Archive for the ‘baseball’ Category

Paging Dr. Heimlich

Posted: September 29, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, BOSTON SUCKS, MLB, Sox
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The Red Sox capped off the greatest collapse in baseball history with an epic ending involving not one, but two games finishing within minutes of each other. Throw in the pretty impressive Phillies-Braves game and you had a pretty insane night of baseball. As for Sox fans, now they can spend October watching the leaves change color in their pretty little pink hats without having to worry about missing a game. How do you lose to the Orioles with your season on the line!?!?!?!?!?!? Nice work in the ninth, Papelbon. And Crawford botching the final play was the icing on the cake of an embarrassing 2011 season. At least he’s getting like $120 million over the next six years. The 1927 Yankees the Red Sox are not.

Trivia Time: MLB Tiebreaker Edition

Posted: September 29, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB, trivia
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There’s nothing more exciting than a baseball tiebreaker. Well, maybe Game 7 of the World Series. There have been 13 tiebreakers all-time, most recently in 2009. In 1969, Major League Baseball modified its tiebreaking procedures to make the rules in both the American and National Leagues uniform. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and you win the pennant. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

Prior to 1969, what was the difference between the AL and NL tiebreaker? (and a hint: it wasn’t that the NL winner got to lose to the Yankees in the World Series)

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Glen Sather vs. Brian Cashman: Who Ya Got?

Posted: September 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, BOSTON SUCKS, Brian Cashman, Glen Sather, hockey, MLB, NHL, Philly sucks, Rangers, Who Ya Got?, Yankees
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The past week has been big for New York GM’s. At an announcement in Philadelphia for the upcoming Winter Classic between the Rangers and Flyers, Glen Sather was a one-man show. Doing his best to to channel Gary Peyton and Miss Cleo, he declared that not only would the Blueshirts win the Winter Classic, but would win the Stanley Cup. To rub it in Philly’s fat craw even more, he also threw in that the Yankees would win the World Series. In case you’re keeping track at home, this is the first ever cross-sports Title guarantee. I loved it but next time, how about a little love for the G-Men?


Over in the Bronx, Brian Cashman revealed that although he wined and dined Carl Crawford in the offseason, he had no desire to sign the outfielder. He was just driving his price up for the Red Sox. Cashman said, “Everybody kept writing Crawford, Crawford, Crawford, Crawford. And I was like, ‘I feel like we’ve got Carl Crawford in Brett Gardner, except he costs more than $100 million less.” The Sox eventually signed the .255 hitter for the GDP of a mid-size nation. That’s real moneyball, people. Then, although I cannot confirm this, I like to think he was the one that leaked the news to TMZ that John Lackey was getting a divorce from his cancer-stricken wife. Who does he think he is, Larry David? Lackey received a text message from a member of the media before his start in a losing effort, which doesn’t look like it helped in Boston’s last gasp for the playoffs. It was all Brian Cashman! He has proven how devious he can be!

These are two scheming, genius General Managers, but there’s only one question to ask: Who Ya Got?

Classic Video of the Week: Dorn

Posted: September 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Major League II, videos
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The baseball playoffs start this week, so what better way to commemorate it than with a clip from the greatest baseball movie of all-time, Major League II? After activating himself from General Manager to utility infielder, Roger Dorn comes to the plate in a pivotal situation in Game 7 of the ALCS against the hated White Sox. What follows is the greatest performance of Corbin Bernsen’s storied career. Cut the olé bullshit, it’s never too early for a Roger Dorn Poster Night.

Tom Cabral, Man’s Man

Posted: September 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, BOSTON SUCKS, Man's Man, MLB, Sox, Yankees
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Erik Bedard was preparing to pitch on Tuesday for the Red Sox when he was served with papers for a child support case by Tom Cabral, a Yankees fan. Cabral used the opportunity to not only do his job but help his favorite team; he wore a Yankees shirt while doing the deed. Bedard couldn’t even manage to get out of the third inning that night, giving up four runs and hastening Boston’s September collapse.

I’m not surprised somebody on the Sox would be having legal problems, especially something having to do with paying child support, but what a genius move by Cabral. He served Bedard at Fenway Park a few hours before his start! He was like, “You’re a bad dad and your team is an embarrassing piece of garbage. Good luck on your start tonight!” There was no chance he was going to win.

Of course, Bedard’s babymama didn’t even have his address so Fenway was the only place to find him.  What is this, Kentucky? Actually, yes, this chick was from Kentucky. Stay classy, Boston. Your playoff hopes are resting partially on the shoulder of a hick who is trying to run out on his child support. For proving once again that the Yankees have the smartest fans in baseball, Tom Cabral, you are a man’s man.

NY Post

Yanks Rule the East (Again)

Posted: September 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, champagne, MLB, Yankees
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As I predicted in March, another baseball season is coming to an end with Boston’s faces up the Yankees’ asses. The Red Sox can continue to choke the season away all they want, Captain Jeter is kicking it old school spraying champagne on Kim Jones with no goggles. It was another great day for the Bombers, who pieced together a doubleheader sweep of the Devil Rays using approximately 46 pitchers in the first game and then in the best moment of the season, having Jorge Posada drive in the game-winning runs as a pinch hitter in the second game. The Yankees are finally getting healthy and should clinch home field throughout the AL playoffs in a few days. The opportunity to rest will be vital. There are still questions about the pitching rotation but it looks like Ivan Nova is stepping up and will be a solid choice to go after CC. The postseason starts next week…

Go Yanks (But Only By 3 Or Fewer Runs)

Posted: September 20, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Mariano Rivera, MLB, Yankees
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I went to the Yanks game and saw Mo Rivera pick up save #602. Kind of a fun, weird game. On the one hand, there was a ton of anticipation in the air knowing that the record might get broken. On the other hand, the Yanks needed to be up by 1-3 runs by the ninth inning. With A.J. Burnett and the immortal Scott Diamond on the mound, it seemed like a longshot either way. Luckily, both pitchers were equally shitty, the Yanks carried a 6-4 lead into the ninth, and history was made. I’ve never rooted against the Yanks to win but only by a few runs. Not too fun. In the eighth, I was happy that they got a few runners on base and then actively pulled against them, but only for that half-inning. Bizarre.

I’ve always thought the save is overrated but Mariano is so humble, that the accolades don’t get on my nerves as they might if it was another closer. The save might be a bogus stat but coming in when the game is on the line and having ice water in your veins to lock down the game is something special. Mo has that. He couldn’t be as great as he is without his teammates, but it sure isn’t bad to have the greatest closer of all-time coming out of the bullpen to lock down a big game. If anything, this record celebrates his longevity and the fact that he’s been so great for so long is legit. Mickey Rooney is jealous.

Jabroni of the Week: MLB Schedule Makers

Posted: September 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Bud Selig, jabronis, MLB
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Major League Baseball released the schedule for the 2012 season this past week. I couldn’t help but notice that it kicked off on April 4. That means the last game is going to be played on October 3. With an expanded playoffs, the World Series might start in November. Here in the Northeast, it’s already pretty cold. It’s no fun to sit outside when it’s freezing for a four-hour baseball game, no matter how important it is.

This year, Game 7 of the World Series is scheduled to take place on October 27. It’s a little late but fine. At the same time, the season started in March. No matter what, there’s going to be games that are played when it’s far too cold. At least at the beginning of the season you can schedule them in domes and warm weather. The real problem is that the season is too long but nobody is ever going to change it. The teams make money off the additional games and traditionalists would throw a fit if anything ever changed. That’s why baseball is so ass-backwards to begin with.

Schedule makers, babies, I have a perfect plan for you. You’re never going to do it but hear me out. Change everything. Shorten the regular season to 100 games from the middle of April to the middle of September. Give teams more off days. We’ll see better played games. Extend the playoffs. Make every series a best-of-nine.

If teams are judged by their long-term resolve in the regular season, let’s see the same thing happen in the playoffs. Why should a team get eliminated after 162 games if they hit a three-game skid of bad luck? Feel free to realign the leagues and add additional teams to the playoffs. It never made sense to me that the AL West has four teams when the NL Central has six.

We’ll still get a World Series ending in mid-to-late October but this time the best team will really win. The extra playoff games won’t make up for the loss of regular season ones but they will be more exciting and engaging than the previous version. Baseball has been stuck in the past for a long time. Just because this is the way it’s always been done, doesn’t mean it’s the right way. If that was true, we wouldn’t have streaming porn. Turn the system upside-down. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brothers.

Philly’s Got Talent

Posted: September 13, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB, Phillies, Philly sucks
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“Don’t stop. This is Philly. Put your bats up.”

Young man JGarzzle, also known as Big Philly Fan, is pretty excited about the Phillies, who have the best record in baseball as well as in their franchise’s history. Who wouldn’t? They have four three two dominant pitchers and the tradition of two World Championships over the last 100 years.

What better way to celebrate than making a music video to Jennifer Lopez’s On the Floor? Because really when I think of the Fightin’s, I think of lame dance songs about hooking up with dudes at the club. I also like the fact that JGarzzle made the video despite the fact that it seems that his parents were sleeping in the next room. The whisper is sexy. I haven’t seen this much swag coming out of Philadelphia since Will Smith.

Selig, Selig Go Away

Posted: September 7, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Bud Selig, MLB, rain, Yankees
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Last night’s Yankees game started after 11PM because of the rain. Apparently, Bud Selig told the team around 5PM that the game was going to be played no matter what. It’s ridiculous. They’ve been hit hard by the rain this year. Instead of having four September off days like originally planned, they’re down to one. That’s a big deal for a team looking to make a run in the playoffs.

Push these games to the end of the season if they need to be played. You’re risking injury by playing in the rain and ending games at 2AM isn’t good for the fans and gets the players out of rhythm. Luckily, the Yanks won but you don’t want an important loss to occur because it’s passed Mariano Rivera’s bedtime. It seems like Selig and MLB never use common sense when it comes to anything whether it’s games taking five hours or banning videos on YouTube. Add this to the list.

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