Archive for the ‘NFL’ Category

Getting A Fix

Posted: July 27, 2011 by Dinner Party Animal in football, NFL
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Let’s not kid ourselves, pro sports are basically legally sanctioned drugs that don’t require a needle (unless you’re a Bills fan).  An iron-clad rule in drug dealing (not that I know anything about that world) is that you never let the addict hit rock bottom.  Once someone bottoms out, they stand a chance of getting clean, and as a dealer that’s not good business.  Sure, you can hold out on them for a little while, especially if they don’t have your cash, but eventually you’ve got to hand over the goods.

That hit home with the NFL this week.  For years, they’ve been the guy with the real primo shit, and the lockout was their way of letting all us addicts know just how much we need them.  I mean, the internet and sports radio went batshit loco at the very thought that players might be changing teams, and here we are in late July.  Fuck the baseball trade deadline, people are far more interested in where Matt Leinart will troll for nightclub snatch this fall.

I know firsthand how a league can overplay their hand.  Years ago, I was a dedicated NBA fan.  I’d do the kinds of things that a guy without a girlfriend will actively brag about, like stay up all night to listen to my team play the LA Clippers in Japan on a pirated internet stream at 5 am.  I even bought a basketball jersey, which is the worst fashion choice a male can make that doesn’t involve the word “Tapout.” Suffice it to say, I was hooked.

Then my team moved to an overgrown cattle ranch in the middle of America’s taint, and now I spend more time watching soccer (SOCCER!) than following the NBA.  I hit rock bottom, and realized that I’d rather not give my money to a league that treats me like I just passed over a fake $10 bill.

So it’s with that in mind that I was confident that the NFL would never actually test the limits of what fans would endure.  It’s easy to say now that the NFL is an unstoppable juggernaut, by far the most popular sport in America. It’s easy because it’s true, but just because it’s true in 2011 doesn’t mean it has to be true forever.  It wasn’t true 40, 30, or even 20 years ago, and it might not be true in 10 years time either.

Sure, it seemed unlikely that the players and owners would leave $9 billion on the table, but considering what’s going on in DC right now, assuming the rich and powerful have a modicum of common sense is a loser’s bet.  Still, they know the pusher’s ethos, and they pushed us just far enough to remind us that as much as we hate them, we need them way too much to get clean.  Because shit, who the fuck wants to do something other than watch football on a November Sunday?

FOOTBALL IS BACK!!!!

Posted: July 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, NFL, NFL lockout
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The player representatives of the 32 teams have unanimously approved the new NFL collective bargaining agreement, along with the owners themselves except for Al Davis (because he’s dead). That means it’s time to get back on the gridiron! Giants-Redskins is 48 days away. The first order of business is to re-sign Ahmad Bradshaw and make sure Osi Umenyiora is happy. Should be interesting but the really good news is that we’re going to see football this fall. AND THE TWINS!

Kerry Collins, Superstar

Posted: July 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Kerry Collins, NFL
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I’ll always remember the 2000 NFC Championship Game. I was sitting in the same row as Andy Rooney at the old Giants Stadium and the Giants scored twice before the Vikings even had the ball en route to a 41-0 victory. The game was a microcosm of Kerry Collins’s career. Although he shredded the Vikes for 381 yards and an NFL Playoff-record five touchdowns, he was overshadowed by the sheer magnitude of the blowout.

In Carolina and New Orleans, his accomplishments were tainted by charges of alcoholism and racism. When he resurrected his career with the Giants, he was under-appreciated despite giving the team a steady hand at the QB position that it had been missing for many years. He usually wasn’t the best player on field, but he always came to play. After a disappointing 4-12 season in 2003, he was discarded in preference of Eli Manning and went to Oakland where it looked like his time was over.

But you could never count Kerry Collins out. He resurfaced as Vince Young’s apprentice in Tennessee and took over for an injured Young in 2008. All he did was lead the Titans to a 13-3 record, the best in the NFL. Kerry Collins isn’t going into the Hall of Fame, but he threw for over 40,000 yards and that’s no small feat. It’s more than Steve Young has. I’ll remember Kerry for his quiet consistency and neverending resiliency. He was a damn good football player even if he never got his due and I’ll never forget the five touchdown passes he threw on that field of painted mud.

Roy Williams Is a Hopeless Romantic

Posted: July 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in Cowgirls, football, NFL, romance, Roy Williams
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Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Roy Williams fulfilled every chick’s fantasy with his girlfriend, Brooke Daniels, a former Miss Texas USA, by giving her a $76,000 engagement ring and a unique marriage proposal. He sent the ring and a taped message asking for her hand in marriage in an overnight package. Wouldn’t expect anything less classy coming from a Cowboy. How did a loser like Roy Williams end up with a beauty queen anyway? He caught like 12 passes last year.

Shockingly, Miss Texas rejected his proposal and Williams told her to keep the ring; he knew she’d come crawling back. Another bold move. When she was like, “Uhhhhhhh OK, thanks,” the WR decided he actually did want the ring. She said she lost it so he sued her but luckily the ring was found in her father’s care. And that, my friends, is the story of the lamest marriage proposal ever. Can we end the lockout please and concentrate on actual football stories now?

ESPN

Football Cops!

Posted: June 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in crime and punishment, Eli, football, NFL, NFL lockout
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Peyton: “Guess nobody told him that justice was a team sport.”
Eli: “What does that mean?”

Eli and Peyton Manning took their newfound extra time from the NFL Lockout and put it into a worthy cause: Football Cops, a new TV show on DirecTV. Peyton stars as Mike Tahoe, an orphan who turned his back on a pro football career to be a cop. Eli stars as his biggest rival and fellow orphan, C.J. Hunter, who is the only man brave enough to sweep up crime on the city streets using nothing more than a football. Archie Manning guest-stars as defense attorney and Football Cop nemesis Orlando Midnight.

If this is real, it is going to be awesome and I will probably change my service to DirecTV. Or hopefully it will be on NBC six months later. I would have liked to see more cameos. How about Mike Vick as the bad guy and Ray Lewis as an informant? I WOULD WATCH THIS. The trailer was already better than the entire first season of The Killing. Maybe the lockout isn’t going to be so bad after all.

Pay Osi

Posted: June 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Giants, NFL, Osi Umenyiora
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Osi Umenyiora has had a contentious tenure with the Giants. It hit a new apex this week when a heated affidavit was released as part of the NFL players’ lawsuit against the owners. In the statement, Osi says that in 2008 he was promised a renegotiated contract or trade prior to the 2010 season by Giants GM Jerry Reese contingent on playing at a continued high level.

Osi sounds angry and bitter but this has also been blown out of proportion by the press. Osi tore his meniscus in the 2008 preseason and struggled in 2009 while feuding with the coaching staff. Presumably, he didn’t deserve a new contract especially with the injury concerns. However, Osi had a great 2010, leading the team in sacks and posting a NFL-record 10 forced fumbles despite a torn labrum. Osi may have a beef with playing time or the depth chart, but the Giants always have a glut of defensive ends. He had to deal with the same problem in 2007 when the team won the Super Bowl and he made the Pro Bowl, except now he’s finally getting back into form.

Osi still probably isn’t too happy about his salary. He is underpaid.  He had a major role in winning the Super Bowl and the Giants owe him for that. His teammate, Eli Manning, is one of the highest-paid players in the league. At the same time, perhaps this is less against the Giants and more in helping the players in the lockout. Despite his unhappiness, Osi has played hard the last two seasons. Losing him would be a huge blow to the defensive line and the entire defense. Osi is a beast. He doesn’t hit quarterbacks; he crushes them. From a strictly on-the-field standpoint, the Giants should give Osi a raise, not only to keep him in blue but to keep him happy. They can’t afford not to.

Plus, he always rolls with the ladies.

NY Daily News

Freed Plaxico

Posted: June 6, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, NFL, PLAXICOOOOOO!!!!!!!
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Super Bowl XLII hero Plaxico Burress was released from prison today after spending nearly two years locked up for shooting himself in the leg. Here’s hoping he enjoys the time with his family and will be back on the field torching DB’s soon. We’ll always have Glendale.

Tom Brady Enjoys Waterslide

Posted: May 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, football, NFL, Tom Brady
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Wow. Even if Eli Manning won three Super Bowls, I don’t think I could take him seriously if a picture like this came out. I think it’s just a matter of Brady being too famous for his own good and thinking he can do anything without looking like an idiot. It started with the hair. Now this. Pretty soon, he’s going to be wearing a pink tutu on the sidelines. I don’t see how anyone in Boston can defend this. At least he was with Gisele, but I still think he’d have be better off going down the slide like a man and chilling with Rosie O’Donnell than looking like a 12-year-old girl with Gisele.

Dlisted

Giants WR Victor Cruz On Mom’s Health Insurance

Posted: May 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Giants, NFL, NFL lockout, Victor Cruz
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The NFL lockout has affected players in many ways you wouldn’t think about, such as the loss of health insurance. Wide receiver Victor Cruz, the MVP of the Giants’ preseason win over the Jets last year and hopeful contributor to this year’s team, found an easy solution to that problem. The 24-year-old was eligible to go on his mom’s health insurance plan and that’s exactly what he did. While many players are taking a risk in participating in lockout practices with their teammates, Cruz is fully covered.

When I finished college, I was on my parents’ insurance for a bit. I wasn’t, however, an NFL player scoring three touchdowns in a game and putting my body on the line. Cruz has a lot of potential and is coming off a season spent on injured reserve with a hamstring injury. It’s guys like him that have the most to lose in the lockout. The owners need to realize that for every Peyton Manning there’s 10 Victor Cruz’s whose livelihoods and futures are being affected. They’re the ones that really deserve the money, not the owners.

NY Daily News

Coach Eli

Posted: May 6, 2011 by Keith Stone in Eli, football, Giants, Hoboken, NFL, NFL lockout
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Barred from working out at the team’s training facility until the NFL lockout is over, several Giants players led by Eli Manning have been practicing at Hoboken High School this week. The sessions are focused on passing so Eli and his receivers can remain acclimated with each other and stay in football shape. Kevin Boss, Hakeem Nicks, and Mario Manningham have been among the receivers at practice, while David Diehl was there for moral support. Imagine being in class, looking out the window, and seeing a Super Bowl MVP in action. Fucking awesome. Although with Eli in charge, there’s no knowing if kill the carrier or capture the flag will eventually become part of the daily routine. I just hope nobody pees on the street or they may miss the beginning of the season doing community service.

Daily News

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