Archive for the ‘football’ Category

Pat Hanlon, Man’s Man

Posted: August 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Giants, Man's Man, NFL, Pat Hanlon
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New York Giants VP of Communications, Pat Hanlon, took to Twitter yesterday and lashed out against Giants fans who were upset about the team’s quiet offseason and most recently the departure of receiver Steve Smith to Philadelphia. Hanlon’s tweets included gems like:

“You like winning? Sit tight.”

“The last proclamation out of Philly that meant anything was a Declaration in 1776.”

“A lot of noisemakers end up in the ditch.”

“We don’t play on paper. You know what you can do w/ that paper?”

“Rebuild my ass! I got your rebuild.”

Hanlon is right on. He’s never been afraid to take anyone on whether it’s a fool like Rex Ryan or even his own disillusioned fans. Nobody is forcing anyone to root for the Giants. If you’re so unhappy about the team’s moves then go root for the Jets or the Eagles.

For some reason, the criticism against the Giants always seems to come doubly harsh. They won 10 games last year and missed the playoffs on a tiebreaker. That’s a good season. Not great, but a very solid season in which there were a ton of injuries. They won 10 games in 2007 and then all they did was win the Super Bowl.

Management didn’t have a ton of money to spend and they weren’t willing to take big financial risks on question marks. Some guys, like Mathias Kiwanuka, took less money to stay with the Blue. Others, like Steve Smith and Kevin Boss, went for the cash and there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re both Champions who played significant roles in the greatest Giants season of all-time and they’re allowed to think for themselves and their families. I’ll personally always think of them fondly and wish them well (even Smith playing for a division rival).

The fact of the matter is that everything isn’t as bad as everyone is making it out to be, just like Hanlon said. Every significant skill player is back. Coming out of the lockout, that’s going to be important as teams have less time to assimilate newbies into their systems.

Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs were running really well towards the end of last year when they were both healthy and should play a larger role in the offense. Hakeem Nicks and Mario Manningham were also money in 2010, combining for 20 TD’s and nearly 2,000 yards. With another year of Eli’s passes coming their way, their numbers should only continue to improve. When Osi Umenyiora’s situation is resolved, and it looks like it might be soon, every healthy, young player from last year’s team will be back and ready to contribute.

The losses hurt but there are a lot of young players waiting in the wings that will need to step up. General Manager Jerry Reese has proven to be a good evaluator of talent before and hopefully guys like Kevin Boothe and Travis Beckum will pan out. He may have dug himself a hole by mismanaging the cap a bit but he is also prudent in leaving some room to make adjustments as the season gets closer and even during the season. Reese is a tough guy and knows what he’s doing. He also does a great Jim Fassel impression.

Champions know that the game is played on the field. All the Giants fans that are complaining need to take their whine somewhere else. A season isn’t lost with one injury or defection. The Dream Team can start planning their parade down Broad St. as Michael Vick rides in a float with a litter of puppies and Steve Smith brings up the rear in a motorized wheelchair. I won’t start thinking about it until February 5th. Talk is cheap. Play the game. Keep calling out the haters, Pat Hanlon. You are a man’s man.

Rex Ryan Needs To Stop Talking, Part 54

Posted: August 5, 2011 by Keith Stone in Fat Boy Rex, football, Jets, NFL, tattoos
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Rex Ryan showed up at Jets training camp with a new tat on his right leg. No surprise here. The classy Jets fan base probably has several thousand douchey tribal tattoos amongst them. The only thing puzzling was the explanation. Rex said it meant “believe in yourself.” No it doesn’t, idiot. It’s a bunch of squiggly lines and shapes. If anything, it looks like an octopus. Concentrate on winning games and sucking your wife’s toes and less on getting ugly tattoos and making up stupid reasoning behind them. No Super Bowls since 1969, brotha.

Trivia Time: NFL Returns Edition

Posted: July 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, NFL, trivia
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After all this lockout nonsense, I can barely remember anything about the 2010 season. I think the Packers won the Super Bowl or something. It’s time for a refresher. That brings us to our Question of the Week. If you get it right, the title belt is all yours. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

Who led the NFL in rushing yards in 2010? (and a hint: it is not Steve Weatherford)

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Getting A Fix

Posted: July 27, 2011 by Dinner Party Animal in football, NFL
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Let’s not kid ourselves, pro sports are basically legally sanctioned drugs that don’t require a needle (unless you’re a Bills fan).  An iron-clad rule in drug dealing (not that I know anything about that world) is that you never let the addict hit rock bottom.  Once someone bottoms out, they stand a chance of getting clean, and as a dealer that’s not good business.  Sure, you can hold out on them for a little while, especially if they don’t have your cash, but eventually you’ve got to hand over the goods.

That hit home with the NFL this week.  For years, they’ve been the guy with the real primo shit, and the lockout was their way of letting all us addicts know just how much we need them.  I mean, the internet and sports radio went batshit loco at the very thought that players might be changing teams, and here we are in late July.  Fuck the baseball trade deadline, people are far more interested in where Matt Leinart will troll for nightclub snatch this fall.

I know firsthand how a league can overplay their hand.  Years ago, I was a dedicated NBA fan.  I’d do the kinds of things that a guy without a girlfriend will actively brag about, like stay up all night to listen to my team play the LA Clippers in Japan on a pirated internet stream at 5 am.  I even bought a basketball jersey, which is the worst fashion choice a male can make that doesn’t involve the word “Tapout.” Suffice it to say, I was hooked.

Then my team moved to an overgrown cattle ranch in the middle of America’s taint, and now I spend more time watching soccer (SOCCER!) than following the NBA.  I hit rock bottom, and realized that I’d rather not give my money to a league that treats me like I just passed over a fake $10 bill.

So it’s with that in mind that I was confident that the NFL would never actually test the limits of what fans would endure.  It’s easy to say now that the NFL is an unstoppable juggernaut, by far the most popular sport in America. It’s easy because it’s true, but just because it’s true in 2011 doesn’t mean it has to be true forever.  It wasn’t true 40, 30, or even 20 years ago, and it might not be true in 10 years time either.

Sure, it seemed unlikely that the players and owners would leave $9 billion on the table, but considering what’s going on in DC right now, assuming the rich and powerful have a modicum of common sense is a loser’s bet.  Still, they know the pusher’s ethos, and they pushed us just far enough to remind us that as much as we hate them, we need them way too much to get clean.  Because shit, who the fuck wants to do something other than watch football on a November Sunday?

FOOTBALL IS BACK!!!!

Posted: July 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, NFL, NFL lockout
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The player representatives of the 32 teams have unanimously approved the new NFL collective bargaining agreement, along with the owners themselves except for Al Davis (because he’s dead). That means it’s time to get back on the gridiron! Giants-Redskins is 48 days away. The first order of business is to re-sign Ahmad Bradshaw and make sure Osi Umenyiora is happy. Should be interesting but the really good news is that we’re going to see football this fall. AND THE TWINS!

Kerry Collins, Superstar

Posted: July 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Kerry Collins, NFL
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I’ll always remember the 2000 NFC Championship Game. I was sitting in the same row as Andy Rooney at the old Giants Stadium and the Giants scored twice before the Vikings even had the ball en route to a 41-0 victory. The game was a microcosm of Kerry Collins’s career. Although he shredded the Vikes for 381 yards and an NFL Playoff-record five touchdowns, he was overshadowed by the sheer magnitude of the blowout.

In Carolina and New Orleans, his accomplishments were tainted by charges of alcoholism and racism. When he resurrected his career with the Giants, he was under-appreciated despite giving the team a steady hand at the QB position that it had been missing for many years. He usually wasn’t the best player on field, but he always came to play. After a disappointing 4-12 season in 2003, he was discarded in preference of Eli Manning and went to Oakland where it looked like his time was over.

But you could never count Kerry Collins out. He resurfaced as Vince Young’s apprentice in Tennessee and took over for an injured Young in 2008. All he did was lead the Titans to a 13-3 record, the best in the NFL. Kerry Collins isn’t going into the Hall of Fame, but he threw for over 40,000 yards and that’s no small feat. It’s more than Steve Young has. I’ll remember Kerry for his quiet consistency and neverending resiliency. He was a damn good football player even if he never got his due and I’ll never forget the five touchdown passes he threw on that field of painted mud.

Roy Williams Is a Hopeless Romantic

Posted: July 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in Cowgirls, football, NFL, romance, Roy Williams
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Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Roy Williams fulfilled every chick’s fantasy with his girlfriend, Brooke Daniels, a former Miss Texas USA, by giving her a $76,000 engagement ring and a unique marriage proposal. He sent the ring and a taped message asking for her hand in marriage in an overnight package. Wouldn’t expect anything less classy coming from a Cowboy. How did a loser like Roy Williams end up with a beauty queen anyway? He caught like 12 passes last year.

Shockingly, Miss Texas rejected his proposal and Williams told her to keep the ring; he knew she’d come crawling back. Another bold move. When she was like, “Uhhhhhhh OK, thanks,” the WR decided he actually did want the ring. She said she lost it so he sued her but luckily the ring was found in her father’s care. And that, my friends, is the story of the lamest marriage proposal ever. Can we end the lockout please and concentrate on actual football stories now?

ESPN

Football Cops!

Posted: June 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in crime and punishment, Eli, football, NFL, NFL lockout
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Peyton: “Guess nobody told him that justice was a team sport.”
Eli: “What does that mean?”

Eli and Peyton Manning took their newfound extra time from the NFL Lockout and put it into a worthy cause: Football Cops, a new TV show on DirecTV. Peyton stars as Mike Tahoe, an orphan who turned his back on a pro football career to be a cop. Eli stars as his biggest rival and fellow orphan, C.J. Hunter, who is the only man brave enough to sweep up crime on the city streets using nothing more than a football. Archie Manning guest-stars as defense attorney and Football Cop nemesis Orlando Midnight.

If this is real, it is going to be awesome and I will probably change my service to DirecTV. Or hopefully it will be on NBC six months later. I would have liked to see more cameos. How about Mike Vick as the bad guy and Ray Lewis as an informant? I WOULD WATCH THIS. The trailer was already better than the entire first season of The Killing. Maybe the lockout isn’t going to be so bad after all.

Pay Osi

Posted: June 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Giants, NFL, Osi Umenyiora
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Osi Umenyiora has had a contentious tenure with the Giants. It hit a new apex this week when a heated affidavit was released as part of the NFL players’ lawsuit against the owners. In the statement, Osi says that in 2008 he was promised a renegotiated contract or trade prior to the 2010 season by Giants GM Jerry Reese contingent on playing at a continued high level.

Osi sounds angry and bitter but this has also been blown out of proportion by the press. Osi tore his meniscus in the 2008 preseason and struggled in 2009 while feuding with the coaching staff. Presumably, he didn’t deserve a new contract especially with the injury concerns. However, Osi had a great 2010, leading the team in sacks and posting a NFL-record 10 forced fumbles despite a torn labrum. Osi may have a beef with playing time or the depth chart, but the Giants always have a glut of defensive ends. He had to deal with the same problem in 2007 when the team won the Super Bowl and he made the Pro Bowl, except now he’s finally getting back into form.

Osi still probably isn’t too happy about his salary. He is underpaid.  He had a major role in winning the Super Bowl and the Giants owe him for that. His teammate, Eli Manning, is one of the highest-paid players in the league. At the same time, perhaps this is less against the Giants and more in helping the players in the lockout. Despite his unhappiness, Osi has played hard the last two seasons. Losing him would be a huge blow to the defensive line and the entire defense. Osi is a beast. He doesn’t hit quarterbacks; he crushes them. From a strictly on-the-field standpoint, the Giants should give Osi a raise, not only to keep him in blue but to keep him happy. They can’t afford not to.

Plus, he always rolls with the ladies.

NY Daily News

Freed Plaxico

Posted: June 6, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, NFL, PLAXICOOOOOO!!!!!!!
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Super Bowl XLII hero Plaxico Burress was released from prison today after spending nearly two years locked up for shooting himself in the leg. Here’s hoping he enjoys the time with his family and will be back on the field torching DB’s soon. We’ll always have Glendale.

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