Several news outlets reported that the Devils missed a September 1 deadline to pay bank lenders $100 million and may be forced into bankruptcy. The team vehemently denies this but for fun’s sake, let’s pretend that the Post actually got a story right for once. This isn’t the first time there’s been financial problems in New Jersey.
The owners of the Devils are probably too busy buying hair gel and doing their laundry to pay back their debts. They built this fancy new arena in glamorous downtown Newark thinking they would get all the grenades they could ever want, but they forgot that nobody cares about the Devils. Even worse, the NBA is locked out and the Nets are moving to Brooklyn next year anyway. It’s a good thing they signed Ilya Kovalchuk to a 10-year contract because anytime you can lock up a guy for a decade who can lead your team to an 11th place finish, YOU HAVE TO DO IT! Who thought it was a good idea to build a hockey-only arena in New Jersey anyway?
Ryan Callahan was named the 26th captain in Rangers history and it was a well-deserved honor. Cally embodies everything you’d want in a captain. He is a leader off the ice and more importantly leads by example on it. He’ll do whatever it takes to get a win: scour the crease for a rebound, fight an opponent, make a big pass, block a shot, you name it. He’s fearless and that’s exactly what the team needs. And with no disrespect to Jaromir Jagr or Chris Drury, he’s a Ranger through and through. I’m really looking forward to see how the new captain leads the troops when the puck drops on the 2011-12 season in three weeks.
Looking to maximize revenue out of sponsorships and the swanky Nassau Mausoleum, the Fishsticks have named Tattoo Lou’s as their official tattoo parlor for the upcoming season. The deal includes a tattoo and piercing booth at the arena for ten home games. This is great news for douchebag Long Islanders who have to choose between going to the game or getting some more tribal bands. And why not bring the old lady to a game? Nothing says class like getting a tramp stamp of the logo a last place hockey team. The minimum price for a tattoo is $60, or a few go-rounds at the tanning salon. John Tavares should totally get some Fishsticks ink on his face. Now that would be intimidating. No word on whether the sponsorship will last when the team moves to Quebec City.
Nassau County had a special referendum Monday to vote on whether property taxes should be raised in order to fund a new arena for the Islanders. It failed. Good for the people of Nassau County for not spending money they don’t have on an arena. Too bad for the Fishsticks the vote was held on a Monday. The B&T douchebags were probably too tired from heading to the City over the weekend and pretending to be New Yorkers to hit the polls. The area already has arenas in Manhattan, Newark, and the Meadowlands with one on the way in Brooklyn. We don’t need another one, especially with all the economic problems the state has been having.
The Isles’ current albatross of a lease lasts until 2015 and the team has stated that they will honor it despite unfavorable terms. However, past that their future is very much in doubt, especially in Nassau County. A lot of people have been throwing out Queens as an option but that’s even worse than Nassau. It’s far from the Islanders’ existing fan base, the public transportation isn’t much besides the 7 train and minimal LIRR coverage, and again, there’s already too many arenas in New York.
The Brooklyn arena would seem like a logical solution but it’s built for basketball and apparently would have the smallest capacity in the NHL. I feel like that’s a problem Mikhail Prokhorov could fix, though. Why couldn’t he buy the team? Even if they didn’t make too much money, it would boost the status of his new digs. It’s not like he’s hurting for cash, plus the building is already going up and it has a ton of transportation. It also maintains the existing Rangers-Islanders rivalry, which is nice but maybe a bit overrated.
If the New York area can’t handle a third hockey team, there are many markets that would be willing to give it a chance from Quebec City to Kansas City. As a Rangers fan, I won’t be crying if the Fishsticks move away. I’ll help them pack their bags, but it’s never good to see an established team with a championship pedigree move. At the same time, this situation has been simmering for a while and will hopefully result in a better situation for both the team and league. The best thing for everybody is a quick resolution.
Forget the Oscars and Emmys. This is officially awards season. Last week, the NHL and BET had their annual awards shows honoring the best offensive defenseman and gospel artist, amongst other things. Nothing says glitz like Jay Mohr and Kevin Hart hosting some of the whitest and blackest performers in the world. Unfortunately, both shows featured a bit of gaffe while presenting prestigious awards. While awarding the Lady Byng Memorial Trophy for sportsmanship and gentlemanly conduct, two whores from Real Housewives (why?) had a little trouble pronouncing Martin St. Louis’s name. It’s French, ladies. One could argue that the bigger screwup was really having two absolutely horrible human beings present a trophy for sportsmanship and gentlemanly conduct.
Over at the BET Awards, a lucky contest winner got to announce the recipient of the Fans’ Choice Award. Unfortunately, she never learned how to read apparently and proclaimed Chris Brown as the winner when it was really Rihanna. Luckily, those two don’t have a history together.
These are two epic fails but there’s only question to ask: Who Ya Got?
Well, it looks like the classy Boston Bruins are having a gay old time since they won the Stanley Cup. On Saturday, the team went to Foxwoods (for the wonder of it all) and spent over $150,000 at the Shrine nightclub. When some people get drunk, they lose their cell phones. Just ask CurlySue. When the Bruins get drunk, they lose their MVP goaltender Tim Thomas. Thomas missed the team bus the next morning as it was leaving to go to Fenway Park so the team could throw out the first pitch.
Apparently, either nobody did a head count or a neighbor’s goalie got on the bus to rifle through everybody’s luggage and was counted in his place. Hey, it happened in Home Alone. Or Thomas was having an orgy and nobody wanted to bother him. Girls go wild for the Conn Smythe Trophy. Just ask Brian Leetch. You would think somebody would wonder where the guy was that shut out the other team in Game 7 to basically win the Cup. Thomas ended up getting a ride to Fenway with one of the owners of the club. Not a good way to start the Cup defense, fellas.
It’s time to finally, finally end hockey season. I’m coming to you live from the Rainman Suite with Charlie Sheen, Jenna Haze, Lanny Barby, Tiffany Taylor, Alexis Texas, and briefcase full of cocaine. OK, actually I have a belly fully full of Chinese food and a six-pack of Labatts. This game is huge. Neither team has won the Stanley Cup in nearly 40 years and Vancouver has never won it. Also, the last time they lost a Finals Game 7, there was a massive riot. As John Davidson would say, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh baby!” GAME 7!
8:02-We see the Stanley Cup make its grand entrance into the arena in a silver SUV. You’d think it’d be rolling in a Hummer limo or something.
8:03-Dan Patrick is hosting the pregame show because……………
8:04-Pierre McGuire interviews Patrice Bergeron who has a massive playoff beard. Yet another reason to love hockey. Playoff beards.
8:06-A Boston fan told Dan Patrick, “We didn’t lose to the British, and we’re not losing to British Columbia.” Those Bostonians are so clever.
Tomorrow, someone is going to raise the Stanley Cup. It’s been a wild Finals so far and every game in Vancouver has been decided by one goal. Continuing with our award-winning hockey coverage, I will be conducting the first ever Rainman Suite live running diary for Game 7. Check back at 8 Wednesday night. I promise it will be one of the best Stanley Cup Finals Game 7 live running journals you will ever read.
Edmonton Oilers center Gilbert Brule was driving with his girlfriend around Vancouver when they happened upon an unusual hitchhiker: Bono. The rock star had gone for a walk when it started raining, so Brule forced his lady to stop and pick him up despite her doubts. What is a woman doing driving in the first place? That’s the real problem. I guess maybe that has to do with why Brule only scored seven goals this season. Only in Canada.
In return for the lift, Bono gave Brule tickets for his show in Edmonton. The forward promptly sold his tickets to Game 1 of the Finals. Again, Gilbert Brule only scored seven goals this season. However, Brule got a shout out at the show when Bono declared to the crowd that “I like ice hockey because people who play ice hockey are the kind of people who pick up hitchhikers. I’m ever so grateful. I’ve decided that I want to be Gilbert Brule.” That makes one of us.
After about a week of speculation, the Atlanta Thrashers were officially purchased by a group of Winnipeg businessmen and will move to the Peg starting next season. As we’ve seen in the Finals so far, having a passionate fan base adds to the intensity and intrigue of the games. With an already apathetic Atlanta sports landscape, the Thrashers didn’t help themselves with poor management and failed to win a single playoff game in their 11 years of existence despite star players such as Ilya Kovalchuk and Dany Heatley.
As I’ve said earlier, the reason sports exists is because of the fans. It’s stupid to have a team in a place where there is little interest. Even if Atlanta has a bigger corporate and media presence, the league will benefit from having fans in the seats. Passionate, screaming fans. Obviously, the original Winnipeg Jets had financial problems but this new team should have an easier time with a better exchange rate and salary cap rules along with a new arena.
It’s not a foregone conclusion that this will be successful, however. People always forget that with few exceptions nobody cares about a losing team. If the Thrashers had Alex Ovechkin, things may have been different. It’s imperative that Winnipeg fields a competitive, fun team especially after the honeymoon period is over.
This is still a step in the right direction for the NHL which still has several teams with questionable futures. The former-Winnipeg Jets, now-Phoenix Coyotes are staying put after the City of Glendale shelled out millions of dollars to cover operating losses, but how is that good for anybody? Quebec City is willing to build a new arena and its fans came out in the thousands to a game in Long Island this year to prove how hockey-crazy they are. Even Toronto can probably handle a second team.
Sunbelt hockey wasn’t a total failure but many markets are definitely works-in-progress. While San Jose has a model organization and new-wave fans, you’ll be hard-pressed to find puckheads in Ft. Lauderdale. Despite the loss of sponsorships and even reduced TV contracts, in the long run it’s better to have teams in cities with true fan support. If there are fans, the money will follow eventually. Oklahoma City and Memphis played a great series in the NBA Playoffs and Green Bay won the Super Bowl. I didn’t hear anyone complaining. The small-town Little Engine That Could team with the crazy fans makes for a riveting storyline.
Gary Bettman needs to learn to give the fans what they want and not punish them for the sins of their owners and managers. Cue up the Brass Bonanza.
Rainman Suite 
