Archive for the ‘NFL’ Category

Same Old Quarterback

Posted: November 19, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Jets, NFL, Sanchize
0

With the success of the past few years, Jets fans have continued to support Mark Sanchez despite the fact that he seemingly has more cover shoots than touchdowns. That is, except my buddy Ben. These are his thoughts on the state of QB position for the Jets after Thursday night’s loss to the Broncos:

Football Fans, New Yorkers, and Jets Fans! hear me for my
cause, and be silent, that you may hear: believe me
for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that
you may believe: censure me in your wisdom, and
awake your senses, that you may the better judge.
If there be any in this assembly, any dear friend of
Sanchez’s, to him I say, that Ben’s love for Sanchez
was no less than his. If then that friend demand
why Ben rose against Sanchez, this is my answer:
–Not that I loved Sanchez less, but that I loved
the Jets more. Had you rather Sanchez the franchise and
die without having tasted Super Bowl glory, than Sanchez gone, and we live
with the hope of championships? As Sanchez loved Jets fans, I weep for him;
as he was fortunate, I rejoice at it; as he was
talented, I honour him: but, as he was an awful NFL quarterback, we fans slew him.
There is tears for his love; joy for his
fortune; honour for his efforts; and death for his lack of accuracy and field sense.
Who is here so base that would be a
bondman? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
Who is here so rude that would not be a Jets fan? If
any, speak; for him have I offended. Who is here so
vile that will not love his team? If any, speak;
for him have I offended. I pause for a reply.

—Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, with slight edits for the situation

I went to bed at 2 AM Thursday night.

I didn’t intend to do that. But when the Jets lost night, I cursed, I punched the air and I think I freaked out my sweet and thankfully very understanding girlfriend. I called an audible and decided it was best not to go to bed at that moment. I was too angry.

It was an anger borne out of frustration. It was an anger borne out confusion. And in the end, it was anger borne out of a realization, the realization that the Jets are never going to be more than a decent team with Mark Sanchez at quarterback.

Coach bravado can only get you so far when you can’t throw five yard slant when and where it should be.

For a brief moment, I felt jealous of Broncos fans. Tim Tebow is a terrible NFL quarterback. He will almost certainly always be a terrible NFL quarterback. He can’t throw. He can’t read pass coverages. But right now, at least there’s always the small chance that he’s something more.

Then I pitied them, because they, like us Jets fans were, will be suckered in by the brief but exciting moments moments of glory.  When a QB leads your team back from the brink, it’s only natural to forget that the QB put your team there by bad turnovers, or in Tebow’s case, such inept play that the Broncos only had two sustained drives on the evening- and only came away with three points in four drives starting in Jets territory.

But the heroic moments do stop coming because eventually the other parts of the team covering up for the three quarters of bad play can’t hold back the deluge any more. And when that flood comes, you realize that you’ve spent three years watching the suck with no hope that it’s going to change any time soon.

(more…)

S.H.I.T.: Jets-Broncos

Posted: November 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, Denver Broncos, football, Jets, NFL, S.H.I.T.
0

Tonight’s S.H.I.T. game is actually a shit game. Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez will bring new meaning to the word futility as they see which one can complete the fewest passes. The Jets defense preys on bad offenses and that’s what they’re going to do tonight. I foresee a blowout. That is unless God Tebow has something to do about it.

JETS (-5.5) AT BRONCOS
Stone: Jets
Slumdeezy: Jets
Rory: Jets
DP Animal: Jets
Phanatic: Broncos

CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 82-60 (Last week: 9-6)
Rory: 81-61 (11-4)
Slumdeezy: 75-67 (9-6)
DP Animal: 68-74 (7-8)
Phanatic: 67-75 (6-9)

WEEK 76 – Go For It

Posted: November 14, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 Giants, football, Giants, NFL, San Francisco 49ers
0

49ers 27, Giants 20

The problem with having every game come down to the last drive is that you never know when somebody’s going to get their hand up and knock a pass down on fourth down. The Giants played well. So did the 49ers. I thought they were very evenly matched but San Fran was willing to pull out all the stops to get a W. The Niners had that perfect onsides kick while the Giants couldn’t convert either of their first two drives from inside the 10.

It’s been a reoccurring problem all season. The play calling is just too conservative in the red zone, especially on second- and third-and-long. Even in the second and third quarter, I know you don’t want to air it out on every play, but when you’re playing without your starting running back, you have to take more chances with the passing game. When Eli is moving the ball, just let him fucking do his thing. I know that a couple of those delayed handoffs were working, but the closer you get to the goal line, the harder it is to get open in the end zone because there’s less space. Eli should have been throwing. And what happened to Brandon Jacobs running like he used to? He was going side-to-side again instead of straight ahead. Even if he doesn’t get a ton of yards, at least he’s beating down the D-line. So frustrating.

So yeah, it was a close game. I thought we were a little bit better, but the real difference was the onsides kick, Weatherford’s bad punt, and Eli’s bad INT. Now we’re probably looking at the 3-seed at best. It sucks, but hey, at least I don’t have to root for Michael Vick.

WEEK 10 Picks: Value Added

Posted: November 13, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL
0

I hate shopping. If I need something, I go to the store and I get it. Mama Stone is the opposite. She would buy a sombrero if she thought she was getting a good deal for it. That’s why she has about 30 bottles of shampoo sitting in a closet. How could she not buy them? She had a coupon! Just because something is a good value does not make it a good purchase. Unless you’re Rapunzel, in this situation.

In our world, you might be tempted to make a pick because you’re getting an extra point or two. Oh goodie, the Jets line is only -1.5. Doesn’t matter because the Pats are going to blow them out. Taking the Jets is the equivalent of a chick thinking she got a good deal because she bought a pair of shoes on sale for $350 when they were listed at $500. She’s still an idiot and I still would want to tag her. And no, that doesn’t make me gay for Tom Brady. Picks!

STEELERS (-2.5) AT BENGALS
Stone: Steelers
The Bengals are a solid team, but they haven’t played anyone good this year.

Slumdeezy: Steelers

Rory: Steelers
Red Rocket vs. Big Ben in the battle of nicknames for your penis!

DP Animal: Steelers

Phanatic: Bengals

BRONCOS AT CHIEFS (-2.5)
Stone: Broncos
I’m convinced all four teams in the AFC West are going to end up at 8-8.

Slumdeezy: Broncos

Rory: Broncos

DP Animal: Broncos

Phanatic: Chiefs

(more…)

So Happy It’s Thursday: Raiders vs. Chargers

Posted: November 10, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL, S.H.I.T.
0

My 11th grade math teacher used the same joke every Thursday. It was like clockwork. “Hey guys, I’m so happy it’s Thursday. Get it? S.H.I.T.” Ahhh, yes. For the rest of the year, we will all be so happy it’s Thursday because we get to watch a mediocre football game. It’s still better than the MLS Playoffs. This week the Raiders visit the Chargers with the right to be eliminated on Wild Card Weekend at stake. The subplots are several! How many interceptions will Carson Palmer throw? Eight? Nine? Will Phil Rivers be the first player in NFL history to murder one of his teammates? How many times will the announcers mention that Antonio Gates played basketball in college? We’re all so happy to make some picks. I hope they’re not all the same! Bud Light, here we go…

RAIDERS AT CHARGERS (-6.5)
Stone: Chargers
Slumdeezy: Chargers
Rory: Chargers
DP Animal: Chargers
Phanatic: Chargers

CURRENT RECORDS
Stone: 73-54 (Last week: 8-6)
Rory: 70-57 (9-5)
Slumdeezy: 66-61 (7-7)
Phanatic: 61-66 (6-8)
DP Animal: 61-66 (7-7)

WEEK 75 – Deja Vu

Posted: November 6, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 Giants, BOSTON SUCKS, football, Giants, New England Patriots, NFL
0

Giants 24, Patriots 20

What a great game. Both teams, give yourselves a round of applause. OK Tom Brady, you can leave now. I mean, it looked like the Giants’ hopes were pinned on Eli but I don’t think anyone could have expected him to respond the way he did. Two game-winning touchdowns in the last 3:03! He won the game, and then after Brady went down the field, he won the fucking game again. Did I mention that he did it without his top rusher and receiver? And how about Brandon Jacobs running hard for the first time all season? Looks like he’s going to be a force for the rest of the year.

The entire team just came together. It was such a great win. Jake Ballard is money at tight end. Who needs Kevin Boss? Manningham and Cruz just kept doing their thing, and Ramses Barden had a few nice plays. The offensive line has finally solidified into a competent unit and Eli had plenty of time to throw. The D was also great. The Tuck-Osi-JPP hydra attacked Brady from beginning to end and Wes Welker didn’t do any real damage.

The amazing thing is that it was probably closer than it needed to be. If Aaron Ross doesn’t fumble that punt, who knows if the Pats ever get going. They were playing like garbage up to that point. Of course, Eli’s INT in the end zone was horrible and also gave New England momentum. The problem wasn’t so much the pick, but it was the delay of game beforehand. It seems like half the time the Giants get on the goal line, they get a silly penalty to turn a sure score into a much harder proposition. Whenever they have their opponents on the ropes, they let up just a little bit and let them back in the game. So far it hasn’t hurt them much, but you’re not going to go far in the playoffs that way.

Overall, an awesome win and a great way to start the “hard” part of the schedule.  Luckily, nobody was injured and the team’s only going to get healthier. Brandon Jacobs can finally be a viable part of the offense and give the Giants a much needed extra dimension, and obviously Eli proved that he can win a game anywhere, anytime. Funny that it was Tom Brady who was whining and throwing stuff on the sidelines and Eli flawlessly leading his team to victory. The only way it would have been better was if David Tyree was involved.

WEEK 9 Picks: Stay In Your Lane

Posted: November 5, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL
0


Last week was weird. A lot of games could have gone either way or were skewed by a plethora of defensive and special teams touchdowns. On top of that, the lines are getting better as we know which teams are good and which teams are the Browns. If you guessed right, you may have had a decent week. If you were Keith Stone, you went 3-9. If anybody did great last week, they’re an idiot who had a lucky week. These things have a tendency to straighten themselves out.

If you were doing well before the ridiculousness of WEEK 8, keep doing the same thing. Don’t change your thinking because of one fluky week where certain teams didn’t bother to show up. If you have lucky underwear, keep wearing them. For me, I blame my horrible week on the fact that I let a chick make one of my picks. Sometimes when you get too cocky, you anger the gambling gods. Just remember Judge Karen’s advice.

FALCONS (-6.5) AT COLTS
Stone: Falcons

Slumdeezy: Falcons
Somehow I think the Colts will get a win this season, with or without a return of the better Manning.  BUT I’m tired of wasting picks on them every week for the unlikely bragging rights for when that lightning does strike.

Rory: Falcons
I’m picking against the Colts until they cover a spread.  And even then, I’ll still probably pick against them.

DP Animal: Falcons

Phanatic: Falcons

BUCCANEERS AT SAINTS (-8.5)
Stone: Buccaneers
That spread is bigger than Gabourey Sidibe doing a split.

Slumdeezy: Saints

Rory: Buccaneers
Don’t feel good about this at all.

DP Animal: Buccaneers
While it’s probable that last week’s loss to the Rams was just one of those fluky things that happens in the NFL from time to time, I don’t know that I trust the Saints with that big of a spread, especially since Tampa beat them all of three weeks ago.

Phanatic: Saints
Will get out their frustrations from last week.

(more…)

WEEK 74 – With the Fishes

Posted: November 1, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 Giants, football, Giants, NFL
0

Giants 20, Dolphins 17

I can’t remember another season where the Giants had this many close games. On the one hand, I’m glad that they’re pulling most of them out. On the other hand, these aren’t teams that should be keeping it close. What happens when they play the Patriots next week?

Eli Manning continued his stellar season. He was the only one on the offense that seemed to be able to do anything.Bradshaw and Nicks’s injuries worry me, but they seem minor. Even more worrisome might be Brandon Jacobs. Even though he’s banged up too, I think it’s mostly mental. The booing doesn’t help either, people!The Giants play best when the running game is strong and Bradshaw and Jacobs both do their thing. This season isn’t going anywhere if they don’t get their act together.

Normally, it’s a sound strategy to keep running the ball but especially when Bradshaw was in the locker room, they weren’t getting anything. Eli was hot all day. Why not let him air it out in that situation? Victor Cruz once again proved that he’s going to be a valuable contributor to this team and his game-winning TD was phenomenal. The kid is hot like salsa.

The return of Justin Tuck didn’t do as much as I thought it would. When Matt Moore is running on you like he’s the second coming of Barry Sanders, it’s not a good thing. They did manage to pull it together at the end and hopefully the momentum will carry over into next week. I just hope Tuck isn’t half-strength for the rest of the year.

WEEK 8 Picks: Going To the Chapel

Posted: October 30, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL
0


ONTO THE PICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COLTS AT TITANS (-8.5)
Stone: Colts

Slumdeezy: Titans

Rory: Titans
I’m not feeling good about my picks this week.  Fair warning.

DP Animal: Titans
Yes, Tennessee has been bad this year, but I can’t take Curtis Painter on the road, even with that many points.

Phanatic: Titans

JAGUARS AT TEXANS (-9.5)
Stone: Jaguars
It’s going to be closer than a lot of people think.

Slumdeezy: Texans

Rory: Jaguars

DP Animal: Texans

Phanatic: Jaguars

(more…)

WEEK 73 – BYE Week Boogie Down

Posted: October 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 Giants, football, Giants, NFL, power rankings
0


VH1 just released its list of the Greatest Songs of the 00’s and the Giants had their BYE this week, so I got to watch more football games than I normally do. You know what that means! NFL Power Rankings to the sounds of the 00’s. I have just one complaint. How can the majesty of the Thong Song be ranked #100? It influenced millions of chicks to wear sexier panties. In my book, that’s all that matters. Plus a great cameo by Sisqo’s daughter in the video. Onto the top 10…

10. New York Jets (4-3)


The Jets are going to be in every game they play, just like In Da Club is great for almost any occasion from getting freaky with your lady at the club to a bar mitzvah. It looked like the J-E-T-S were going to collapse in controversy, but everyone forgets that the team thrives on it. As long as the Jets remember that its strength is defense and not the passing game, they’ll be fine. I could see Gang Green doing everything from winning the AFC East to going 7-9, but let’s pencil them in for a Wild Card. Sanchez remains their greatest weakness and he’ll never be anything more than a mediocre QB. If they had anyone better, they could be a legit Super Bowl threat. Plax’s three TD’s against the Chargers were great. Hopefully, he doesn’t shoot himself in da club.

9. Dallas Cowboys (3-3)


Tony Romo’s favorite singer serenades them at #9. It’s been a wild year for the Romosexual, snatching victories from the jaws of defeat and vice versa. This team could easily be undefeated. Dez Bryant’s lingering quad injury hasn’t helped but DeMarco Murray looks more than capable at filling in at running back. With the NFC East looking not as strong as everyone envisioned (*cough* Dream Team *cough*), the Cowboys could win the division even if Romo gives a few more games away.

(more…)

Older Entries
Newer Entries