaper from across the pond finds the following are currently its top five most read news stories:

1. Women’s sex with five boys seen from train-Pretty self-explanatory although three of the boys were underage and the others ran away. I’d run away too if you knew what this chick looked like.

2. Pippa’s looking ripper-My future girl Pippa Middleton went out and about the other day. Nice ass shot although the article was about 12 words long. Good thing England doesn’t have real news.

3. Come die with me-A man answered a post on Craigslist to be killed and eaten. When he realized it was serious, he called the cops. “Well, you see Officer, I just thought he was going to pretend to eat me.” Dude should have been eaten for real for being an idiot.

4. Arsenal injected me with a yellow liquid-Apparently, Arsenal is something called a soccer team and it injected players in the 90’s with a strange yellow substance. It does not appear that Jose Canseco was involved, however.

5. Gag actor tells wife: I slept with Roo hooker-An actor admitted to his wife that he fucked a hooker that was later involved with soccer player Wayne Rooney. Pretty straight forward until you realize that the actor’s name is never given and it reads like something you’d read in the National Enquirer.

In conclusion, there’s not much going on in Britain. And I thought the Post was bad.