The Challenge: Rivals Finale Predictions

Posted: August 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, psychic abilities, The Challenge
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It’s finally time to find out who’s gonna win this bitch. Three teams are left for the guys, three teams are left for the chicks. The Finals have already begun but there’s still a long way to go. A long, long way to go. Let’s handicap the remaining teams, shall we?

Guys

Johnny Bananas & Tyler (3 to 2)
Johnny and Tyler have established a bit of a lead through the canoeing portion of the Finals. They’re also the team with the best chemistry, something that shouldn’t be overrated. There’s no greater motivation when undertaking an extreme physical activity than when you’re doing it for a friend. However, Tyler is competing against doctor’s wishes after getting sick and both guys must be worn out after the brutal beating they received at the hands of CT in the final Jungle. Not what you want when you’re about to climb a mountain.

Kenny & Wes (4 to 1)
This team is collectively the most physically fit but something has been missing all season. They obviously didn’t work out their hatred for one another during the taping of their 7-11 commercials. Kenny has been performing below average and Wes has done nothing but take passive aggressive shots at him. I’m also worried about Wes’s endurance. It’s been a problem in the past. These two geniuses might have trouble solving puzzles along the way as well, considering they didn’t even get in their canoe the right way.

Mike Mike & Roy Lee (25 to 1)
Poor Roy Lee. His first partner got kicked off the show almost before the cameras started rolling and now he has to climb a mountain with the willing-yet-unable Mike Mike. I like these guys. I really do, but I think the question isn’t if they will win but if they will finish within an hour of the winners. That’s the only reason they made the Finals in the first place. Nobody thought they were much of a threat so they kept moving on. We’ll have to see if that strategy works.

Sluts

Cara Maria & Laurel (3 to 1)
Laurel is such a dominating figure on the women’s side. I have no doubt she will do great in the Finals, but how will Cara Maria do without her Abram pillow? I’m also worried how this team will do if it really does come down to the wire. Laurel is a competitive freak and Cara Maria constantly needs somebody to give her support. Not a good match.

Evelyn & Paula Walnuts (6 to 1)
After eight Challenges, maybe Paula finally has the hang of this thing. Her and Ev started out the Finals surprisingly well but you know there’s that big mountain waiting for them. Paula is supposedly a good runner but she’s just so damn unlucky. Then again, she has extra motivation to end the streak and show up Laurel for all the shit-talking she did in Buenos Aires.

Jenn with 2 n’s & Mandi (69 to 1)
They couldn’t even steer the canoe in a straight line. We’ll be lucky if they cross the finish line before end of the show. T.J. may just leave them in Patagonia.

Tomorrow night after the finale be on the lookout for a running diary of what is shaping up to be an awesome finish to Rivals.

Classic Video of the Week: Haka Dance

Posted: August 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, The Challenge, videos
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This is what Challenge Week is all about. For the Duel II intro, the competitors performed the Haka dance for the opening credits, which is indigenous to New Zealand where the show was being held. The result is an intense, hilarious display highlighted by Evan’s strong opening and Nick’s Jordan-esque tongue. Less than a day later, they were all goofing off in footy pajamas when CT punched his future partner Adam in the face in one of the greatest moments in Challenge history. Luckily they eventually reconciled and became friends.

EARTHQUAKE!

Posted: August 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in Earthquake of 2011, New York
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Of course there was an earthquake during Challenge Week. CT was down in Mineral, Virginia and punched a mountain after somebody gave him a dirty look. I was at JFK dropping off my little sister during the whole thing, which may have been the worst place in the world to be. Nobody had any idea what was going on. We were waiting on line and debating whether to evacuate or keep our place on line.

Of course, being in an airport no one had any idea what was going on. A few monitors and speakers shook and the ground moved a little. Looking back, you would almost think that there should some sort of sound or announcement that an earthquake is occurring, like a giant rumble. Natural disasters should not be silent.

Hearing the news reports, nothing much happened except in Philly. Facebook is about to explode. Half the posts are “I didn’t feel anything” while the other half are “My chair shook for six seconds and my office got evacuated.” I’ve never seen so much made of so little. At the same time, it’s scary to feel so helpless. We had no idea what was happening or what to do. You think that in a moment like that you’re going to spring into action and take charge but when it actually goes down, you freeze and wait for somebody to tell you what to do. At least we can all say we’ve been in an earthquake.

Why The Challenge Goes Beyond the TV

Posted: August 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, The Challenge
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Joshy Bananas took some time out from playing flip cup with his bros to throw in his two cents as to what makes The Challenge so special:

 The Challenge is great. No denying that. But is it greater than any other epic reality show?

Yes, because as any true Challenge fan will tell you, The Challenge can be used as a litmus test to determine who can become a friend of yours in the real world (not reality, but the real world—and not The Real World, but the real world).

Whenever I meet a new person, if we ever happen to discuss The Challenge and we both mention our epic fandom, an instant kinship is formed. This is because if a person likes this show, they also like: fun, insanity, competition, fratiness, chillness.

That’s chill in my book, broooooo.

Basically, if you know that CT is the best athlete known to man, we can be friends. Siiiiiiiick!

Evelyn Smith: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum

Posted: August 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, Evelyn Smith, The Challenge
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Evelyn likes to keep it under the Challenge radar, but she’s got a wild side that comes out when you least expect it. The girl can’t help it that she’s too focused on winning to get drunk and hook up. Plus, she already made out with half the chicks on the show already. Ev is one of the fiercest competitors, as evidenced this season by her virtuoso performance. She got Paula Walnuts into the Finals and if she can get Paula to the winner’s circle, in my eyes that makes her the greatest female in Challenge history. And the whole liking girls thing helps. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

Libya Is Free

Posted: August 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in geopolitics, Libya
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Moammar Khadafy’s oppressive regime ended yesterday in Libya after nearly 42 years and the streets are flooded with celebrations like the Tripoli Camels just won the Super Bowl. Khadafy was a nutjob who had no business running a country. In my book, anyone who dresses like a homeless woman has no business running a country, much less a KFC. This is great news for the Libyan people and hopefully the transition of power will go smoother than in other recent situations. As for now, the people are finally free and gas prices are finally going to come down in the U.S. There’s reasons for everyone to be happy.

Trivia Time: Challenge Edition

Posted: August 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, The Challenge, trivia
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T.J. Lavin doesn’t like quitters. In fact, Challenge competitors that give it their all get him quite sexually aroused. There’s one in particular that really does it for T.J. This person has won four different Challenges. No one else has more than three. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and you’re safe from the Jungle this week. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

Who is the only competitor to win four Challenges? (and a hint: it is not Paula Walnuts)

Read the rest of this entry »

CHALLENGE WEEK

Posted: August 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, MTV, Suite, The Challenge
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Welcome to Challenge Week. To celebrate Wednesday’s Rivals finale, we’re going to be doing features all week to celebrate the greatest reality TV show of all-time. Stay tuned for predictions on Tuesday, a running diary on Wednesday, and final power rankings on Thursday. This season has been great and Wednesday promises to be a fight to the finish. As T.J. would say, they killed it.

Shauna Sand: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum

Posted: August 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, Shauna Sand
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Shauna Sand is most well-known for being formerly married to Lorenzo Lamas and dressing like a stripper, both of which are awesome. Little does anyone know, but Shauna was actually killed in a car accident in 1997 and put back together using massive amount of silicone and lucite. Technology is wonderful. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

Jabroni of the Week: Children International Girl

Posted: August 21, 2011 by Keith Stone in Children International, jabronis
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There’s really one big reason I listen to music everywhere I go on the streets of New York City. It’s so people don’t bother me. Homeless people, dudes trying to sell their CD’s, and especially Children International. Tuesday was a particularly nice day and against my better judgement I went headphone-less. It was a disaster.

I was bombarded every two minutes but one particular girl was the worse. I did my patented “eyes on the prize” move which means I basically look straight ahead like I’m blind while the assclown tries to shake my hand and asks me if I like helping children or whatever. Except this time, as I ignored the chick she yelled out, “You dropped something.” I looked back and had dropped nothing. Bitch made me look like a fool.

Look, honey, Keith Stone is nobody’s fool. Well, maybe Kate Upton’s fool, but you sweetie are no Kate Upton. I’m sorry I don’t want to help any kids. I know it’s for only the price of a cup of coffee a day but I don’t drink coffee. I heard the schpeel my first week of college. That was eight years ago. I’m sorry your life sucks and people ignore you all day. I admire that you want to do good, but I hear your shit everyday several times a day. And if I have any extra money, I’ll just give it to a homeless dude. Yeah, maybe he’s going to buy booze with it but at least he won’t skim off the top. If you want to help somebody, join the Peace Corps. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

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