A-Rod Involved In Ticket Fix Scandal, Who Cares?

Posted: May 30, 2011 by Keith Stone in Alex Rodriguez, crime and punishment
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Everyone is up in arms about this NYPD ticket-fixing investigation. Fair enough. Just because you’re buddies with a cop, doesn’t mean your speeding ticket should get “lost.” Then, Alex Rodriguez emerged as one of the celebrities named in the scandal (along with George Steinbrenner and Jay-Z) for speeding on the West Side Highway and of course landed in the headlines in every newspaper.

Despite the fact that A-Rod has seen his share of tabloid stories from Madonna to Kristin Davis, can we just let him get away with this, Daily News and Post? The dude has 600 home runs and led the Yanks to the World Series last year. Plus, he’s tagging Cameron Diaz. When he’s selling drugs to schoolchildren, make sure he’s on the front cover. If he’s not, and his biggest crime is getting a $100 fine waived because he’s a fucking megastar and shouldn’t be made to bother with such trifling matters when he’s trying to win a Title for the City, give him a break and let him concentrate on hitting home runs. A-Rod can hit me with his car going 85 and as long as he got to the Stadium on time, I’d be fine with it.

NY Daily News

Jabroni of the Week: Fleet Week Sailors

Posted: May 29, 2011 by Keith Stone in jabronis, sailors
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I love America. I love the military. My grandfather served in the Navy and I shop at Old Navy. These guys put their lives on the line to protect our country and I will forever be grateful, but dammit if every May they take over the streets of the City and make the girls swoon.

They’re just tourists in silly outfits. I had to walk through Times Square the other day and kept bumping into sailors who were taking pictures and looking for the Ball. That’s bad enough but on top of it, they get more chicks than guys with British accents. Maybe they deserve it for fighting on the front line, but aren’t the real heroes the ordinary guys who get up and go to work everyday (or write about basketball in their pajamas while drinking margaritas)? It’s also illegal to impersonate a sailor so my plan to go to Ricky’s and buying a uniform was foiled. Why do they need to wear it all the time anyway? It’s to get ass. No other reason. Sloth from The Goonies could throw on a sailor costume and he’d get laid.

I know we’re supposed to show our appreciation for you sailors for Fleet Week, but you would love the beauty queens in Philadelphia just as much. You were just off at sea for months. Can’t be picky. Plus, being with a Philly girl is like training for battle. It’s for America, people! Let’s save our streets and save our ladies (for Keith Stone). Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

Another Unnecessary Idea: Hotel Maid Panic Buttons

Posted: May 29, 2011 by Keith Stone in panic button, ridiculous
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On the heels of the creepy French IMF guy who sexually assaulted a maid at the Sofitel Hotel, New York Assemblyman Rory Lancman wants to force hotels to have a panic button in every room in case of a similar event. Ladies and gentlemen, Rory Lancman is an idiot.

Apparently, at least 10 other maids have been attacked in the US over the past three years. I attacked 10 chicks in the US over the past three weeks. How is a hotel more dangerous than a bar or any public area for that matter? Put a panic button in the bathroom at Joshua Tree instead. It’s inane to make hotels to spend money on garbage like this. What these maids need is pepper spray. That’ll stop any frogs from trying to lick them.

NBC New York

Best Goal Ever

Posted: May 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, hockey, Matteau, NHL, Rangers, Stanley Cup Playoffs
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Game 7 of the NHL Eastern Conference Finals is tonight. I have three words for you.

Does Anyone Actually Use LinkedIn?

Posted: May 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in computers, job search, LinkedIn
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LinkedIn’s IPO created quite a ruckus last week. It sold 7.84 million shares for $45 a pop. These shares were then trading later in the day for up to $122. There’s only one problem: LinkedIn might be the most useless site on the face of the Earth. I’m sure some people have used it as a way to attract headhunters or network their way to a job, but I don’t know any of them and it sure isn’t me. When I was in college, I was told that it was vital in this job market. Bullshit.

Every couple of weeks I get an E-mail saying that somebody wants to connect on LinkedIn. I click OK and then nothing happens until I get another E-mail from another person that I barely know. I get that LinkedIn is supposed to be a more professional version of Facebook, but how is it better than just actually sending somebody a message on Facebook? If my friend says I should talk to Joe Blow about a job, I’ll send him an E-mail. We don’t need separate social network for personal use, jobs, sports, movies, music.

That’s why I don’t get why the stock is so high and I’m a little worried. I feel like the people who are making these financial decisions aren’t actually plugged into the real world. They may read an article about LinkedIn or Zynga or Groupon and how it’s so great. And yes, there may be people out there that may use LinkedIn on a daily basis. I just don’t see how that makes it a billion-dollar company. It makes money from tiny ads on the side and subscriptions but how much can this actually bring in? LinkedIn made a profit of barely over $1 million last year. Will the cash infusion from the IPO create a way to better monetize the site? I don’t think so! Maybe LinkedIn can become the go-to job search site, but there’s already Monster.com and Career Builder. Let’s all hope and pray that this isn’t the beginning of another tech bubble and investors will be wiser in the future. For now, kids I went to sixth grade with can stop connecting with me.

Daily Finance

Classic Video of the Week: Ernest Goes To Jury Duty

Posted: May 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in Ernest, videos
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CurlySue is on extended jury duty, most likely as a karmic result for embarrassing me in Times Square. In her honor, we celebrate with a clip from Ernest Goes To Jail, a movie that was robbed of a Oscar. The late, great Jim Varney never gets enough credit.

Trivia Time: Macho Edition

Posted: May 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Randy Savage, trivia
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Randy “Macho Man” Savage died this weekend but will never be forgotten. Hopefully, his long-awaited induction into the WWF Hall of Fame will be forthcoming. This brings us to this week’s question. If you get it right, the prize is a flying elbow. The answer is after the jump.

Who did Randy Savage beat at WresteMania IV to win his first WWF Championship? (and a hint: it’s not the Brooklyn Brawler) 

Read the rest of this entry »

Fred Wilpon Is A Genius

Posted: May 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Fred Wilpon, Mets, MLB
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The Mets have been a laughingstock for a few years now. Going back to their 2006 loss in the NLCS to the St. Louis Cardinals and epic 2007 collapse in the NL East race, to the more recent off-the-field embarrassments with Omar Minaya, Tony Bernazard, and of course Bernie Madoff, this isn’t the brightest spot in Mets history. But today is a new low.

In an interview with the New Yorker, owner Fred Wilpon took several shots at his players, his players. Of Jose Reyes, he said, “He’s had everything wrong with him.” Of Carlos Beltran, “He’s 65-70% of what he was.” And finally, of poor hardworking David Wright, whose production has dipped in the cavernous Citi Field, “A very good player. Not a superstar.”

Obviously, this is stupid for many reasons. Wilpon is antagonizing an injury-plagued roster that just managed to get back to .500. He’s also belittling the fans who are shelling out their hard-earned money to see a team that the owner doesn’t think is very good. At the same time, the worst thing is that he’s hurting the trade value of all these guys.

Or maybe Wilpon is a stupid like a fox. The big question of the impending Madoff lawsuit is whether he knew that his profits were ill begotten or if he was just an assclown who fell for the biggest Ponzi scheme in history. After this, nobody will believe he was smart enough to do his due diligence and figure things out. In the New Yorker piece, Madoff himself said about Mets management that “although I explained the Strategy [sic] to them they were not sophisticated enough to evaluate it properly.” Wilpon isn’t a crook; he’s a fool.

ESPN

Will “Nude Nuns With Big Guns” Be the Highest Grossing Movie of All-Time? [Video NSFWish]

Posted: May 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in crime and punishment, movies, Nude Nuns With Big Guns
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Nude Nuns With Big Guns is one of the latest film releases from Camelot Distribution Group, a B-movie company. The movie, about a nun who takes justice into her own hands while presumably naked, will potentially make Camelot a huge windfall. Not from ticket or video sales, but by suing 5,865 people who illegally downloaded the flick. If Camelot fully pursues every lawsuit, Nude Nuns can potentially make them over $850 million off a budget of $85,000. It’s a pretty shiesty move by Camelot, but the strategy is being used more often by small film and porn companies. Imagine being sued for downloading Nude Nuns With Big Guns. How do you explain that one to the wife? Concurrently, Camelot is being sued by its financier after it defaulted on a loan, so its ownership of the film is in doubt and the idiots facing their illegal downloading lawsuits will have a little more time to sweat it out. It’ll be interesting to see what happens with this case.

Wired

Tom Brady Enjoys Waterslide

Posted: May 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, football, NFL, Tom Brady
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Wow. Even if Eli Manning won three Super Bowls, I don’t think I could take him seriously if a picture like this came out. I think it’s just a matter of Brady being too famous for his own good and thinking he can do anything without looking like an idiot. It started with the hair. Now this. Pretty soon, he’s going to be wearing a pink tutu on the sidelines. I don’t see how anyone in Boston can defend this. At least he was with Gisele, but I still think he’d have be better off going down the slide like a man and chilling with Rosie O’Donnell than looking like a 12-year-old girl with Gisele.

Dlisted

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