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I got complaints from our Southern readers that we haven’t had any WCW wrestling videos. Well, we’re going to fix that in a big way. Reader Peter S. from Charlotte suggested this doozy. He writes, “Everyone knows that Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts and Sting used to love hanging out at gay leather bars, but in the days leading up to Halloween Havoc ’92, their sick games got even more intense.” Couldn’t have said it better myself. Take it away, JR.
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I felt badly about not knowing how to spell Lanny/Lannie Barby’s name last week so I wanted to make it up to her. Lanny/Lannie has amazing piercing eyes. Lovely. Wait a minute. What am I saying? Look at that ass. Decide how to spell your name, honey. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
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The Oscars were horrible. James Franco and Anne Hathaway were a train wreck and more importantly, a dull train wreck. Plus, I didn’t see The King’s Speech. I don’t like watching British people unless a white rapper or hot teenagers are involved. So I decided to hand out my own awards. Without futher ado, The Rainys.
Best Picture: Get Him To The Greek
This movie had everything: boobs, drugs, Russell Brand. Oscar voters love honoring movies that have people with disabilities or accents, so I’m not sure how Get Him To The Greek was overlooked. Any movie that has this much partying and decadence needs to win an award. The scene at The Today Show is a classic that will never be replicated in the history of film and Paul Krugman’s cameo is a tour de force. Plus, Rose Byrne is hot and sings about taking it in the ass.
Worst Picture: Sex and The City 2
Best Actor: The Rock, Faster
The Rock only had about six lines in this movie but they were all great. The way he wears an expression on his face tells the whole story anyway. I haven’t seen anybody pull off a robotic killing machine character like this since Arnold.
Worst Actor: Christina Aguilera, Burlesque
Best Actress: Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit [tie]
She played an overmatched teenager and held her own with some of the best in the industry. Very believable and passionate as a young girl who overcomes the odds to avenge the death of her father.
Stoya, True Clit [tie]
She played an overmatched teenager and held her own with some of the best in the industry. Very believable and passionate as a young girl who overcums the odds to avenge the death of her father.
Worst Actress: Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and The City 2
Best Supporting Actor: Charlie Sheen, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Reprising his role as Bud Fox, Sheen plays a rich, womanizing addict with two girlfriends. A real stretch of the imagination.
Worst Supporting Actor: Chris Noth, Sex and The City 2
Best Supporting Actress: Jesse Jane, True Clit
Jane plays Rooster Cockburn, a sexy bounty hunter with a secret. There’s no way Stoya can carry this movie by herself but Jane helps her all the way to the climactic end.
Worst Supporting Actress: Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Sex and The City 2 [tie]
Best Sound Mixing: Inception
It was a dream within a dream within a dream.
Worst Sound Mixing: Sex and The City 2
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At least things were good for one king last night as The King’s Speech won the Oscar for Best Picture. This week’s trivia is a test of memory. Since nobody seems to want to answer these majestic questions, there will be no longer be prizes, simply the honor of being as smart as me. Better not cheat and use Google. Last week’s answer was 60 points — the Knicks single-game points record is 60 points by Bernard King. Here is this week’s question. The answer is after the jump.
What film won the Best Picture Oscar in 2010?
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The Knicks may be less talented than the Heat but last night proved that they have the guys that are willing to step up and make big plays. Wade and Bosh disappeared, Melo accepted the responsibility of guarding Queen James, and Mr. Big Shot lived up to his name and made some great defensive plays. Finally, it was Amar’e who shoved the ball back in the Queen’s face in the final seconds. The Heat were scared to fail; the Knicks weren’t. Simple as that.
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Charlie Sheen boldly text messaged from the Bahamas that he is in negotiations with HBO for his own half-hour show cleverly titled Sheen’s Corner. It appears to be some sort of talk show. This comes after production on Two and a Half Men was shut down for the remainder of the season. Sheen’s deal with HBO will reportedly be in the neighborhood of $5 million an episode for 10 episodes. That does not sound like a good idea at all. Sheen texted, “It will be epic, all types of guests, and we will focus on the truth and the absurd!”
I don’t have HBO but you better believe I’ll be getting it for Sheen’s Corner. Can you imagine? “Good night folks. Coming up on our next show, my brother Emilio Estevez joins us to convince me to go to rehab. I will also be joined by porn star Lanny Barby, who I’m about to smoke crack with backstage. Plus the musical stylings of Michael Buble. Stay tuned!” Still can’t be more of a train wreck than The Magic Hour.
[Editor’s note: I just Googled Lanny Barby to get a correct spelling — yes, I’m a dork — and although her official website is lanniebarbie.com, the site has her name spelled Lanny, which is what Wikipedia has. Can we get a judge’s ruling?]
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Melo who? Newsday is reporting that after Jared Jeffries is bought out by the Rockets, he’s coming home back to the Knicks. The Suite got an early hold of the tribute video that will be used in his return.
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During 30 Rock tonight, they showed a sick commercial. I swear I would have bought anything it told me to. Until the last few seconds.
Do those Scientologists know how to put together a commercial or what? Where can I get my free stress test?
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Daniel Tosh exposed the 2003 movie Tiptoes on Tosh.0 this week. I guess the movie didn’t get much pub because, um, it’s about a family of dwarfs, and in the role of a lifetime, Gary Oldman plays one of them although he still seems to have normal length arms. Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale co-star. The trailer is marvelous.
Rainman Suite 