This is not an actual movie trailer but fuck it. It’s getting close to October. Don’t was a fake trailer in Grindhouse and was written by Edgar Wright, the director of Shaun of the Dead. Simon Pegg is actually credited as “bearded cannibal.” Despite the fact that it’s trying to be campy, Don’t actually looks scarier than half the movies that come out today. Those 70’s movies just have a creepy vibe. Much better than all those silly PG-13 movies about ghosts or ridiculous horror porn movies that have the victims exploding with blood the moment they’re killed.
Archive for the ‘videos’ Category
Trailer Park: Don’t
Posted: September 29, 2011 by Keith Stone in Don't, Grindhouse, Trailer Park, videos0
Classic Video of the Week: Dorn
Posted: September 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Major League II, videos
The baseball playoffs start this week, so what better way to commemorate it than with a clip from the greatest baseball movie of all-time, Major League II? After activating himself from General Manager to utility infielder, Roger Dorn comes to the plate in a pivotal situation in Game 7 of the ALCS against the hated White Sox. What follows is the greatest performance of Corbin Bernsen’s storied career. Cut the olé bullshit, it’s never too early for a Roger Dorn Poster Night.
Wrestling Video of the Week: Hey, Yo
Posted: September 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in Razor Ramon, Scott Hall, Slobberknocker, videos, wrestling, WWF
This week we have a very special guest host for the Wrestling Video of the Week. No, not Bob Barker, ZZ Top, or former WCW Champion David Arquette. It’s our old friend, Naitch. Take it away, brother:
This week’s classic wrestling video is none other than the introduction of the bad guy, Razor Ramon. From the moment Vince McMahon says, “We take you now to a Cuban immigrant,” you knew it would be epic. But then, Mr. Hall lowered the boom, telling kids not to go to school, pointing out his slick threads and shiny bling, and then flicking a toothpick into our living rooms for the very first time, chico. In his second appearance, he showed us just how tough he really is by stealing a plum from a fruit stand. Speaking of food, where can I get one of those ice cream bars?
Trailer Park: Little Monsters
Posted: September 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Little Monsters, Trailer Park, videos
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with Little Monsters, a movie in which the modern-day Kevin Arnold gets kidnapped by a freaky monster from under his bed played by Howie Mandel. Looking back at it, it’s kind of a fucked-up flick. Those monsters are scary. Maybe that’s why I’m so desensitized now. Also, what happened to Kevin Arnold’s film career? He was in three classics (Little Monsters, Princess Bride, and The Wizard) and then disappeared with Winnie Cooper.
[Internal monologue: As I looked back on the films of my childhood, I realized that it was gone, kidnapped by the little monsters under my bed. In place of that awe and wonder, I had become a worldly man of cynicism. What has my innocence become?]
Classic Video of the Week: Born To Host
Posted: September 21, 2011 by Keith Stone in Emmys, Jimmy Fallon, TV, videos
Jane Lynch hosted this year’s Emmys. She did a decent job but for my money, nobody comes close to the job that Jimmy Fallon did last year. He started off the show with a bang, with a star-studded rendition of Born To Run. When you have Tina Fey, Joel McHale, and Jon Hamm collaborate on anything, you know it’s going to be good. If only Jimmy’s talk show was this funny.
Wrestling Video of the Week: Um, What?
Posted: September 16, 2011 by Keith Stone in Slobberknocker, Ultimate Warrior, Undertaker, videos, wrestling, WWF
Here’s a promo featuring six of the weirdest characters in wrestling history. The Berzerker, who used to be known as the Viking and still looks and acts like a viking, and Papa Shango, who would go on to be the greatest pimp in wrestling history, are somehow buddies being managed by Mr. Fuji. Fuji, in his stereotypical tuxedo, finds the affair so entertaining that he can’t help but laugh maniacally the entire time. If that’s not enough, you have the absolutely insane Ultimate Warrior growling and making faces being paired up with the Undertaker while Paul Bearer looms ominously. If anyone can figure out what anyone is saying in this, lemme know.
Trailer Park: Over the Top
Posted: September 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in Over the Top, Stallone, Trailer Park, videos
How much coke did Sylvester Stallone do when he came up with the idea for Over the Top? He must’ve been doing lines off Brigitte Nielsen’s ass all night when he was like, “Eh yo, what if we made a movie about a truck-driving arm wrestler whose kid gets kidnapped by Robert Loggia?” It’s just a shame the Academy failed to recognize his scene-stealing turn as Lincoln Hawk.
Classic Video of the Week: Francis Scott Off-Key
Posted: September 13, 2011 by Keith Stone in U!S!A!, videos
This has to be up there with the worst National Anthems of all-time, if only because this lady fucks it up twice. Maybe she’s got the jitters or whatever, but you can’t go out there without practicing the words until you know them inside and out. And then, when she comes back the lyrics written down, YOU CANNOT SLIP ON THE ICE! Yeah, it’s hard to walk on the ice with shoes but if you mess up the Anthem, you better be careful when you’re coming out to do it the second time. She needs to take ice skating lessons from Rocky Balboa.
Wrestling Video of the Week: Hogan-Ultimate Warrior Contract Signing
Posted: September 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in Hulk Hogan, Slobberknocker, Ultimate Warrior, videos, wrestling, WWF“The positive light of the training, the prayers, and the vitamins will prove at Wrestlemania VI that Hulkamania is still the strongest force in the universe.”
Remember the gold old days? When contract signings were done in board rooms instead of in the middle of the ring and ended with a face-off instead of somebody getting hit with the table? WWF President Jack Tunney masterfully presided over the contract signing for the main event at Wrestlemania VI between Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior. It’s a good thing both parties got dressed up for the occasion and had their lawyers take a look at the contract beforehand. I especially like Warrior’s leather jacket and face paint ensemble. Could there be a worse job in the world than being his lawyer? I don’t think so.
Trailer Park: The Replacements
Posted: September 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in The Replacements, Trailer Park, videosThe Replacements is vastly overlooked as a football movie. Sure, it’s a bit goofy and Keanu Reeves’s acting leaves a lot to be desired, but deep down it has a lot of heart. A bunch of replacement players come together as a team to overcome the odds, win the fans’ hearts, and make a run at the playoffs against a team that crossed the picket line? Sign me up. Highly appropriate for all the labor strife we had over the summer.
Rainman Suite 