Archive for the ‘basketball’ Category

Trivia Time: Luxury Tax Edition

Posted: December 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, trivia
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Now that the NBA lockout it over, it’s time for the most fun non-game part of the entire year: free agency! The rules are a bit different. Grantland has a great summary of all the rules. While some teams are way over the cap (I’m looking at you, Lakers), several others are significantly under and have a lot of decisions to make in the next few weeks to determine their future. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and I won’t amnesty your ass. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

Which team currently has the least amount of salary committed towards the 2011-2012 NBA season? (and a hint: it is not the Miami Heat)

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Deron Williams Has Number Retired After Playing 15 Games In Turkey

Posted: December 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Deron Williams, NBA, NBA lockout, Nets, Turkey
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There’s no greater honor an athlete can receive in team sports than having his number retired. It represents doing something so special for the franchise that no other player could ever hope to duplicate it. Deron Williams needed 15 games to earn the achievement for Beşiktaş of the Turkish Basketball League, where he was playing during the NBA lockout. With the labor issue resolved, Williams was set to return to the Nets but his adopted team decided to give him one last over-the-top send-off after he averaged 21.8 points and 6.5 assists for them in the span of a few months.

If Brian Scalabrine ever wanted to get his number retired, he better head out to Turkey. Despite his limited credentials, Deron Williams isn’t the only player to have his jersey raised to the rafters by a team he didn’t exactly do much for. Michael Jordan had his #23 retired by the Miami Heat after averaging 0.0 points for them in 0 career games. Fan up, Miami!

The Real Big Three

Posted: November 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in Amar'e, basketball, Knicks, Melo, NBA, Sesame Street
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During the lockout, Amar’e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony made a little trip to Sesame Street to chill with their buddy Grover and talk about the word “compare.” Melo was a little stiff but still turned in a better performance than the last video he filmed in the hood. At least he has that whole smiling thing down. Amar’e, on the other hand, has the makings of a young Idris Elba. As for Grover, the Nets might look to give him a $35 million contract after this performance.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted: November 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, NBA lockout
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After 149 days, the NBA players and owners have reached a tentative agreement to end the lockout. See you at the Garden on Christmas.

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over

Posted: November 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, bicycles, NBA, Shawn Bradley
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Just in time for the Holiday Season comes this heartwarming story. Former NBA center and 7’6″ giant Shawn Bradley was distraught when he discovered that his custom-built $10,000 bike was stolen from his home in Utah. Bradley took up biking after his weight ballooned after his retirement and has become an avid biker, even riding up to 100 miles at a time. Interestingly enough, nothing else was stolen from his property despite the fact that the bike is nearly impossible for a normal-sized person to ride.

At first, I naturally suspected that Greg Ostertag was involved, but Joshua Carter was arrested after the bike turned up during a random visit from his probation officer. If you stole literally one of the biggest bikes in the world, wouldn’t you hide it before your probation officer comes over? It’s a bit suspicious. And how much does it suck to be a giant. Sure you can drink gallons of wine at a time, but if you’re not a movie star like Gheorghe Muresan, you have to spend like ten times the normal price for a bike. You already can’t fit into a car or a bed. I’m just glad things worked out. Otherwise, the big man would’ve had to ride around on one of these:

ESPN

Coach Stone?

Posted: November 16, 2011 by Keith Stone in awesome, basketball, NBA lockout, strippers
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Strippers are magnanimous. They’re always there to cheer you up, lend you an ear to talk to, or even help keep the sidewalks clean, but now this is just too much. These Mother Teresas of the pole are going to make us forget about the NBA lockout. The ladies of Rick’s are starting their own basketball league with 11 teams representing every city where Rick’s is based out of.

As a magnanimous individual myself, I want to offer my services to the New York squad in any way possible. It’s always been my dream to roam the sidelines like Jeff Van Gundy (with hair). Now obviously, I’m not as qualified a coaching candidate as Dennis Rodman or Stephen Jackson, but I have heart, dammit. Either that or towel boy. I would definitely be a great towel boy. Even cheering on the girls from the stands would be enough for me, as long as we beat Tootsie’s in Miami.

Total Pro Sports

Decertified

Posted: November 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, NBA lockout
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The NBA Players’ Union decertified yesterday after the players rejected the owners’ latest proposal. For real, check out their website. Now they’re taking the owners to court. For what? I don’t know. I don’t care. I just want to watch some basketball. David Stern described this situation as “nuclear winter.” Keith Stone described this situation as “eight cocks shoved up my ass.” Either way, it’s not good.

It doesn’t mean the 2011-2012 season won’t happen but now both sides have to prepare for litigation instead of working on a deal. Hopefully, this is a negotiating tactic because for the case to go through the court system, it would take months, if not years.

For all intents and purposes, and from my lay point of view, the owners’ offer seems fairly reasonable. However, there are two bones of contention: how the owners will divide revenue with the players and how the owners will divide their share amongst each other through revenue sharing, luxury taxes, etc.

The players rightfully don’t want to commit to a deal unless the owners figure out their part first. In this latest proposal, which the NY Times has a review of, the owners limit the rights of free agents by restricting how much money someone can make and which teams they could sign with when switching teams.

The owners contend that this will protect small-market teams like Cleveland from losing a superstar like LeBron James, which will allow franchise values and revenues to grow in places other than the big cities. The players think this is unfair. If a player spends seven years with a team, why shouldn’t they be able to sign a similar contract somewhere else? Neither side is wrong. And that’s where we are, kids.

Nobody’s going to be happy when this is all said and done, but they’re forgetting the one group of people that is going to be the least happy: the fans. It’s time to compromise. The revenue that they’re fighting over is shrinking by the minute.

Survey Says Chris Paul Is An Idiot

Posted: November 6, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, game shows, NBA, NBA lockout, New Orleans Hornets, The Feud
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You wouldn’t think twice about this Family Feud matchup between the Paul family and the O’Hara family. That is until Paul family captain, Chris, comes out to start the festivities. Yes, NBA All-Star Chris Paul is spending his lockout time by appearing on the Feud. And I’m sure the producers made the Paul family go through the rigorous screening procedures that all contestants go through as well. When I was a kid, my two dreams were to play in the NBA and appear on a game show. Chris Paul has stolen my dreams. If he ever shows up on Double Dare, I’ll kill him.

Much like his time in New Orleans, Paul was eliminated before winning anything substantial. Come on, Chris! You don’t want anyone to see your wallet? Who do you think we are? Groupies? If you can’t handle the O’Haras, how are you going to handle the pressures of playing in New York?

I’m all for seeing locked out NBA players on game shows. Better than working at a furniture store. Let’s get Queen James on the new edition of Fear Factor. He’d probably start crying if he had to eat a cockroach. Steve Harvey was onto something here. The only problem is you need NBA players to go head-to-head against one another. Can we see what the Pachulia family is up to? We going to Fast Money, Fast Money, FAST MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Could Have Been

Posted: November 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Knicks, Miami Heat, NBA, NBA lockout
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Tonight should have been Opening Night for the Knicks. Their game against the Heat would have been an epic matchup, but it was cancelled as part of the NBA lockout. I’m pissed. Hopefully everybody is pissed. I won’t pretend to be an expert and make suggestions on how to solve all the economic problems the NBA has. I just think the two sides should compromise and come up with a 1- or 2-year bridge agreement while they come up with a permanent solution. Everyone is losing more money by missing games than making a bad deal. For now, all we have is memories from last year. But hey, when they involve Amar’e beasting over Queen James in the clutch, things aren’t so bad (until they cancel the Christmas games).

Even Jim Halpert Doesn’t Respect Chris Bosh

Posted: November 2, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Chris Bosh, Miami Heat, NBA, The Office
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The Office always does a great job with its Halloween episode. From the montage of Dwight’s violent costumes (Pinhead was my favorite) to Creed going as Osama bin Laden, this year was no exception. However, Thursday’s episode was the best, if only for its shots at Chris Bosh. Darryl, Kevin, and Jim dressed the Heat’s Three Best Friends and the only problem was somebody had to get stuck as Bosh.


If you’re keeping track at home, Chris Bosh signed up for a chance to be part of a Championship team. Now they’re making fun of him in primetime. Hope he’s not too sensitive.

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