Man Grows bin Laden Beard Until bin Laden Is Caught

Posted: May 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in beards, U!S!A!

Gary Weddle is a 50-year-old middle school science teacher in Washington, not a member of al-Qaeda. After the attack on the World Trade Center nearly 10 years ago, he was so wrapped up in the news that he forgot to shave. Weddle decided to let his beard grow until Osama bin Laden was caught. It took a little longer than he thought it would. To his credit, he kept his word despite pleas from his wife and family and on Sunday was finally able to shave his beard.

I gotta be honest. I’m a little jealous. That’s a nice beard. I always try and grow one but it comes in so patchy. Weddle deserves a ton of credit. Although the original idea may have been a bit misguided considering it actually made him look like a terrorist, you have to admire a guy that stuck to his word and never forgot what was important.

Daily Astorian

Give Me A Break

Posted: May 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in Barcelona, Champions League, Real Madrid, soccer

Here’s another Rodave special about something called soccer:

As an American who has been able to find time to incorporate soccer into my viewing portfolio, the Real Madrid v. Barcelona Champions League showdown was a true disappointment. Yes, I do find myself supporting Real, which makes the outcome worse. The Beautiful Game can be sloppy, but this clash between behemoths of the competitive club soccer world was a underwhelming as the Super Bowl in the 90’s.

The flopping was at an all-time high.  You know it’s bad when it even distracts you from Lionel Messi’s greatness.  For a fan who encourages his fellow countryman to get into soccer, the display was embarrassing.  At least when the Dutch decided to play ugly soccer at the World Cup Final last year, they actually got physical with the Spaniards.  With Barca and Real, however, the Spanish sides only feigned physicality.

On the bright side, my campus cable doesn’t broadcast FX (home of the Champions League semifinals) in HD, so at least I didn’t miss much.

Long Live the Kings

Posted: May 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball

The Maloof Family announced that the Kings are returning to Sacramento for the 2011-2012 season. That’s great news. While the team has struggled for the past few years and has a crummy arena, it still has some of the most loyal fans in the league.

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Trivia Time: 5/2/11 Edition

Posted: May 3, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, NBA Playoffs, trivia


Isiah Thomas protege Zach Randolph and the 8th seeded Memphis Grizzlies shocked the NBA by upsetting the San Antonio Spurs 4-2 in their First Round matchup. Only three other 8-seeds have upset a 1-seed since the playoffs expanded to their current format in 1984, which brings us to our question. If you get it right, Z-Bo will take you to finest strip club in Memphis, Christie’s Cabaret. Answer is after the jump.

Which previous three 8th seeded teams have advanced to the Second Round of the NBA Playoffs? (and a hint: it is not the 1993 Indiana Pacers)

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I feel like the terrorists would hate this, so let’s make sure that they know what the greatest country in the world is again. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

>A Rose By Any Other Name

Posted: May 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in Chicago Bulls, Derrick Rose, NBA, NBA Playoffs

We’re still trying to figure out this new system. Here’s what Rodave had to say about Derrick Rose’s Round 1 performance:

The 2011 playoffs have been off the hook. In the very first game the Bulls showed us why TNT knows drama when Michael Jor—I mean, Derrick Rose looked as if he would put up a contested layup before dishing it off to John Pax—I mean, Kyle Korver for a game winning three-pointer. Read the rest of this entry »

What’d I Miss?

Posted: May 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in site business, U!S!A!

So it’s probably pretty obvious right now to all the loyal Suiters that I wasn’t actually burned out on the Knicks, but in Pakistan undertaking a combat mission against Osama bin Laden. Contrary to reports, it was actually a solo operation. I even flew the helicopter. It’s classified so I really can’t talk about it. I’ve already said too much. Suffice it to say, I’m back, reinvigorated, and here to stay with all the snarky comments, chicks in thongs, and wrestling references that you can handle.

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Bulls over Hawks in 7
Heat over Celtics in 7
OKC over Grizzlies in 5
Lakers over Mavericks in 7

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Capitals over Lightning in 6
Bruins over Flyers in 7
Canucks over Predators in 7
Red Wings over Sharks in 7

>Intermission Report

Posted: April 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in comeuppance, site business

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I’m pretty burned out after being swept by the Celtics so I’m taking the week off. I know that many of you will be unable to survive without finding out who the Jabroni of the Week is, but you’re going to have to make due. In the meantime, I’m going to work on redesigning The Suite a bit. Maybe move some sofas around to make room for a jacuzzi.
The Celitcs series was like a dream that turned into a nightmare. To top it off, we still didn’t win a playoff game. After 10 years, it’s unacceptable. I’m still optimistic. We have two of the top 15 players in the league and they’ll have the whole summer to get in sync and add complementary pieces. Usually after one of my teams gets booted from the playoffs, I don’t want to think about it. In this case, it’s different. I wish they were playing right now. I can’t wait until October (or longer). The first time I saw the Knicks lose a playoff series, it was back in 1991 against the Bulls. I still remember my mom trying to explain that the Knicks weren’t playing games anymore. I was sad then and I’m sad now. There are still important questions to answer. On the top of the list is whether Donnie Walsh is coming back. He may have his differences with ownership, but he’s the man for the job and he needs to finish it. It would be ridiculous not to bring him back. He’s intelligent, patient, and resourceful—great qualities for somebody who’s putting together a basketball team. Yeah, he’s not perfect but nobody is. After that, it has to be decided who’s going to coach the team. Coach D didn’t do himself any favors by getting swept.
I’ll be back next week. Stop complaining. If you need to kill some time, go on Redtube.