Archive for the ‘Man’s Man’ Category

Tom Cabral, Man’s Man

Posted: September 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, BOSTON SUCKS, Man's Man, MLB, Sox, Yankees
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Erik Bedard was preparing to pitch on Tuesday for the Red Sox when he was served with papers for a child support case by Tom Cabral, a Yankees fan. Cabral used the opportunity to not only do his job but help his favorite team; he wore a Yankees shirt while doing the deed. Bedard couldn’t even manage to get out of the third inning that night, giving up four runs and hastening Boston’s September collapse.

I’m not surprised somebody on the Sox would be having legal problems, especially something having to do with paying child support, but what a genius move by Cabral. He served Bedard at Fenway Park a few hours before his start! He was like, “You’re a bad dad and your team is an embarrassing piece of garbage. Good luck on your start tonight!” There was no chance he was going to win.

Of course, Bedard’s babymama didn’t even have his address so Fenway was the only place to find him.  What is this, Kentucky? Actually, yes, this chick was from Kentucky. Stay classy, Boston. Your playoff hopes are resting partially on the shoulder of a hick who is trying to run out on his child support. For proving once again that the Yankees have the smartest fans in baseball, Tom Cabral, you are a man’s man.

NY Post

Pat Hanlon, Man’s Man

Posted: August 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Giants, Man's Man, NFL, Pat Hanlon
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New York Giants VP of Communications, Pat Hanlon, took to Twitter yesterday and lashed out against Giants fans who were upset about the team’s quiet offseason and most recently the departure of receiver Steve Smith to Philadelphia. Hanlon’s tweets included gems like:

“You like winning? Sit tight.”

“The last proclamation out of Philly that meant anything was a Declaration in 1776.”

“A lot of noisemakers end up in the ditch.”

“We don’t play on paper. You know what you can do w/ that paper?”

“Rebuild my ass! I got your rebuild.”

Hanlon is right on. He’s never been afraid to take anyone on whether it’s a fool like Rex Ryan or even his own disillusioned fans. Nobody is forcing anyone to root for the Giants. If you’re so unhappy about the team’s moves then go root for the Jets or the Eagles.

For some reason, the criticism against the Giants always seems to come doubly harsh. They won 10 games last year and missed the playoffs on a tiebreaker. That’s a good season. Not great, but a very solid season in which there were a ton of injuries. They won 10 games in 2007 and then all they did was win the Super Bowl.

Management didn’t have a ton of money to spend and they weren’t willing to take big financial risks on question marks. Some guys, like Mathias Kiwanuka, took less money to stay with the Blue. Others, like Steve Smith and Kevin Boss, went for the cash and there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re both Champions who played significant roles in the greatest Giants season of all-time and they’re allowed to think for themselves and their families. I’ll personally always think of them fondly and wish them well (even Smith playing for a division rival).

The fact of the matter is that everything isn’t as bad as everyone is making it out to be, just like Hanlon said. Every significant skill player is back. Coming out of the lockout, that’s going to be important as teams have less time to assimilate newbies into their systems.

Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs were running really well towards the end of last year when they were both healthy and should play a larger role in the offense. Hakeem Nicks and Mario Manningham were also money in 2010, combining for 20 TD’s and nearly 2,000 yards. With another year of Eli’s passes coming their way, their numbers should only continue to improve. When Osi Umenyiora’s situation is resolved, and it looks like it might be soon, every healthy, young player from last year’s team will be back and ready to contribute.

The losses hurt but there are a lot of young players waiting in the wings that will need to step up. General Manager Jerry Reese has proven to be a good evaluator of talent before and hopefully guys like Kevin Boothe and Travis Beckum will pan out. He may have dug himself a hole by mismanaging the cap a bit but he is also prudent in leaving some room to make adjustments as the season gets closer and even during the season. Reese is a tough guy and knows what he’s doing. He also does a great Jim Fassel impression.

Champions know that the game is played on the field. All the Giants fans that are complaining need to take their whine somewhere else. A season isn’t lost with one injury or defection. The Dream Team can start planning their parade down Broad St. as Michael Vick rides in a float with a litter of puppies and Steve Smith brings up the rear in a motorized wheelchair. I won’t start thinking about it until February 5th. Talk is cheap. Play the game. Keep calling out the haters, Pat Hanlon. You are a man’s man.

Mason Chibnick, Man’s Man

Posted: August 7, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, crime and punishment, Man's Man
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Deputy Mason Chibnick was transferred from his job at the all-female Paul Rein Detention Facility in Pompano, FL for fostering what is being called an “orgy-like atmosphere” at the prison. From everything I’ve ever seen about women’s prisons, this is nothing unusual. In fact, I say Dep. Chibnick was not only doing his job but should be honored for doing it very well.

Of course he was watching the inmates performing sex acts on each other. He’s a prison guard. He’s supposed to watch them! It would be a crime against humanity to prevent these lovely ladies from expressing their newfound love for one another with some hot lesbian action.

So what he contacted an inmate after she was released and texted her a picture of his penis next to a toothbrush? That’s a classy move. Dep. Chibnick isn’t just concerned with his inmates when they’re locked up. He wants to make sure they acclimate back to society and maintain proper dental health. Nine out of 10 dentists would agree that Dep. Chibnick, you are a man’s man.

Sun Sentinel

Mike Fetters, Man’s Man

Posted: July 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, food, Man's Man, Mike Fetters, MLB
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Kenny Powers would tell you that it’s hard to move on after you’re done with baseball, but former Major League reliever Mike Fetters found a way to give back to the fans that watched him play. Fetters illegally goes around Miller Park in Milwaukee with a cauldron of cheese and lets fans dunk their food in for only $2. He’ll even add a fried egg for $1. Fetters claims he doesn’t need the money and is only doing it for the love of the game and the fans. Although he’s had some run-ins with security and food inspectors, Fetters enjoys what he’s doing and continues to live the high life. Only in Milwaukee could he get away with something like that. Mike Fetters, you are a Man’s Man.

The Awl