Archive for the ‘Trailer Park’ Category

Scary Trailer Park: Night School

Posted: October 21, 2011 by Keith Stone in Night School, Trailer Park, videos

What’s scarier than going to night school with a bunch of dumbass losers who only have a GED? Going to night school with a bunch of dumbass losers who only have a GED…and getting MURDERED! That’s the premise of 1981’s Night School, a movie so scary only 18 people went to see it in theaters. This night school doesn’t seem so bad, though. It’s one of those girls-only night schools complete with sexy coeds taking showers and a pool and a playground. It’s like the Harvard of night schools. I wish I could enroll.

I had never heard of this movie until right now, but I’m adding it straight to my Qwikster queue. Back in the day, every horror movie had to revolve around a holiday. Halloween, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas were already taken so what scarier day of the year than your birthday? It’s an unusual movie to announce how many people are going to die in the trailer especially when it’s only six, but the axe in the birthday cake saved it all for me. I would not want to be one of the senior class snobs and have to deal with Mr. Black Gloves. Did you see the way he threw that guy’s scarf into the gears of the motorcycle? Fucking monster.

It’s October so welcome to the Scary Trailer Park. Although really when you think about aren’t all trailer parks pretty scary? The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a fucked up movie. Fucked up. It was filmed for like $8 which makes it look even freakier. They probably went down to some old lady’s house and shot everything there as is. It’s the raw setting that just adds a level of darkness to everything. The two scenes that really get me are when Leatherface first appears (so sudden) and the dinner (just weird). Leatherface is so fucking scary and the grandpa is beyond words. Tobe Hooper must’ve had a very disturbed childhood.

Trailer Park: Don’t

Posted: September 29, 2011 by Keith Stone in Don't, Grindhouse, Trailer Park, videos

This is not an actual movie trailer but fuck it. It’s getting close to October. Don’t was a fake trailer in Grindhouse and was written by Edgar Wright, the director of Shaun of the Dead. Simon Pegg is actually credited as “bearded cannibal.” Despite the fact that it’s trying to be campy, Don’t actually looks scarier than half the movies that come out today. Those 70’s movies just have a creepy vibe. Much better than all those silly PG-13 movies about ghosts or ridiculous horror porn movies that have the victims exploding with blood the moment they’re killed.

Trailer Park: Little Monsters

Posted: September 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Little Monsters, Trailer Park, videos

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with Little Monsters, a movie in which the modern-day Kevin Arnold gets kidnapped by a freaky monster from under his bed played by Howie Mandel. Looking back at it, it’s kind of a fucked-up flick. Those monsters are scary. Maybe that’s why I’m so desensitized now. Also, what happened to Kevin Arnold’s film career? He was in three classics (Little Monsters, Princess Bride, and The Wizard) and then disappeared with Winnie Cooper.

[Internal monologue: As I looked back on the films of my childhood, I realized that it was gone, kidnapped by the little monsters under my bed. In place of that awe and wonder, I had become a worldly man of cynicism. What has my innocence become?]

Trailer Park: Over the Top

Posted: September 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in Over the Top, Stallone, Trailer Park, videos

How much coke did Sylvester Stallone do when he came up with the idea for Over the Top? He must’ve been doing lines off Brigitte Nielsen’s ass all night when he was like, “Eh yo, what if we made a movie about a truck-driving arm wrestler whose kid gets kidnapped by Robert Loggia?” It’s just a shame the Academy failed to recognize his scene-stealing turn as Lincoln Hawk.

Trailer Park: The Replacements

Posted: September 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in The Replacements, Trailer Park, videos

The Replacements is vastly overlooked as a football movie. Sure, it’s a bit goofy and Keanu Reeves’s acting leaves a lot to be desired, but deep down it has a lot of heart. A bunch of replacement players come together as a team to overcome the odds, win the fans’ hearts, and make a run at the playoffs against a team that crossed the picket line? Sign me up. Highly appropriate for all the labor strife we had over the summer.

Trailer Park: Inside Out

Posted: September 1, 2011 by Keith Stone in Inside Out, Trailer Park, Triple H, videos, wrestling, WWF

Triple H and Michael Rapaport playing brothers who get wrapped up in a robbery gone wrong? Sign me up! Just check out the star power in this one. Parker Posey! Bruce Dern! It’s like the Philadelphia Eagles of movies. Triple H should go ahead and quit as COO of the WWF and move into movies full-time. I don’t get why CM Punk always makes fun of his acting. He’s like Bobby DeNiro and Lou Ferrigno wrapped up into one.

Trailer Park: The Challenge

Posted: August 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, Trailer Park, videos

In The Challenge, Mary Kate and Ashley play sisters who hate each other yet unwittingly end up on the same game show on a tropical island to win scholarships. That’s crazy! One loves to eat, the other is a vegetarian! One loves nature, the other hates nature! That’s crazy! And they both fall in love with older-looking guys while competing! That’s crazy! Now I know why they became such big movie stars.

Welcome to the Trailer Park, featuring some of the greatest movie trailers of all-time. Our debut is a doozy. I have no idea how Killer Klowns From Outer Space came to be made, but I really wish I could have been at the pitch meeting for that one. “So some aliens come to a carnival from outer space, but they’re clowns. And they kill people with exploding pies and stuff.” “Beautiful, I smell a hit.” However, the movie has attracted a Snakes on a Plane-esque cult following and apparently there’s a sequel being developed. Whoohoo.