Posts Tagged ‘baseball’

News out of Tampa is that Joba Chamberlain severely dislocated his ankle last night while jumping on a trampoline with his son. How bad was it? The injury apparently pierced the skin. Joba was recovering from Tommy John surgery and Casanova Cashman says he’s out indefinitely, which doesn’t sound promising.

It’s fucking insane how hard the Yankees’ bullpen is being hit by ridiculous injuries. David Robertson hurt himself taking the recycle out. Joba on the trampoline. Soriano is made of glass so I’m sure he’s going to hurt himself brushing his teeth. Can somebody wrap Mo up in bubble wrap? If anything happens to him, the pen is officially cursed. Apparently, Steinbrenner Field was built on the remnants of an Indian burial ground. Joe needs to forget all the motivational tricks and speakers. Bring the crazy lady from Poltergeist to camp.

I love Joba and I love trampolines, but how do you suffer a career-threatening injury on a tramp? When I was a kid, me and my friends would wrestle on trampolines, throw shit at each other, spray each with other with hoses, and didn’t get so much as a scratch. Also, his son is like 5 so I’m sure they were on the most embarrassingly small trampoline you could severely dislocate your ankle on. Can’t wait to hear about it from Sox fans. I know April Fool’s Day is a week away but somebody please tell me this is a joke.

USA Today

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With the addition of Andy Pettitte to the Yankees’ pitching staff, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there’s not enough room for everybody in the starting rotation. Yesterday, Joe Girardi made it known that he doesn’t care about anyone’s performance in the past or the circumstances of their arrival to the Yanks, just the way they pitch now. He said:

If you don’t want somebody to take your job, pitch that way. It’s really simple. Let’s say the job was given to you and you were struggling. They’re going to look for someone to give the job to. You have to produce. That’s the world we live in in New York. It’s not like, ‘You’re this guy and we’re going to give you 20 starts no mater what happens.’ We don’t live in that world here.

In other words, put up or shut up, boys. What a welcome departure from the days of Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright. Michael Pineda’s been struggling with his velocity. Now it’s get it up or off to the bullpen. You can have all the motivational speeches in the world during spring training but nothing’s going to light the fire under a guy’s ass than the threat of losing his job. It’s nice to see athletes getting treated like the rest of us.

Even if Andy sucks, at least we’ll know which guys really deserve to start. But judging from today’s bullpen session and how much he and Russell Martin got each other’s juices flowing (no homo), it looks like Pineda, Phil Hughes, Ivan Nova, and Freddy Garcia are going to have to pick their games up if they want to stay in the rotation.

CBS New York

Holy shit. When I saw Andy Pettitte was returning to the Yankees, I assumed it was as a spring training instructor or goodwill ambassador or something. Nope, the old man is coming back in pinstripes. I wonder if Jorge feels like an idiot now for retiring. We could’ve have the Core Four back together. In case you’re keeping track at home, we’ve gone from Core Four to Core Three to Core Two to Core Three in about a year. Even Oprah’s weight doesn’t change as often.

Andy is a legend and he can do whatever the fuck he wants. Make a comeback at 39? Sure. Hump George Steinbrenner’s massive plaque in Monument Park? Why not. Pettitte actually pitched well in 2010 until he was hit by injuries. If he comes back in May or June like they’re projecting, he should be able to last until October.

The Yanks’ pitching was the big reason they lost last year, and even with the additions of Pineda and Kuroda, they could use as many pitchers as possible. The Supernova might have trouble in his sophomore season as hitters figure him out, Freddy Garcia is banged up, Phil Hughes is a question mark, Pineda’s velocity has been down, and who knows how Kuroda will react to the AL. Andy is still Mr. Clutch in October and that’s all that matters with the Bombers. If there’s a big game, there’s no one I’d rather see on the mound. It doesn’t matter how old he is. Guess after hearing all of Joe Girardi’s motivational tactics while visiting Tampa, #46 just couldn’t resist coming back.

ESPN

The Daily News got a hold of surveillance footage showing Yankees GM Brian Cashman with the woman he had an affair with and is now on trial for blackmailing him. It appears that Cashman is an expert at keeping things on the DL with the ladies, from wearing a hat pulled down low to avoiding text messages to entering and leaving his chick’s apartment through the service exit. In the video, Cashman was seen leaving the scene of the crime around 5:30 in the morning. That’s colder than the way he treated Jorge Posada. However, it is unknown whether Cashman left blondie a gift basket upon his departure. What exactly do you think Cash would leave in his gift basket? I’m thinking an economics textbook, a coupon for LASIK surgery, and an autographed radar gun.

You can talk about Billy Beane and Moneyball all you want, but this is why Cashman gets the job done. If you want to be a successful GM in any sport, you have to be sneaky and underhanded. There’s no better way to do this than keeping a couple girls on the side. In fact, Cashman is probably so committed to the Yankees, it was the only reason he was carousing with a crazy stalker bitch. At least that’s what I’d tell him to say to his wife.

NY Daily News

You really did it this time, Zolio. The Red Sox were in town at Steinbrenner Field, just asking for a beatdown after everything that Bobby V’s been saying. The game was scoreless into the 9th but Zolio misplayed a single into an inside-the-park home run. Now everything New York has accomplished recently against Boston is for naught. Blueshirts rocking the B’s on their way to the #1 seed? Doesn’t matter. Super Bowl XLVI? Who cares. All I know is that that smug bastard Bobby V is probably smiling and waving goodbye to the fans in Tampa from the back of the bus. We had a chance to shut this clown up and Zolio Almonte gave it all away. Somebody better have a great motivational quote planned for tomorrow. On the plus side, Ivan Nova threw four shutout innings with three strikeouts and only allowed two hits. I guess it wasn’t a total washout.

MLB

Looks like Joe Girardi’s Spring of Motivation is contagious. No, Nick Swisher and Brett Gardner aren’t skipping workouts to discuss the teachings of Voltaire and Martin Luther King. Yankees Chief International Officer (really?) and landscaper-in-chief Felix Lopez has been taking in games from the team’s dugout at Steinbrenner Field and is known to do a little more cheering than the skipper would like. You might know Lopez as the luckiest son of a bitch in the world, who married into the Steinbrenner family after meeting the Boss’s daughter, Jessica, while landscaping her house (yes, really).

Now he oversees the Yanks’ spring training home in Tampa and their Latin American scouting department, where his biggest accomplishments have been designing new lounges and bringing the 2009 World Series Trophy to the Dominican Republic (yesssssssssssss really—stop asking). But wait…there’s more. On a day when brother-in-law Hal was out of town, Felix tried to deliver a booming speech to rally the troops. Apparently it was so awful, the players were shaking their heads with confusion after 10 incoherent minutes.

I’m all for nepotism but somebody has to keep Felix in line. First, he’s delivering rambling speeches and sitting in the dugout during spring training. Then, he’ll be making lineup suggestions to Cashman and Girardi. Next thing you know, he’s going to activate himself like he’s Roger Dorn and investing all the Yankees’ money with Ponzi schemers. The Boss was so concerned about winning in the present, he never groomed a proper successor. Hank would rather chain smoke, kidnap children, and yell at reporters. Steve Swindal had it all until he fucked it up with a DUI. Worst of all, Hal wants the Bombers to practice FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY. Poor George must be rolling over in his grave. One thing’s for sure. El Bossito needs to focus on cutting the grass and let experts like the bat-breaking preacher handle the inspiration.

Personally, I’d be happy enough if my father-in-law had season tickets, much less owned the team.

NY Daily News

David Robertson OK, Still A Huge Dork

Posted: March 10, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB
Tags: , , ,

If you’re a Yankees fan, breathe a huge sigh of relief. Tests revealed that setup man David Robertson only suffered a bone bruise when he fell while carrying recyclables on Wednesday and may be ready for Opening Day. Robertson is expected to start pitching again in two weeks and hopefully has been banned by Joe Girardi from doing any household tasks. Looks like the Soriano-Robertson-Rivera endgame will be good to go in 2012 although Robertson admitted that his ego took a hit from the whole ordeal. Of course it did. Who actually recycles? Isn’t that what they do in Flushing?

Something always seems to happen to the Yankee bullpen. Kyle Farnsworth, getting attacked by bugs in Cleveland, Joba and Soriano with injuries last year, and now this. Mo is the only constant. Really makes you appreciate how lucky the Yanks are to have him. Thanks to his conversations with God, he is fully protected from falling down stairs, bumping his head on any overhangs, or cutting himself while shaving. Now what are the odds we could sign a lefty to come out of the pen who’s also a priest?

Sporting News