Archive for the ‘ridiculous’ Category

>Demi and Ashton Make A Movie

Posted: April 13, 2011 by Keith Stone in Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, ridiculous
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As if there weren’t enough reasons to hate Demi and Ashton, they (and a few of their friends) released a series of videos condemning the child sex trade. Seems like a good cause. The only problem is the videos are stupid and don’t make any sense.

What does Ashton getting new socks have to do with buying girls? I’m sure he could afford some 12-year-old girl from Bangkok to do his laundry for him. I’m just so confused. If they’re saying that guys shouldn’t be taking chicks out to dinner and buying them jewelry anymore, then I’m all in. If they’re saying that I’m a real man because I’ve never bought a child sex slave even though I only have about six chest hairs, then I’m down with too. Other than that, you lost me. I kind of want to buy a child sex slave now just to spite Demi and Ashton. I’ll call her Chun Li and she can sleep on my couch. Who came up with the idea for this video? The Situation?

>Hammer vs. Machete: Who Ya Got?

Posted: April 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in New Jersey, ridiculous, Who Ya Got?
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No, Adam Carolla didn’t get into a fight with Danny Trejo, silly bastard. This type of insanity can only happen in one place and it’s not Hollywood. It’s New Jersey, the land of 1,000 processing plants. In Passaic, a thrift store owner who was being robbed by some hammer-wielding genius managed to defend himself with a machete that he luckily had lying around. The robbery took place at 10:30 in the morning because obviously the robber wanted everyone to see him running from the store with a bag of money and a bloody hammer. Police are searching for a suspect who they say took off his clothes as he left the scene. So if anyone in Passaic sees a naked man with a hammer, please alert the authorities.

WABC-TV

>Jose and Ozzie Canseco Pull Celebrity Boxing Switcheroo, Fail

Posted: March 29, 2011 by Keith Stone in Jose Canseco, ridiculous
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Jose Canseco was scheduled to fight on Saturday at a celebrity boxing event. However, just as the big match was about to go on, fans noticed that his tattoos were different. It turns out Jose sent his twin brother Ozzie in his place. There hasn’t been a bait-and-switch like this since Zach was supposed to go on a blind date with Mr. Belding’s niece and sent Screech instead. Not helping matters is the fact that Jose texted the promoter “You have to pay him” when “Jose” demanded cash up front. The promoter didn’t pay up and now he wants the $5,000 that he paid Jose earlier back.

When I was a kid, I always dreamt of having a twin and wreaking havoc on the world. We could take each other’s tests, date each other’s girls, go to each other’s jobs, and fight in each other’s celebrity boxing matches. It would be hilarious. If you ever saved your twin’s life, you would have it made. He’d basically have to do anything you didn’t want to do in your place. I wish I had someone like that for my community service in Hoboken.

ESPN

>Mexican Man Has 82 Julia Roberts Tattoos

Posted: March 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in Julia Roberts, ridiculous
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Miljenko Bukovic loved Erin Brockovich so much that he got Julia Roberts’s face tattooed on his body. Then, he did it 81 more times. Bukovic has spent nearly $81,000 for his ink. I didn’t realize that Mexicans had $81,000 between them. Nice job showing his fandom but still not as impressive as my 83 Eli Manning tattoos.

NY Post

>I Wonder What He Does For Detention

Posted: March 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in learning, ridiculous
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I had some interesting professors in my day. There was the hot French professor from Martinique who couldn’t speak a lick of English. Then, the Israeli Futures & Options professor that locked the door as soon as class started and posted pictures from his triathlon training on the class website. And yes, the professor who spent time at a camp to “cure” his homosexuality. None of these compare to J. Michael Bailey of Northwestern, however, who arranged for a couple to demonstrate the proper way to insert a vibrator after a class in human sexuality.

This is like something out of Sex and The City: The College Years. Normally, I’d be pumped up and say I’ve been looking for somewhere to get my Master’s Degree. But from the looks of it, the lady involved is not worth staying after class and keeping me from getting my Chick-fil-A on in the dining hall. I guess Mason Moore couldn’t make it, but at least it’s nice to see that the guy from Counting Crows is staying busy.

Wall St. Journal

>Now Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Timofey Mozgov

Posted: March 3, 2011 by Keith Stone in ridiculous, Timmy Mozgov
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Timofey Mozgov spent the recent All-Star Weekend marrying his sweetheart, Alla. It was spontaneous so they did what any kids would do—hop into a limo and go to a drive-in chapel in the clothes they were wearing. How romantic. Timmy was traded to Denver a few days later. Hope Alla likes skiing. With Timmy now gone from the Knicks, he is most likely taking an extended absence from The Suite. It wishes him good luck in marriage and his future battles with Blake Griffin.

Tribune (Russia)

>Can I Get Extra Mice on that Pizza?

Posted: March 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in Philly sucks, pizza, ridiculous
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I’m not surprised that this took place in the Philadelphia area. Nickolas Galiatsatos was arrested for planting mice in two rival pizza places. He blew it by leaving a suspicious footprint on the toilet of one of them as he dropped off his furry friends in the ceiling. This is a classic case of a great plan and poor execution. Galiatsatos goes into the bathroom with a shady looking bag and then leaves a footprint? You don’t even need Ace Ventura to figure this one out. Gotta leave the bathroom the way you left it, buddy.

Fox Philadelphia

>Best Commercial Ever

Posted: February 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in commercials, ridiculous
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During 30 Rock tonight, they showed a sick commercial. I swear I would have bought anything it told me to. Until the last few seconds.

Do those Scientologists know how to put together a commercial or what? Where can I get my free stress test?

>Best Trailer Ever

Posted: February 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in Daniel Tosh, movies, ridiculous
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Daniel Tosh exposed the 2003 movie Tiptoes on Tosh.0 this week. I guess the movie didn’t get much pub because, um, it’s about a family of dwarfs, and in the role of a lifetime, Gary Oldman plays one of them although he still seems to have normal length arms. Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale co-star. The trailer is marvelous.

>Man Attempts To Run Through 17 Panes of Glass, Fails

Posted: February 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in records, ridiculous
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This is a true Cinderella story. Reuben de Jong is trying the break his own (I REPEAT, HIS OWN!) world record by running through 17 panes of glass on some sort of bizarre Asian show. It did not go well.

What’s worse: the embarrassment or the sore neck? Gotta give him credit, though. I probably would have quit after the first six head butts. He really should have known that Asians love pulling this crazy stuff on TV.

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