This young man thought he had what it takes to be a star. He did not. Gotta give him credit for getting back on the stage though. Howie Mandel is apparently terrified the guy was going to touch him or something.
THROW THE DAMNED TOWEL!
Super Bowl XLII hero Plaxico Burress was released from prison today after spending nearly two years locked up for shooting himself in the leg. Here’s hoping he enjoys the time with his family and will be back on the field torching DB’s soon. We’ll always have Glendale.
This is pretty insane. I always figured if I came down with a terminal illness, I’d just do crazy stuff all day until I die. Uphill motocross is now on my list. I just feel bad for the guys that didn’t make it up the first time and had to come back down. Embarrassing!
New York Congressman Anthony Weiner got in trouble this week for sending a picture of his crotch to a college student. And his name is Weiner! Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I don’t get the dong shots. Especially if you’re a public figure. Like this chick is gonna be like, “Oh damn, look at that magnificent bulge. I need me some Weiner.” You know the first thing she did was show her friends and laugh. And then, when it doesn’t work out (and it never does), you know that pic is going to be all over the Internet.
You just can’t do the dong shots in modern times. I’m sure back in the day Joe DiMaggio handed out hundreds of photographs of his “bat.” How do you think he got Marilyn Monroe? Marilyn probably shared the pics with the girls around the studio and that was that. Not anymore.
Then to make things worse, Weiner went on TV and made about 30 double entrendres about his junk. It was as if he was Michael Scott. Still, he denied or confirmed nothing and said he hired a private investigator to investigate. It was the worst move possible. If you say it’s yours, you get some heat but it’ll ultimately die down. If you says it’s not yours, nobody can disprove you. That’s why I don’t understand. He should have just lied. Was this a picture with his creepy, smiling face cropped out? Is there really another unaltered photo out there? Deny till you die.
Tony, Tony, Tony, you should have known better. This probably won’t end up costing you your office, but I’m sure your wife doesn’t like it. The real key is to get chicks to send you pics of themselves. Sometimes they’ll make you send one first. Don’t take the bait. Honestly, you seem like a good guy, but this was real amateur hour stuff. I don’t want you representing New York after this stunt. It’s not so much that you did it, but the lame way you covered it up. You really couldn’t remember taking a shot of your dong? That’s the guy I want enacting important laws. How did you get so far in politics? Be a man and admit it or shut your mouth. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.
Heat Nation Responds To Celebration-Gate
Posted: June 5, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, NBA Finals
Dat Roro Kid couldn’t take Rory’s comments about Game 2 lying down. Here’s what he had to say. He writes erotic fan fiction about LeBron James at Miami Heat Nation.
Some people may reference a concept called ‘taunting’ in the Game 2 loss to the Mavericks. That’s a fairly hilarious notion. It’s mythical. It’s like a rainbow-colored unicorn flying across your bedroom ceiling in the middle of the night. REAL taunting occurs in pre-game introductions. Like, in say, Game 1 when we blasted Cee-Lo’s ‘Fuck You’ during the Mavs pre-game lineup intros. And sure enough…one by one…those eventual losers strut out summarily to assembly line high-fives and deliciously-chagrined mugs. As a Heat fan, it was LAUGHABLE. They just sat there and ate it. We were telling them ‘FUCK YOU’ right in their faces and they took it!!! THAT WAS GAME ONE! Even better was our own team coming out to “Fuck Them Otha N*ggas”. And we did. WE FUCKED THEM VERY HARD.
So if you want to assign Game 2’s win to some kind of revenge for ‘taunting’ (‘taunting’ being a celebratory BIG FUCKING SHOT WHEN WE’RE UP BY 15 WITH 6 MIN TO GO AND D-WADE HOLDING HIS ARM UP AFTER A HUGE CORNER 3), then please go ahead. As Miami Heat Nation, we don’t really mind. We’ve been dogged all year for any single thing we do and it is only motivation you give us to kick the Mavs’ ass in the Finals and dominate the NBA for the next 5 years. If maybe you weren’t some wet-behind-the-ears child, you might know that what actually occurred on the court was a series of defensive breakdowns. The Miami Heat are first and foremost a defensively stout team and without said defense there is no way to get the transition points that allow them to dominate consistently when they are hitting on all cylinders. There was a lack of focus there but I ASSURE YOU that whatever ‘taunting’ has been addressed on this here site was not the case. Why didn’t they come out GUNS BLAZIN’ when we basically told them FUCK YOU in Game 1? Isn’t that the worst taunt imaginable?? Certainly more than D-Wade holding up his arm after a huge 3 (which he is typically poor at hitting if you actually knew anything about the Heat at all).
But, I digress, I’m happy for “celebration-gate”. It’s only more motivation to dominate the fuck out of the NBA for years and years to come. Come along for the ride or shut the fuck up on the sidelines.
Everybody’s Talking About What Everybody Isn’t Talking About But Should Be Talking About
Posted: June 3, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, NBA Finals
Rory had some thoughts about last night’s epic comeback by the Mavericks. As always, check out his musings about the New Jersey Nets, Russian politics, and Bruce Springsteen at Slippery When Nets.Miami-Dallas Game 2 was a game for the ages. I showed up late for the game, arriving at a bar on MacDougal Street roughly halfway through the third quarter. The game was close until I ordered a beer – which coincided with an incredible Miami scoring streak. I figured this drink would be my last, as it didn’t seem worthwhile to stick around as the game was becoming a blowout.
Then, this happened:
And the rest is history. You all know the story by now: the Mavs went on a run and incredibly won the game. And the other story you all know now: that play above DID NOT MEAN ANYTHING. At least, that’s what the general sports media wants to tell you. I have read more articles based on the premise “Everyone is going to say Wade’s taunting changed the game, but that’s not what happened!” than I have articles that actually said “Wade’s taunting changed the game.”
There are many excuses people use to downplay Wade’s taunt, but the typical argument usually goes, “Were the Mavs not trying their hardest to win before the taunt?” Well, have you ever been taunted before? It drives you crazy, and kicks up some weird primal hormones in your brain. You become less rational and more controlled by your base instincts. The rational Mavs were probably thinking, “Tonight’s not our night. It is a best of 7 series after all, so even if we blow this we are going home and can still turn it around.” They were stuck on 73 points for about four minutes of gametime in the fourth quarter. Then the Wade taunt erased all common sense, and the Mavs played like raging bulls.
If taunting did not matter, we would be taunting all the time. Taunting is a fun activity – who doesn’t love putting others down to hide your insecurity? On this site alone, both Keith and I wrote taunting articles towards each other regarding the Knicks and the Nets. But, taunt the wrong person, and you will pay. And that’s what happened last night.
Donnie Walsh Out As Knicks President
Posted: June 3, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Donnie Walsh, Knicks, NBA
Details are still a bit hazy but it looks as if Donnie Walsh will not be returning to his position as Knicks President and GM and will instead be a consultant. Obviously, this is a huge blow. Donnie did a marvelous job digging the Knicks out of salary cap hell and adding Amar’e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony. He wasn’t perfect but he brought an aura of respectability back to the club. Donnie reportedly was overruled during negotiations for Melo and perhaps is tired of not having complete control. His health has also been an issue. This probably won’t be the biggest summer for the Knicks but it still would have been nice to have Donnie’s steady hand continue the job he started three years ago. He’s a throwback to the old school, has had a great career, and is a hell of a guy. He will be missed.
It will be very, very interesting to see who emerges as his replacement…
Bike Riding Kid vs. Rocky Balboa: Who Ya Got?
Posted: June 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in Rocky IV, the kids, Who Ya Got?I have goose bumps. I want this kid to be President. I want this kid to coach all of my teams. If Mike D’Antoni goes to Toronto, Donnie Walsh should really give this kid some consideration as a replacement.
But is it better than Rocky’s speech after he beat Drago? It singlehandedly ended the Cold War and pushed Rocky IV into iconic movie territory.
These are two great speeches but there’s only one question to ask: Who Ya Got?
THUMBS UP EVERYBODY FOR ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!!!
Greatest Road Trip Ever?
Posted: June 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHL, road trip, Stanley Cup Playoffs, Vancouver CanucksGame 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals was pretty epic. I love low-scoring games. The tension is unbearable. The Canucks and Bruins were scoreless for over 59 and a half minutes until Jannik Hansen made a pretty feed to Raffi Hansen for the game-winner. The fans in Vancouver were delirious, but perhaps none more than these guys, who drove 15 hours to watch the Canucks play in San Jose in the Western Conference Finals and ended up drinking with the owner of the team, making a hospital visit, and scoring comps for the next game. It’s a good read.
This clip is kind of old, but here’s Mike Tyson dancing on some Italian show. It’s crazy how good of a sport he’s been since he retired. He’s also not too bad of a dancer. And luckily, he didn’t bite his partner’s ear off.
Rainman Suite 