Seriously, how can you do it? What’s the point? Until next Thanksgiving, you’re a jabroni, brother.
Jabroni of the Week: Vegetarians
Posted: November 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in jabronis, Thanksgiving, vegetarians0
Lauren Pope: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum
Posted: November 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, Lauren Pope
I didn’t know who Lauren Pope was before I saw her at the Twilight premiere. Now all I want to do is kiss her ring. Send up the white smoke. I think I’m in love. According to my extensive research (Wikipedia), Lauren is a model, DJ, producer, and entrepreneur. In other words, she gets paid for doing nothing because she’s hot. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
When Jackie DeVita was diagnosed with cancer and given a few months to live, her top priority was making sure her three children were taken care of after she passed away. Her solution was awesome, at least for her husband, Richard. She wanted him to marry her little sister, Colleen, who was the only person she trusted to take care of the kids. Three months after Jackie died, Richard and Colleen were married.
Dude didn’t even have to put any work in, now he gets sisters plus somebody to help around the house. Who needs Uncle Jesse? Sure, Jackie could have simply asked her sis to keep an eye on the kids when she was gone but it’s all good, they’re from the South. Somewhere, Marty Brodeur is smiling.
Slobberknocker: Gobbledy Gooker
Posted: November 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in Gobbledy Gooker, Slobberknocker, videos, wrestling, WWF
Is it a dinosaur? Is it a rabbit? Balloons? Is it the Playmate of the Month?
Leading up to the 1990 Survivor Series, a giant egg was frequently seen on WWF TV with the promise of a big surprise reveal at the event. Mean Gene was pretty excited about it but when the Gobbledy Gooker popped out and started dancing in the ring, the fans weren’t much pleased. Despite Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper’s best efforts to sell the hell out of the gimmick, the Gooker (played by Eddie Guerrero’s brother Hector) wasn’t seen again for more than 10 years.
I went 3-10 last week. Frankly, I don’t deserve to write anything about making picks so here’s Rory:
So, now that I’m in first place, Keith wants me to do an introduction to the picks. He said that I could write about the NBA. But you know what this really is? An invitation to jinx myself! Clearly, he’s frightened of my amazing picking skills, and wants me to write something bragging about how smart I am. But I won’t do it! I’ll just congratulate Keith for doing so well up to now. Don’t give up, Keith! I’m sure you’ll be back on top soon!
BILLS AT JETS (-8.5)
Stone: Bills
I still think the Jets will win but this is a typical game in which they’d struggle.
Slumdeezy: Jets
Rory: Jets
DP Animal: Jets
Phanatic: Jets
I swore I was done picking the Bills.
BROWNS AT BENGALS (-7.5)
Stone: Bengals
The Browns are abysmal.
Slumdeezy: Bengals
Rory: Bengals
DP Animal: Bengals
Phanatic: Browns
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: November 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, NBA lockout
After 149 days, the NBA players and owners have reached a tentative agreement to end the lockout. See you at the Garden on Christmas.
Trailer Park: Thanksgiving
Posted: November 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in Grindhouse, Thanksgiving, Trailer Park, videos
White meat. Dark meat. All will be carved.
When Eli Roth was young, he and his friend (the killer pilgrim) would joke around about the non-existent Thanksgiving horror movie that needed to be made on the heels of every other slasher film that took place on a holiday. That never happened but at we least we got the trailer for Thanksgiving out of it, which he directed as part of Grindhouse. This movie NEEDS to be made. I would see it like eight times for the trampoline scene alone. If the studios keep rolling out garbage like Jack and Jill, the least they can give us is Thanksgiving.
Our Long National Nightmare Is Over
Posted: November 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, bicycles, NBA, Shawn Bradley
Just in time for the Holiday Season comes this heartwarming story. Former NBA center and 7’6″ giant Shawn Bradley was distraught when he discovered that his custom-built $10,000 bike was stolen from his home in Utah. Bradley took up biking after his weight ballooned after his retirement and has become an avid biker, even riding up to 100 miles at a time. Interestingly enough, nothing else was stolen from his property despite the fact that the bike is nearly impossible for a normal-sized person to ride.
At first, I naturally suspected that Greg Ostertag was involved, but Joshua Carter was arrested after the bike turned up during a random visit from his probation officer. If you stole literally one of the biggest bikes in the world, wouldn’t you hide it before your probation officer comes over? It’s a bit suspicious. And how much does it suck to be a giant. Sure you can drink gallons of wine at a time, but if you’re not a movie star like Gheorghe Muresan, you have to spend like ten times the normal price for a bike. You already can’t fit into a car or a bed. I’m just glad things worked out. Otherwise, the big man would’ve had to ride around on one of these:
S.H.I.T.: Thanksgiving
Posted: November 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL, S.H.I.T., Thanksgiving
It Turkey Day. Time for stuffing your face and ignoring Grandma while you watch football. This year, I’m thankful we actually have three good games. I can’t remember the last time we even had a decent one. With our luck, they’ll all be blowouts. At least you’ll have more time for Grandma. Picks!
PACKERS (-6.5) AT LIONS
Stone: Lions
Slumdeezy: Packers
Rory: Lions
DP Animal: Packers
Phanatic: Lions
DOLPHINS AT COWBOYS (-6.5)
Stone: Dolphins
Slumdeezy: Cowboys
Rory: Dolphins
DP Animal: Dolphins
Phanatic: Cowboys
49ERS AT RAVENS (-2.5)
Stone: Ravens
Slumdeezy: Ravens
Rory: 49ers
DP Animal: Ravens
Phanatic: Ravens
CURRENT RECORDS
Rory: 88-67 (Last week: 7-6)
Stone: 85-70 (3-10)
Slumdeezy: 84-71 (9-4)
DP Animal: 76-79 (8-5)
Phanatic: 75-80 (8-5)
This may be the funniest thing I’ve seen all year. You’re welcome.
It’s only 7 minutes, but here are my top five plays:
5. They win less than $10,000.
4. The guy at 3:40. What the hell is that?! He just starts wailing on the dude lying down, and dude lying down puts his hands up to block it.
3. The use of “tube lights.” Eating them. Diving through them. Etc. Because of course, if you’re dumb or slow to get things in India, you’re considered a tube light (that needs to flicker for a few seconds before actually turning on).
2. The guy bleeding and proudly twiddling his mustache at the end.
1. The judge at 3:45 and again at 5:30.
Rainman Suite 