I was reading with the TV on when this trailer came up. I heard the announcer say, “Survive the holidays,” so I assumed it was for a crappy family holiday comedy starring Tim Allen and Kristin Davis. All of a sudden, people started getting vaporized. I’ve seen the trailer several times now and it doesn’t look like The Darkest Hour has anything to do with the holidays at all. In fact, the plot seems to revolve around people being snapped up by invisible beings. How can you make an entire movie about that? They’re invisible and they turn everybody into dust. If Will Smith isn’t in the movie, I can’t imagine the battle would last very long. I’ll spend my money on New Year’s Eve, thank you very much.
Archive for the ‘videos’ Category
Trailer Park: The Darkest Hour
Posted: December 11, 2011 by Keith Stone in Happy Holidays, The Darkest Hour, Trailer Park, videos0
Throwback: Hanukkah Song
Posted: December 9, 2011 by Keith Stone in Adam Sandler, Hannukah Song, Hanukkah, Happy Holidays, Throwback, videos
I think it’s Hanukkah or at least it feels like it should be Hanukkah, so here’s a treat for our Jewish friends out there: Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song. It always gets me in the mood for Christmas. And how do you suppose Sandler found all these random Jewish celebrities back in 1996? I could go on Wikipedia now and write a song about famous Episcopalians in like eight minutes but back then do you think there was some sort of list that said Harrison Ford was Jewish? This is what I think about during the holiday season.
Slobberknocker: Tombstone on the Escalator
Posted: December 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in Slobberknocker, Triple H, Undertaker, videos, wrestling, WWF
This has to be one of the most spectacular wrestling matches of all-time, with a finish for the ages. I didn’t even know it existed until like a week ago. Two future Hall of Famers fighting in the middle of Penn Station on the short-lived Shotgun Saturday Night. Of course I didn’t see it. It was on Channel 55. The Undertaker’s entrance down the escalator and through the crowd was awesome but I was a little disappointed he didn’t make the lights go off. Imagine rushing to take the LIRR home and bumping into the Undertaker. That’s a scary commute.
And in the role of a lifetime Gary Oldman.
MIDGETS! How did I miss this in theaters? You have command performances by Kate Beckinsale as some sort of a artsy chick who likes to give blow jobs and Matthew McConaughey as a Jew. Then, Gary Oldman comes along and blows them out of the fucking water by playing a dwarf. When I was a kid, my friends and I would put our shoes on our knees and pretend we were little people. Gary Oldman did that and got paid. That’s what I call the role of a lifetime! He should have won an Oscar for keeping a straight face throughout filming.
Seriously, Tom Hanks wins for playing Forrest Gump but Gary Oldman can’t any love for playing a short dude? Nobody else could have pulled off this role of a lifetime. Well, maybe Danny DeVito. Actually that would have been pretty awesome if Danny DeVito had Gary Oldman’s part. And how wild do you think it was filming this movie? You have all these little guys running around plus Matthew McConaughey high all the time. That’s what we like to call a recipe for disaster. There better be a making-of feature on the DVD.
Throwback: Ernest Goes To Jury Duty
Posted: November 29, 2011 by Keith Stone in Ernest, Throwback, videos
Ernest Goes To Jail was one of my favorite movies as a kid and the jury duty scene still makes me laugh, Vern. Jim Varney pulled double-duty in this one, playing Ernest and the nefarious Mr. Nash, who switched places with Ernest landing our hero in jail. However, Ernest escapes and eventually exacts revenge on those who wronged him. In short, Ernest Goes To Jail is like a more realistic version of The Shawshank Redemption. I can’t believe it didn’t win an Oscar.
Slobberknocker: Gobbledy Gooker
Posted: November 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in Gobbledy Gooker, Slobberknocker, videos, wrestling, WWF
Is it a dinosaur? Is it a rabbit? Balloons? Is it the Playmate of the Month?
Leading up to the 1990 Survivor Series, a giant egg was frequently seen on WWF TV with the promise of a big surprise reveal at the event. Mean Gene was pretty excited about it but when the Gobbledy Gooker popped out and started dancing in the ring, the fans weren’t much pleased. Despite Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper’s best efforts to sell the hell out of the gimmick, the Gooker (played by Eddie Guerrero’s brother Hector) wasn’t seen again for more than 10 years.
Trailer Park: Thanksgiving
Posted: November 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in Grindhouse, Thanksgiving, Trailer Park, videos
White meat. Dark meat. All will be carved.
When Eli Roth was young, he and his friend (the killer pilgrim) would joke around about the non-existent Thanksgiving horror movie that needed to be made on the heels of every other slasher film that took place on a holiday. That never happened but at we least we got the trailer for Thanksgiving out of it, which he directed as part of Grindhouse. This movie NEEDS to be made. I would see it like eight times for the trampoline scene alone. If the studios keep rolling out garbage like Jack and Jill, the least they can give us is Thanksgiving.
Throwback: November Rain
Posted: November 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in Guns N' Roses, Throwback, videos
As I was driving home from the Giants game last night, it started pouring out of nowhere. It seemed appropriate, as does this song. You better believe that my wedding is going to be exactly like Axl Rose’s, from his outfit and hair to Slash being my ring bearer and playing kicking guitar solos in the middle of the desert while sweeping camera shots are being taken from a helicopter. And don’t forget about my way-too-hot wife being killed in a dramatic rainstorm during the reception. Fuck Thriller. This is the best music video of all-time. They don’t make them like they used to, kids.
Slobberknocker: Deadly Game
Posted: November 19, 2011 by Keith Stone in Slobberknocker, The Rock, videos, wrestling, WWF
With the Survivor Series in town this Sunday and the Rock making his return after being inactive for seven years, this is only appropriate. After Vince McMahon screwed Bret Hart at the 1997 Survivor Series, he (or rather Mr. McMahon) and his cronies took meddling to new levels. Just one year later at the ’98 Series, the WWF Title sat vacant after the Undertaker and Kane pinned Stone Cold Steve Austin simultaneously at Summerslam.
To rectify this, McMahon set up a 14-man tournament for the event with the winner to be crowned Champion. Along with his long-running hatred of Austin, McMahon had a new nemesis in the Rock, who called himself the People’s Champion. Well, McMahon hated the people but appeared to be growing fond of Mankind, who would do anything for “his dad.” When he and the Rock met in the Finals, it seemed like Mankind would have his day but he learned like the Hitman did, never to trust Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and the Rock had won his first WWF Championship.
PCU is a forgotten classic about college in the early 90’s starring a looking-a-bit-too-old-to-be-in-college Jeremy Piven, David Spade, and Jon “Mikey” Favreau in dreadlocks. It’s a movie that’s simultaneously corny and over-the-top yet perfectly conveys the joys and perils of school. It’s also ridiculously dated, which is good for more than a few laughs. Funny that Piven would later become the nemesis in another college movie only ten years later in Old School. I only wonder how he had more hair in the last season of Entourage than he did in this flick.
Rainman Suite 