WEEK 1 Picks: A Fashionable Beginning

Posted: September 9, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, fashion, football, NFL

The Saints-Packers game was a real barnburner last night. Didn’t catch it. I was at Fashion’s Night Out. It might have been better than Halloween. I know that’s sacrilegious but it’s true. Tell a girl they need to look fashionable and they will dress like a whore. They’re so competitive. It’s like who can dress like the biggest whore in New York. Plus half the chicks were taller than me and still about half my weight. It was a fantastic time. You also can’t underestimate how fun it is to go into a store with a DJ blasting club music. And that, my friends, is my expert analysis of the Saints-Packers game. Onto the WEEK 1 picks!

STEELERS AT RAVENS (-1.5)
Stone: Steelers

Rodave: Steelers

Rory: Steelers
Pittsburgh is known for its gay steel mills.  Therefore, they should win this game.

DP Animal: Steelers
I don’t buy the Ravens this year: too old on defense, and Joe Flacco seems just good enough to lose a lot of close games to good teams.  Meanwhile, Pittsburgh remains one of the league’s best teams.

Phanatic: Steelers

FALCONS (-2.5) AT BEARS
Stone: Falcons

Rodave: Falcons

Rory: Falcons
Falcons can fly.  Bears can’t.

DP Animal: Falcons
Playoff flameout or not, the Falcons were one of the two or three best teams in the league last year, and I don’t expect much to have changed.  Matt Ryan is among the best quarterbacks in the league, and the Bears won’t get every lucky break like they did a year ago.

Phanatic: Falcons

BENGALS AT BROWNS (-6.5)
Stone: Bengals
I like the Brownies to win this game but they’re still a young team and aren’t going to run away with it.

Rodave: Browns

Rory: Browns
Cincinnati?  More like Cinci-crappy!

DP Animal: Browns
Sorry to say it, but I’m something of a Colt McCoy believer.  He was better than Sam Bradford a year ago, only no one seemed to notice.  Meanwhile, the Bengals are the worst franchise in the league.

Phanatic: Browns

COLTS AT TEXANS (-1.5)
Stone: Texans

Rodave: Colts

Rory: Texans
Peyton Manning has a herniated disc.  The same injury happened to Lucious Harris in the 2003-04 Nets season, which is the only reason they didn’t win the championship that year.

DP Animal: Texans
I think the Texans are somewhat overrated, but the Colts without Peyton Manning will be terrible.

Phanatic: Texans
Are you ready for some football??? OK, OK, I know it started on Thursday but just the sheer act of getting to pick so many games is making me giddy. Question #1 on my mind is how will the Colts play without Peyton Manning?

LIONS AT BUCCANEERS (-0.5)
Stone: Buccaneers
Why does everyone think the Lions are going to be good?

Rodave: Buccaneers

Rory: Buccaneers

DP Animal: Buccaneers
Not buying the Lions hype either: talent on defense, but we still don’t have any evidence besides draft position that Stafford is more than a mediocre, injury-prone QB.  Tampa has quietly assembled an excellent young core of talent.

Phanatic: Buccaneers

DREAM TEAM (-4.5) AT RAMS
Stone: Rams
Vick on the turf is hard to beat but so is the Rams’ D.

Rodave: Dream Team

Rory: Dream Team

DP Animal: Dream Team
Dream Team! Also, the Rams are another team that’s getting hyped because of the rep of their young QB, even if Bradford’s year was built on six-yard passes.

Phanatic: Dream Team
The theme for this week will be teams trying to start off with a bang and prove themselves after much off-season news/speculation. All eyes especially will be on the Eagles.

GIANTS (-2.5) AT REDSKINS
Stone: Giants

Rodave: Giants
If the Giants don’t win this week, I short the entire season.  The week of the tenth year anniversary of 9/11 in Washington, DC against a division ‘rival’ that has been floundering for seasons.  If that doesn’t get your adrenaline rushing, nothing will.

Rory: Giants
I don’t think the Giants will do well this season, but for fuck’s sake, it’s the Redskins.

DP Animal: Giants

Phanatic: Giants

PANTHERS AT CARDINALS (-6.5)
Stone: Panthers

Rodave: Cardinals

Rory: Cardinals
A total ‘good karma’ pick, as my girlfriend is from Arizona.  But this game should be awful.

DP Animal: Cardinals
People seem to think Cam Newton will be OK.  Where exactly is that confidence coming from? The guy completed 42.1% of his passes in the preseason, he spent all of one year in college, and he never had to call plays or take a snap from under center.  If he completes more than, say, 52% of his passes it’d be a major upset.

Phanatic: Panthers
Will Cam be the real deal? Who knows, but he’ll be better than Kevin Kolb.

SEAHAWKS AT 49ERS (-5.5)
Stone: 49ers
One word: Tarvaris.

Rodave: 49ers

Rory: Seahawks

DP Animal: Seahawks
Gotta support my boys, at least in WEEK 1.  Besides, the 49ers are bad.

Phanatic: 49ers

VIKINGS AT CHARGERS (-8.5)
Stone: Vikings

Rodave: Vikings
If you’re going to pick an upset in Week 1, you might as well go big. Vikings over the Chargers.  Now that he’s finally out of the G-Men’s division, I can finally admit that McNabb at the helm bodes a team well.

Rory: Vikings
I went to San Diego for Comic-Con two months ago.  It was awesome.  There were a ton of hot chicks and a bunch of nerdy guys who had no idea how to talk to them.  If you are a single guy and have decent game, I’d recommend going.

DP Animal: Chargers

Phanatic: Chargers

COWBOYS AT JETS (-4.5)
Stone: Cowboys
Another cover. I say the Jets win this one ugly.

Rodave: Jets
Did you catch who the Jets are playing in New York (well, NJ really)? That’s right, it’s ‘America’s Team.’  Get it?  New York vs. America’s Team on 9/11.  Who’s the big winner?  The United States is the big winner.

Rory: Jets

DP Animal: Jets

Phanatic: Jets

PATRIOTS (-6.5) AT DOLPHINS
Stone: Patriots
The Pats really have something to prove this year.

Rodave: Patriots

Rory: Patriots

DP Animal: Patriots
I’d have taken New England -14.  Chad Henne is not the answer.

Phanatic: Patriots

RAIDERS AT BRONCOS (-2.5)
Stone: Raiders
Why do we get a shitty MNF game WEEK 1?

Rodave: Broncos

Rory: Broncos
I’ll probably be asleep during this game.  Football’s back, guys!

DP Animal: Broncos
Whoops, sorry Cincinnati.  I forgot about the Raiders, the real worst franchise in the league.

Phanatic: Broncos

CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 1-0

Rodave: 1-0
Phanatic: 1-0
Rory: 0-1
DP Animal: 0-1

*Bills-Chiefs and Titans-Jaguars do not have lines as of the time of this post

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