It’s the Rematch of the Century. Giants vs. Patriots in Super Bowl XLVI. Before we whoop on those pathetic Bostonians once again, let’s look back and remember the first affair. Who could forget the Helmet Catch and Plaxico cradling the Title-winning pass in the end zone? Ahhhhhhhhh, memories. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and Michael Strahan won’t sit on you. The answer, as always, is after the jump.
Which player scored the first touchdown in Super Bowl XLII? (and a hint: it was not Jeff Feagles)
Looks like being a cop doesn’t pay the way it used to. New York City cop Monty Green has been charged with pimping out women by the NYPD after his name surfaced in connection with illegal activity. While prosecutors don’t have enough evidence to charge him of any crimes because his hookers are too scared to speak (he must be a good pimp), he is scheduled to meet with the police on February 14th to discuss the charges and whether or not he should hold onto his badge. The NYPD is really screwing with him by meeting on Valentine’s Day. It has to be his busiest day of the year.
Gotta give Monty credit for trying to eek out a living during the recession. If I had any money, I’d sign him for a TV holding deal right now. Don’t you think his story is the one thing that can bring NBC out of last place? I can see it now. Samuel L. Jackson will star as Pimp Cop with Kevin Hart as his best friend and assistant pimp and Meagan Good as a ho with a heart of gold. “Pimp Cop coming this fall on NBC Thursday after The Office.” Ratings!!!! Either that, or I’m sure some lame cable channel like A&E or Bravo can have him star in a reality show.
Christie Carr is like any other pet owner. She loves her Irwin, takes care of him, and makes sure he’s kept warm and fashionable. There’s only one problem. Irwin is a partially-paralyzed kangaroo and Carr lives in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, not Australia. Carr claims that Irwin helps with her depression and is upset that local officials are harassing her about filling out the proper paperwork to keep Irwin in captivity. So naturally she’s moving two hours away to her parents’ house because she doesn’t want to fill out a few forms. As if having your daughter moving back in isn’t bad enough, I’m sure her parents are thrilled about the pet kangaroo chilling around their house too. And yes, Irwin gets dressed up every time he goes out. Why wouldn’t he? It’s not like he’s a wild animal or anything. If pet owners that dress their animals up are obnoxious, this one takes the cake.
As if the bullies of the world didn’t learn from Kid Zangief, here’s Kid Ryu to teach them another lesson. Again, sometimes parents sign their skinny, dorky kids up for karate for exactly this reason. Or maybe he just had a George McFly moment. Either way, kids, don’t call anyone on the playground a “faggot” or you might end up with a roundhouse kick to the face.
My mistake, that’s Steven Tyler. The Aerosmith frontman and Boston native had a little trouble with the words and general tone of the Star-Spangled Banner before Sunday’s Ravens-Patriots game for the AFC Title. Tyler was later seen enjoying the game with Pats owner Robert Kraft and celebrating the win on the podium as the Lamar Hunt Trophy was being presented. At least he was a more logical choice than the time Zooey Deschanel sang the anthem before the World Series. Hey, did any of you guys hear that there was a special American Idol on after the NFC Championship Game? Gotta love that cross-promotion.
Meredith Graves is a sweet southern belle from Tennessee who came up to New York to have fun in the big city in December. She probably saw all the sights: Rockefeller Center, Central Park, the Empire State Building. But when she went to Ground Zero, she made made a small mistake. She tried to check her loaded gun at the security checkpoint. It was licensed in Tennessee but out-of-state licenses are invalid in New York. She now faces three years in prison. That’s when her local Congressman Frank Niceley stepped in. Niceley proposed a resolution asking New York to use “common sense” in their case against Graves and then added that if they didn’t, New Yorkers better “pay extra attention to our speed limits” when driving through Tennessee.
Sorry we’re all a little skittish about loaded weapons at Ground Zero. It’s only one of the most polarizing places in the entire world and terrorists would love to hit it again. I’m sure in Tennessee Meredith Graves goes to the shooting range during her lunch breaks, so it’s convenient to carry her gun in her purse, but we don’t need a Homeland situation happening because we let cute chicks carry guns anywhere they want. This isn’t the South. Don’t walk in secluded areas late at night and you’ll be all right.
Then, there’s the blackmail thing with the speeding tickets. First of all, are there really that many New Yorkers driving around in Tennessee? It’s a little out of the way. Secondly, if Bloomberg locked away a Super Bowl hero in Plaxico Burress for violating a gun law, do you think he’s really going to have any mercy on some random out-of-state dumbass? I think we’ve been through enough with Ground Zero. Threatening to give out speeding tickets because of this situation is an insult to all New Yorkers.
Frank, baby, I’m sure you didn’t realize how mad you were going to make all of us. The World Trade Center attacks may have taken place 10 years ago but the scars are still fresh. You may have meant the threat as a joke to get some attention, but it’s not funny. Meredith Graves didn’t know the law and although she should have done a little research before coming up here, she probably won’t spend three years in jail. Try to be a little more sensitive. Y’all don’t come back now, ya hear? Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.
It was the same end of the field that Matt Bryant prepared to make a kick to keep the Giants’ Title hopes alive in 2002.
As Lawrence Tynes lined up for the field goal to send the Giants to the Super Bowl, I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. When the snap was low, it seemed to be happening all over again. But then, Steve Weatherford was able to get the ball down, Tynes booted the ball right down the pipes, and the Giants had exorcised the demons and were heading to Indianapolis.
Looking back, it was a great game. Old-school defensive struggles are the best. I said earlier that one of the keys of the game would be to hold onto the ball. The Giants did. The 49ers did not. I’m not going to pretend that the Giants didn’t luck out, but then again I’d rather be lucky than good. Kyle Williams has to get away from the ball when it’s bouncing on the ground. That was a horrible play. It shouldn’t have happened. The 49ers had all the momentum at that point, but the Giants cashed in when it mattered. If that second fumble doesn’t happen, I’m not so sure the game doesn’t go into double overtime the way both defenses were playing. Those are the breaks.
There were a lot of heroes, which is how Championship teams play. Eli took a complete pounding. It looked like he was hit by a bus driven by an elephant. He deserves all the credit in the world for standing in there and making smart decisions. Sure, the Niners botched a couple of potential interceptions and fumbled once but he was being hit HARD. Victor Cruz was spectacular also. He made so many great catches in big spots. Him and Nicks are going to kill teams no matter what. Then there’s Mario Manningham who only had one catch but it was spectacular and redemption for when he dropped the game-tying touchdown the last time in San Fran. Devin Thomas recognizing that first fumble and picking up the ball was huge, not to mention his second fumble recovery. Jacquian Williams forcing that second fumble was a great hustle play. Finally, Steve Weatherford getting that snap down may have been the biggest play of the game.
And so Weatherford did get the ball down and the Patriots are next. Some people might say that history is repeating itself. The Giants have gone through an NFC South team, then the #1 seed, then an underrated yet dangerous #2 seed, and now the Pats. They won the NFC in overtime on the road both times. The beat the Packers both times. Heck, the games have been played at the same times. But simply believing that history is going to repeat itself isn’t enough to win the Lombardi Trophy. Lawrence Tynes proved that history can change and Trey Junkin can sleep easy.
The Giants just don’t have to worry about the 49ers’ fearsome defense and a hostile San Francisco crowd, the rain and wind may conspire against the Giants’ hot passing game. To help them weather the elements, here are five ways to keep their playoff run going all the way to Indianapolis.
1. Break them – The 49ers have the uncanny ability to stop opponents in the middle of long drives. They bend but don’t break. It’s great to drive the ball 55 yards for a field goal, but the Giants can’t let San Fran break their momentum when things are moving. Those extra four points can go a long way to win the game or get a little breathing room and put more pressure on the 49ers’ offense. Converting on third and fourth downs in San Francisco territory is going to be paramount to the Giants’ success.
2. Hold onto the ball – The Saints had five turnovers in their loss to the Niners last week. That probably won’t happen again but San Fran hits hard so it’s important that everybody that carries the ball protects it, even at the expense of a few extra yards. The 49ers’ secondary also does a good job of disguising itself. Eli threw two INT’s in WEEK 10. He has to be more careful this time. With sloppy conditions, the game has the potential to be a low-scoring affair and a defensive score could be the difference. If this turns into a field-position battle, you don’t want to give the other team the opportunity for any easy touchdowns.
3. Don’t forget Gore – The Hydra put pressure on Aaron Rodgers all game last week. Getting in Alex Smith’s face is going to be key to beating the 49ers and trying to force turnovers. However, the defensive line has to remember about Frank Gore. They did a fantastic job against a star runner in Michael Turner in the Wild Card Round and kept Gore under wraps earlier in the season. That has to continue, especially since it’s going to be hard to throw the ball. Sometimes when Giants’ pass rush is at its finest, they over-pursue and let runners pick up big chunks of yards. Taking away the passing game means nothing if Gore is allowed to run amok. Kendall Hunter is dangerous too. He averaged more than six yards per carry when these teams met before.
4. Be patient – This is the best defense the Giants have faced in a while. The offense has been playing great but if the weather and the Niners have the unit stuck in mud (literally and figuratively), the Giants can’t abandon a mixed pass/run gameplan or take unnecessary risks. With the big play potential of Nicks and Cruz, as well as the punishing running of Bradshaw and Jacobs, the Giants should eventually break through. Like the Falcons game, if the Giants are facing a deficit and their offense is stagnant, good things will eventually come if they remain consistent.
5. Talk is cheap, play the game – It’s Coach Coughlin’s mantra and words to live by. The Giants are confident and playing great but none of that matters if they don’t take care of business on the field. They don’t appear overconfident but it’s always a possibility when you beat the best team in the league and everyone is picking you to make the Super Bowl. The 49ers are for real. They beat some good teams this year and have the ability to beat the Giants again. The teams both did a little talking over the week that was exaggerated by the media, but for sure this game is going to be decided between the lines. Everything that happened in the past is just that. You can’t be distracted by words or the weather. You have to go out there and do it.
Now that Heidi Klum has said auf Wiedersehen to Seal, maybe she’ll come to party in The Suite. She has the looks, but I don’t know about the kids. At least she has money. Heidi made $20 million last year, according to Forbes. I’d babysit a couple of poop machines for that. Heidi wasn’t the highest-grossing model in 2011, though. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and Seal will serenade you. He probably needs something to do. The answer, as always, is after the jump.
Who was the highest-earning model of 2011? (and a hint: it was not Janice Dickinson)
There’s no time to fool around anymore. The stakes are too high. A trip to Super Bowl XLVI is on the line now. One bounce, one slip, one drop, one fumble, and your entire season is done. All four teams left have something to prove. The Patriots and Giants are out to show that the glory days of the past aren’t done, while the Ravens and Niners want the entire world to know that they’re for real. All four teams are truly great. Some have been more consistent than others. Some have had harder schedules. Some have battled injuries. None of that matters now. It’s 60 minutes for the right to play for the World Title. It’s all will and determination. Whoever wants it more is going to get it. Pick time.
RAVENS AT PATRIOTS (-6.5) Stone’s Take: Despite their utter domination of the Broncos last week, I still can’t put my finger on the Pats. While all signs would point to a blowout, I can’t shake the fact that they played so poorly at the beginning of games towards the end of the season. The Broncos were happy to make it to the second round, but the Ravens have been here before and aren’t satisfied. Sure, they looked awful against Houston but they grinded out the win and that does count for something. However, I just can’t see the Ravens’ defense shutting down the Patriots or Joe Flacco putting up a ton of points. If Ray Rice can get a long touchdown run, they might have a chance, but New England just looks really focused right now. Prediction: Patriots 28, Ravens 24
Rory’s Take: It’s happening people. It’s happening! Giants-Pats. Eli-Brady. Yankees-Red Sox. Clam Chowder-Clam Chowda. I’m not sure I can handle this. Oh yeah, there’s games to play this weekend. Whatever.Prediction: Patriots 38, Ravens 20
GIANTS AT 49ERS (-2.5) Stone’s Take: Under perfect conditions, you’d have to take the Giants in this game. The 49ers may have beaten them in the regular season, but that was a depleted Giants team that was a Mario Manningham drop away from forcing overtime. There’s only one problem. There’s a 95% chance of rain. If the Giants can’t get their passing game going, it could be trouble because the Niners’ rush defense is so tough. Unlike other playoff newbies that might be happy with a big win like their game against the Saints last week, I think San Fran has their eyes on the big prize. Harbaugh isn’t going to let them forget about it. With that said, the Giants are finally healthy and confident and are as explosive as anyone out there. If Alex Smith can pass on the Hydra, then he deserves to be in the Super Bowl. But if Aaron Rodgers couldn’t, why should Alex Smith? Prediction: Giants 28, 49ers 10
Rory’s Take:
Prediction: Giants 27, 49ers 21
PLAYOFF RECORDS Stone: 5-3 (Last week: 2-2)
Rory: 5-3 (2-2)
Rainman Suite 