Archive for the ‘MLB’ Category

Mets Need A Hug, Hire Nick Cannon

Posted: August 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Mets, MLB, Nick Cannon
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Well, if it wasn’t pathetic enough to be a Mets fan, it is now. Fighting with the Nationals for third place in the NL East en route to a fifth straight non-playoff season doesn’t really drive ticket sales. The Amazin’s have resorted to gimmicky theme nights to help attendance before, mainly involving different ethnicities, fireworks, and douchebags who wear wife beaters and pump their fists while they dance. What they’re planning for Friday, however, may be an all-time low.

Nick Cannon, the actor, radio host, and Mariah Carey’s husband, will attempt to break a Guinness World Record by hugging 1,800 people in an hour. That’s one every two seconds. Not an easy task, although maybe this is a public service because there’s nobody I know that needs a hug more than a Mets fan. The Mets still haven’t explained the reasoning behind this seemingly random promotion. I think they’re just trying to embarrass as many of their fans as they can.

Hey, the Yanks have Yogi Berra and the Mets have Nick Cannon. Still, not sure a Mets game is the best place to accomplish this record. Do 1,800 people still go to Mets games? Maybe Fred Wilpon can get all 1,800 hugs. And what type of bogus world record is hugging the most people in an hour? Lemme know when Nick Cannon breaks the record for most shirts worn.

NY Daily News

Young Man Wants Yankees Fan Alec Baldwin To Step It Up

Posted: August 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in Alec Baldwin, baseball, MLB, the fans, Yankees
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“Is it something to do with your hair!? Can your hair not be covered by a Yankees cap!?”

Michael LaPayower is an angry guy today. Not only did Mo Rivera blow a save in a 3-2 Yankees extra-inning loss last night, but he had to sit through several interminable New Era commercials featuring Alec Baldwin and John Krasinski. His problem isn’t that these commercials are superlame, it’s that Baldwin isn’t fanning up with some Yankee gear.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a fan, it’s that every person has their own way of showing their team pride. Some of us make music videos that parody songs sung by little girls. Others can sit at home and watch the game while discussing politics with the starlet you picked up in the Hamptons. It’s all good.

I know for a FACT that Alec Baldwin doesn’t wear a Yankees cap because he already has a tattoo of Babe Ruth’s face on his chest. How do you think he picked up Kim Basinger? If he ever wore a piece of Yankees memorabilia, he would explode from excessive swag. Now that’s what I call being a fan.

Carlos Beltran Traded To Giants

Posted: July 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Carlos Beltran, Mets, MLB
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The Mets finally traded Carlos Beltran. He had a pretty solid Mets career despite his problem with injuries. Let’s take a look at the highlight of it all.

Get Me Felix

Posted: July 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Felix Hernandez, MLB, Yankees
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Another member of the slutty bartender club, Felix Hernandez, just pitched seven innings of one-run ball  against the Yankees. Can we trade for him already? With him and CC starting four out of seven games in a playoff series, it wouldn’t matter who the other pitchers are. Felix’s stats aren’t astounding but the Mariners are so shitty. If he was suddenly on a team that could actually hit in the middle of a pennant race, he would be rejuvenated. I know everyone is excited about all these prospects, but pitching is so flaky. Why take a chance with a youngster when you could have a sure thing? King Felix is like a Maserati and Banuelos, Montero and Betances are BMW’s. You like having them on the driveway, but they don’t compare to driving a Mas. Sell the farm.

What Unique Hall of Famers We Have

Posted: July 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Bert Blyleven, Hall of Fame, MLB, Roberto Alomar
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Bert Blyleven and Roberto Alomar were inducted into the Hall of Fame yesterday. Blyleven was elected in his 14th year of eligibility, you know, because his last few seasons have been so solid. Actually it’s the rise of sabermetrics that helped him get in, but if you don’t get elected after three years maybe you just don’t belong in the Hall of Fame. Blyleven actually only received 17.55% of the vote in his first year of eligibility. Nothing’s changed the past 14 years! However, Blyleven is fifth in all-time strikeouts and won two World Series. He’s before my time, but how didn’t he make it earlier? Plus, he loves to fart (don’t we all?) and does the Circle Me Bert gimmick for Twins TV broadcasts. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s Dutch. The Baseball Writers of America are notoriously discriminatory to the Dutch.

As for Roberto Alomar, he’s more than deserving but didn’t he give AIDS to his ex-girlfriend? What happened with that?

Tropicana Field Is Still An Embarrassment

Posted: July 20, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB, Tampa Bay, Tropicana Field, Yankees
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Last night, Bartolo Colon was cruising along when Curtis Granderson lost the ball in the roof of Tropicana Field and a routine pop fly turned into a single. That opened up a two-run inning for Tampa Bay and they ended up winning 3-2. Again, it’s 2011. Why are we still losing the ball? This isn’t the Metrodome circa 1991. If the Devil Rays want to be a marquee team, they should fix this somehow. It’s not baseball at the highest level. If there’s a chance this could happen during the Playoffs, they should just play at a high school field. It’d be better than this place. And what’s with the rubber blasting up every time the ball hits the turf at the Trop? It’s like there’s a freaking geyser in the outfield.

Tropicana Field Is An Embarrassment

Posted: July 19, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB, Tampa Bay, Tropicana Field
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On top of the fact that Tropicana Field may be the ugliest stadium in professional sports, how stupid is it that there’s a domed stadium in Tampa Bay? St. Petersburg has an average high temperature of 81 degrees. Only an idiot or an elderly person would want to be inside on a beautiful day.

But wait, there’s more. During last night’s Rays-Yanks game, a bolt of lightning (Tampa Bay Lightning, heehee) hit near the Trop and disrupted the power inside the stadium so much so that the game was delayed for 20 minutes. The game is being played fucking inside to avoid problems like this! It’s not the 1800’s! How can a simple storm affect an indoor baseball game in this day in age? This is further proof that there shouldn’t be Major League Baseball in Tampa Bay. Strip clubs, yes. Baseball, no.

NY Daily News

Mike Fetters, Man’s Man

Posted: July 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, food, Man's Man, Mike Fetters, MLB
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Kenny Powers would tell you that it’s hard to move on after you’re done with baseball, but former Major League reliever Mike Fetters found a way to give back to the fans that watched him play. Fetters illegally goes around Miller Park in Milwaukee with a cauldron of cheese and lets fans dunk their food in for only $2. He’ll even add a fried egg for $1. Fetters claims he doesn’t need the money and is only doing it for the love of the game and the fans. Although he’s had some run-ins with security and food inspectors, Fetters enjoys what he’s doing and continues to live the high life. Only in Milwaukee could he get away with something like that. Mike Fetters, you are a Man’s Man.

The Awl

A-Rod Being A-Rod

Posted: July 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in Alex Rodriguez, baseball, MLB
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Looks like Alex Rodriguez’s newest endorsement is for coconut water. The poster says everything you need to know about him. I wonder what he’s thinking about as he’s looking wistfully in the distance. Probably banging Madonna or Kate Hudson. Yanks are gonna miss him for the next month.

Brian Wilson, Fashion Icon

Posted: July 14, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Brian Wilson, fashion, MLB
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The highlight of the ESPY’s was Brian Wilson’s spandex tuxedo. I can’t describe it any better than Seth Meyers did. He looks like a Batman villain. The trailer for The Dark Knight Rises was leaked online and Wilson was nowhere to be found but I’m still holding out hope that he’s in it. He could be called The Closer and throw exploding baseballs. Either that, or he’s trying out for a really high-class bobsled team. Really shouldn’t all bobsled uniforms have bow ties? Cool Runnings probably would have won an Oscar. Wilson’s only mistake was not inviting The Machine as his +1. Those two would have made a cute couple on the red carpet.

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