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Looks like Sienna Miller broke up with Jude Law again. Check please. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
>Siena Miller: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuuum
Posted: February 9, 2011 by Keith Stone in dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, Sienna Miller0
>Tila Tequila Lesbian 3-Way Sex Tape
Posted: February 9, 2011 by Keith Stone in sex tape, Tila Tequila>
Can I interest you in a Tila Tequila sex tape? With two other chicks? Personally, I thought the acting was a bit derivative but it’s really up to you to determine that.
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College Humor put together all the McBain clips from The Simpsons and it turns out they actually form a somewhat coherent movie. I’ve seen every Simpsons episode in the first 12 seasons and I had no idea about this. I feel so shamed. If you’re a Simpsons fan, this is a must-see. Bad job by McBain going for the salmon puff.
>Wrestling Video of the Week: Mr. America Lie Detector Test
Posted: February 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in Hulk Hogan, Slobberknocker, videos>
This is pure comedy gold. Hulk Hogan is moonlighting as Mr. America after recently being fired by Mr. McMahon. McMahon is obsessed with finding out the true identity of Mr. America and makes him submit to a lie detector test. Everyone knows that Mr. America always tells the truth, brother. The rest is history.
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My buddy Rodave is a huge Mets fan and was actually in attendance for Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS. He E-mailed me in response to the Madoff situation with the Mets. Here’s what he said:
As a Mets fan, my only issue with the Wilpon-Madoff scandal is that for the first time in a while even at the outset of the season, the Mets have no hope for contention. Typically since the 2007 collapse, those hopes are dashed quite early on in the season, but at least there is always the glimmer of optimism. Not this year.
There’s a looming sentiment of depression when discussing anything Mets. It’s not anger or disappointment (after 2007, you’re just fooling yourself if disappointment is still in your vocabulary as a Mets fan.) Hell, those emotions would be welcomed over the helplessness we now feel. Some Michael Vick-esque scandal may be just what the team needs to ignite some sort of fire (and yes, I use Vick over Big Ben because it’s all we have over Philadelphia these days.)
In legal proceedings, the purported criminal’s mental state is paramount in determining the type of crime charged. With the Wilpons the question is whether they really were in the dark or were willfully blind. The willful blindness, or ostrich theory, seems appealing because the Wilpons and Sterling Equities are “sophisticated investors.” How could they have been duped? Picard will answer that they weren’t—that they were in fact in on it (the fact that the $500+ million they still managed to withdraw from the fund doesn’t look too good.)
As you pointed out, however, the other alternative is that the Wilpons were just moronically oblivious to the Ponzi scheme. For one thing, there were plenty of sophisticated investors tied to Madoff losing vast sums of money, including my very own NYU. Additionally, while the Wilpons profited on certain accounts, they also lost on others. The facts seem to show that they at least invested nearly as much as they eventually took out. Yes, the profits will still be subject to Picard’s claims, but it is not clear that those profits were gained with inside knowledge. If you want to keep a Ponzi scheme, it occurs to me that Madoff would slowly bleed all his accounts and not simply go for the kill. Lastly, it’s the Mets. If you’re Picard trying to build your resume, the fact that you took the owners of the Mets down rather than some pension fund or educational institution would make for a better story.
In the end, I don’t care. The Wilpons will lawyer up. They may or may not keep the team. I’ve heard past players including Darryl Strawberry say kind words about the family, and perhaps, they really
deserve to keep the team. But as a fan, I don’t have a special place in my heart for the Wilpons as some owners, such as Mark Cuban or George Steinbrenner, have in the hearts of their fans. Right now all I hear is the deafening woosh of the 2011 season passing by like an Adam Wainwright curve to Carlos Beltran.
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This Mets story with Bernie Madoff is getting dirtier and more interesting by the day. And as a Yankee fan, I find it hilarious. When it was first reported that the Mets were involved, everyone assumed that they had lost money but now it looks like they actually profited throughout the course of the deal. Now Irving Picard, the trustee assigned to regain money for the victims of the Ponzi scheme, is suing Mets owners Fred Wilpon and Saul Katz for upwards of $1 billion (with a b!) for failing to realize that their gains were misbegotten.
Here’s where I have to stand up for the Mets. They haven’t had any idea what’s going on for 10 years. How were the supposed to figure out that Madoff was a scam? From letting Steve Phillips win the war with Bobby V to the Beltran strikeout in 2006, collapse in 2007, Tony Bernazard incident, and Jose Reyes spending 3 months on the DL with a boo boo, it’s clear that nobody is minding the Mets store. If they couldn’t figure out that Ollie Perez was a bad signing, they weren’t going to figure out Madoff. Now it looks like they might have to sell part of the team. Not only that, but even David Wright admits that the Mets can’t spend as much money and nobody’s going to want to come to the team with a questionable ownership just like nobody wants to go to the Dodgers. Coming off a 79-83 season and with tons of question marks and new management in place, the Madoff controversy is unfortunately the biggest addition the Mets made in the offseason. Just know that as silly as it looks now at how close the Wilpons and Katz were with Bernie Madoff, there was no way they saw this coming. But that’s part of the larger problem.
>Super Bowl XLV: The Definitive Review
Posted: February 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Super Bowl>
Super Bowl Sunday. It was time for football fans around the country to see whether the Packers were going to steel the title or the Steelers would leave the Cheeseheads green with envy. I reported for the game from my home field couch advantage. First down, I am NOT a diehard fan of either team, so any views expressed here are merely those of a chick who enjoys the idea of expressing views with a slight buzz on while rocking a NY Giants vintage tee.
As I waited with baited breath for the year’s most anticipated commercials to air, I had to keep reminding myself what the evening was all about: delicacies such as homemade chili recipes, buffalo wings, pizza…basically any fun finger foods one might serve at a big game throwdown and, of course, you can’t forget to mention beer! What would the Super Bowl be without a few Buds in your belly? Here we go!
And now here’s your halftime report by Dani. Got to say, I have always been a Black Eyed Peas fan, so I was looking forward to this performance (even though I was expecting someone more currently sought after like Mr. Justin Bieber…) Overall, I thought they were great. I loved how they used the back-up dancers and really enforced an overall theme of unity. It was like a rave without the MDMA. Or was it? Welcome back Ms. Fergalicious. I thought she looked Fergabulous and her voice held strong even though her mic kept giving out (whatever happened to sound check?) Personally, I could have lived without the rendition of “Where is the Love?” Come on, isn’t there another way to convey the message of peace? “I had the time of my life….I owe it all to you?” Eeehh… need I say more? RIP Sir Patrick Swayze. He’s not actually a knight. I just knighted him myself. I love that Slash performed “Sweet Child of Mine” with Fergie.I thought it was totally cool and sounded great “live” (Fergie can be my sweet child anytime.) Holler at Usher with his sexy performance of “OMG” with Will.i.am. This definitely left me thinking “ooohhh my gaaawwwddd….”
The game wasn’t so bad either, I think, although I usually refreshed my drink and used the bathroom when the commercials weren’t on. Did anyone else see Cameron Diaz lovingly feeding A-Rod? I guess the new PDA trend for 2011 is spoon feeding your significant other. Aaron Rodgers as MVP was well-deserved and I’m sure it was bittersweet for Brett Favre.
Congratulations to the Packers, or as I called them the green team, and all their cheesehead fans for beating the Steelers!
>Dani: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum
Posted: February 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in Dani, dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum>
It was getting lonely here in the Suite, so I got Dani to come help me out. I wanted to enjoy the Super Bowl so I got her to write something about it while I got wasted. Hot blonde girls probably know something about football, right? Dayyyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
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I went to Philadelphia over the weekend and it’s an interesting place. Kind of like a Bizarro New York. Here are my observations in bullet-form because I’m too lazy to do anything else:
- I was on the Ben Franklin Bridge and made a perfectly legal lane change. The guy behind me started honking his horn hysterically. I wasn’t in Philly yet and people were already acting like idiots.
- The parking is horrible. I got lucky and found a space at a meter but needed to keep refilling it until 10PM. 10PM! I could understand 8, but can’t a guy just park for free on a Friday night?
- The garbage cans in Philadelphia are solar powered. It’s a good thing there’s no tall buildings to block the sun. Wait a minute…there are! And yes, these garbage cans cost over $3,000 each. Geniuses.
- I never thought anything could be worse than the PATH train but I never saw the Philadelphia subway system. There were no signs in the station I was at so I walked around a giant concourse with homeless people sleeping all over the place for about 10 minutes until I finally found the train. Once I got on, there was a guy yelling at everyone to give him 50¢. A cop was standing five feet away and did nothing. At least in New York the crazy people are polite enough to recite a memorized speech with zero enthusiasm when they’re asking for money.
- They sold the naming rights to the subway station by all the stadiums. It’s called AT&T Station. Is that the biggest whore move there ever was? I know it’s a poor city, but have a little pride. You’ll never see Union Square Station changing its name to Best Buy Station.
- I went to the Knicks-Sixers game at the Wells Fargo Center (worst arena name ever) and was shocked at how dead the crowd was for a Friday night game against a decent opponent. The stands were pretty full. It was just very, very quiet. Knicks fans were chanting “MVP” for Amar’e and “defense” when the Sixers had the ball. The Philly fans didn’t do anything about it besides a few muffled boos. There were half as many Knicks fans but we were making twice the noise. I was expecting to get punched in the face the first time I chanted “defense” in my Amar’e jersey.
- The PA announcer at the game was hilarious. Apparently, his name is Matt Cord and he’s one of those new-school guys that has to announce every 3-pointer like he’s introducing Van Halen to get the crowd fired up. Whenever something good happened for the Sixers, he would get so excited that he literally didn’t finish the call. It was basically, “THADDEUS YOUNG FROM ANDRE IGOKLSJKKSJKSDJ!!!!” or “OFFENSIVE FOUL ON LANDRY FLKSDLWL!!!!” It was like that SNL sketch when Chris Kattan would play that Southern guy that nobody could understand. That wasn’t even the funniest part. Whenever a call went against the Sixers, he announced it like it was the saddest thing that ever happened to him. He sounded like Droopy Dog. I thought he was going to start crying every time Ray Felton hit a 3. I can’t describe how funny this was. I miss the days when the PA guy would make straight announcements and people could tell who the foul was on.
- Philly has got to be the white trash thug life capital of the world. Almost every guy I saw in Philly looked like Eminem circa 1999. Cap turned up and to the side. Pale. Dark circles under the eyes. Thin little sideburns. I’m sure if you wanted to buy some weed, there wouldn’t be a shortage of people that could sell it to you. It’s not a surprise they liked Allen Iverson so much.
- I was walking down the street and I heard two guys arguing about who was better: Eric Lindros or Michael Vick. I wanted to shoot myself in the face.
- I got a parking ticket at 9:03. I left immediately.
>Originally published February 5, 2008
It was the best hangover ever. I finished the two bottles of champagne. Alex said he was at the Pour House. I left the apt and just started jogging there. I was high-fiving everybody in blue. It was amazing. I get there. People on the bar. Everyone going crazy. I’m hugging people. We start singing We Are The Champions. SNY has coverage in the locker room. I’m going out of my mind. Just loving everybody. After a pitcher of beer, I was feeling pretty sick. I managed to get to McD’s for some snack wraps since all I had eaten all day was a slice of pizza. I get back. Watch SportsCenter. Koch was there. Hugged him. Just watched everything I could about the game for like an hour. It was beautiful. My bed is covered in confetti and champagne. I fell asleep somehow. I woke up at 8. Slept about 2 hours. Got up to get the paper. Still wearing my Shockey jersey. I had a tremendous amount of soreness in my bed but somehow the thought of seeing Eli’s beautiful face on the cover of the Daily News just blinds it out. I’m walking to the deli and make an executive decision. I’m like, “Fuck it, I’m getting my Championship hat and shirt.” No coat. Flip flops. Get the newspaper in the subway station. Beautiful. Almost makes me cry. Awesome picture. I get to Times Square. Still feeling pretty pained. I reeeeeeeeeeeeeek of champagne. There’s like a champagne crust in my hair. It’s just stiff. It’s cold. It starts to snow. Kinda wish I had my coat. Get to Modell’s. Hats aren’t in. Enjoy the finest McD’s breakfast there ever was. Read the coverage. It was amazing. Go back to Modell’s. The hats are in! I don’t even care that I haven’t paid yet, I grab one and just put it on. It felt so good. I had to wait on line for a while but I didn’t care. Throw the shirt on. I probably look stupid to everyone going to work and here’s some kid with like 5 layers on that smells insane and just has this incredibly stupid stupid smile on his face. I get back to my apt. Finish the paper. Take the greatest shower there ever was. More highlights. The replay button on my remote is totally worn down. Watch Mike’d Up. Everything on ESPNEWS. Go for a footlong spicy Italian sub at Subway. Pick up 8 different newspapers with Eli Manning on the cover. Just soak in Mike & the Mad Dog. Great scene at the beginning with their predictions and Dog saying the Pats will win 49-7. I’m pretty tired by this point so I kind of go in and out of sleep like those guys in that Roxbury commercial. Get to work. Everyone is actually congratulating me. The hardest thing about this is that everyone seems happy that the Giants won. I haven’t had one person that said they weren’t rooting for them. I get back home. Just keep replaying everything on my DVR. The Tyree catch, the greatest play in NFL history! Plax Burress and the Super Bowl-winning touchdown! The Alford sack on second down! Webster just getting a piece of the ball on third down! And finally, 4th and 20 and the Giants bring the Lombardi Trophy back home!
It’s my 11th season being a Giants fan and it’s been disappointing for the most part, but everything was just wiped away. It reminded me why I love these teams and how it feels to win. Everything, the meltdown against the Vikings losing the onside kick and Eddie Murray, Sehorn breaking his leg, Danny Kannell just never working out, getting blown out by Baltimore, the 86 Lambuth Special, Trey Junkin the most heartbreaking loss all those penalties losing that big lead Shockey drops the touchdown and the refs messing up the call, bottoming out when it seemed like we had so much potential, Eli’s 0 rating game, getting shutout by the Panthers I remember sitting in the stands at that game as Eli threw one interception after another and just feeling empty inside while Steve Smith did snow angels in the end zone, just getting torn apart last year and losing at 0:00. Everything just wiped away. Even this year, after that awful Vikings game it seemed like they were heading to another mediocre season. Getting that text message from Koch that Shockey broke his leg then seeing him leave the Stadium in an ambulance. It all just vanished. At the same time I know this wouldn’t feel so good if it wasn’t for all those moments. And of course there are all those little moments and all those Giants before that I will never forget. Winning the NFC East against the Redskins, Bratzke, beating the undefeated Broncos, Graham, Division Champs in Dallas, Barrow, starting off the playoffs with a kickoff return TD waving my towel spying on Donovan and The Interception, Sehorn, 41-0, Cloud Comella, Shockey wanting the ball more than Dawkins and then getting into the playoffs in OT the best regular season game I ever saw, Bryant, beating the Rams the first week of college, Fassel, Starting off 2006 as East Champs, Carter, Tiki doing everything everything everything to make sure we’d get into the playoffs at 8-8.
This year it all started rolling when Ahmad Bradshaw tore off that run against the Bills. I liked him in the preseason but I never thought that he would be such a catalyst. And without him we would never be the World Champs. I think that’s true for everybody on the team. Without any one of them, we would not be the Champs. Well, maybe Ruben Droughns (just kidding). Even Chase Blackburn poor guy. If he didn’t get that penalty we would have been in much worse field position and who knows what would have happened. He played great in 2005. And Steve Smith. I can’t put into words how much I love him. Underrated play. Walking the tightrope. Getting out of bounds. First down. And setting up the big TD. I saw that ball in the air and Plax was wide open and all I could think was “Don’t drop it!” and he didn’t. And David Tyree. David Tyree, that’s all you have to say. I went up to see them practice in Albany on August 1 and who would have thought that almost 6 months later they’d be going down the Canyon. I’m extremely happy that I got a chance to see the Champs at camp. I just remember watching Eli practice those fades into inflatable baskets like imaginary receivers. I sat there sweating like crazy and it was so hot watching Eli throw those high balls. Over and over and over and over and over. Fade into the left corner end zone. Fade into the left corner end zone. Fade into the left corner end zone. I could have never imagined that he would throw one for the Championship. I sat there on the hill wondering why I was watching Eli Manning throwing these fades into the left corner end zone. Maybe I was sick in the head to sit out in that heat. Maybe I needed more friends. I now know why I sat out in that heat. It’s the same reason why I’m typing on my computer in my training camp shirt that I wore during the Super Bowl and now reeeeeeeeeeeeeks of champagne. And yea, I can’t say that the New York Football Giants are the best team in the world, but on that one glorious day, February 3, 2008 when Eli Manning made that perfect pass into the left corner end zone, the New York Football Giants were the best team in the world. XLII Champions
Rainman Suite 