Archive for the ‘football’ Category

NFL Kickoff Picks

Posted: September 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL

This year, Rodave, Rory, Dinner Party Animal, Phanatic, and I will be picking every NFL game in an epic battle for bragging rights and superiority. Will Phanatic pull out the victory, or prove once and for all that chicks from Philadelphia have the mental capacity of a high-functioning orangutan? How about Rory? Jason Kidd doesn’t play football, son. Can Dinner Party Animal save the NFC West from another pathetic season? Actually, Rodave will probably win because he’s Indian and smarter than us. Or how about the Stoner himself, leveraging a picks victory into scoring one of the Jets’ slutty Flight Crew chicks?

So much is on the line! Kickoff is only a few hours away. Here are tonight’s picks followed tomorrow by the rest of WEEK 1.

SAINTS AT PACKERS (-4.5)
Stone: Packers

Rodave: Packers

Rory: Saints

DP Animal: Saints

Phanatic: Packers


It’s the ultimate in NFL cliche to say that quarterback is the most important position on the field.  Watch a game on TV, and you’ll hear announcers mention it at least once a game.  If it’s Monday Night Football, Jon Gruden alone is good for at least five.  Like virtually every cliche, it has a fair amount of truth behind it, which at least makes it better than the old adage that teams should run the football to win games.  With all that being said, the NFC West this year offers a somewhat interesting lens by which to examine the state of the quarterback position in 2011, as well as the promise of another crappy playoff team.

Arizona Cardinals

Exhibit A in the argument that the quarterback position matters most would be the Arizona Cardinals, and Kevin Kolb.  After a two-year run as Division Champs and a Super Bowl loss, the team was seemingly utterly unprepared for Kurt Warner’s retirement.  The results were perhaps the worst collective quarterbacking in living memory, as Derek Anderson, John Skelton, and Max Hall combined to shatter the previously established standard of replacement level.  The team won five games and was lucky to do so.  In the off-season, they shipped a second-round pick and their best cornerback to the Eagles for Kolb, then gave him a massive contract.  All this for a guy who’s thrown 11 TDs and 14 interceptions in the league.

Kolb supporters point to a couple of decent games as a fill-in starter for Donovan McNabb, and the fact that he beat out Michael Vick for the starting job last year (before getting hurt).  Doubters point to an unimpressive set of numbers, a lack of truly impressive physical ability, and the aforementioned frailness.  The Cardinals may well strike gold, but at this point it’s hard not to look at the move as wishful thinking.

Some have advanced the notion that Kolb was acquired in part to satisfy Larry Fitzgerald, who signed his own long-term deal this off-season.  If so, it makes an already questionable move even worse.  Fitzgerald is a great player, yes, but trading significant resources and committing a lot of money to an at-best good quarterback just so you can commit even more money to a wide out who, while great, can’t turn Kolb into Warner just by willing it, isn’t smart.  This continues a series of puzzling moves, as the Cardinals have let plenty of defensive talent leave over the last few years.  Couple that with the utter lack of options at quarterback last year, and doubts exist about the direction of the franchise. Of course, if Kolb turns out to be a great, or even good, quarterback, all will be forgiven.  And if he doesn’t, you can bet on wholesale changes in the desert in the next few years.

St. Louis Rams

Before the 2010 NFL Draft, the St. Louis Rams were faced with a dilemma.  They held the first overall pick, and their choices were essentially narrowed down to two: Ndamukong Suh, a world-beating defensive tackle, and Sam Bradford, a former Heisman Trophy winner who’d missed most of the prior season with a shoulder injury.  St. Louis, a franchise which had seen one of the all-time great displays of quarterbacking virtuosity just a decade earlier, was without a long-(or even short-) term answer at the position, and so they passed on the almost certain star in Suh to entrust the next few years of the franchise to Bradford.

There are two conflicting narratives on how the season went for Bradford: many in the media saw his first year as evidence of future greatness, pointing to solid if unspectacular numbers and a receiving corps which was, to put it kindly, shitty.  Others saw yardage and completion percentage totals that were inflated by a ton of short passes, as well as the fact that Bradford wasn’t even the best rookie QB in the league.

Obviously, the Rams hopes this year largely rest on the idea that Bradford will continue down the path of franchise quarterback.  While the receivers are still bad, and longtime stalwart running back Steven Jackson is another year closer to his professional grave, the thought is that an improved Bradford will fashion an average offense, which could be coupled with a young and somewhat talented defense to produce something approaching a decent team.  In the NFC West, that would be enough.

The shadow side is that Bradford may not be all that good.  His year last year was statistically inferior to almost every quarterback who saw significant action last year.  When compared to, say, Matt Ryan or Joe Flacco’s rookie seasons, the year looks even worse.  While there clearly is talent, Bradford has yet to demonstrate an ability to throw the ball downfield or diagnose defenses.  In the final game of 2010, with a chance to earn a playoff spot, he was terrible against a Seattle defense that ranked among the league’s worst.  There exists a potential for St. Louis to be stuck in a long holding pattern, with Bradford’s high draft pick and occasional spots of ability teasing the team, even as he fails to develop into a elite passer.  Struggles this year, against a much tougher schedule, would start to perhaps bring whispers that the team may have made a mistake tying their fate to Bradford’s.

San Francisco 49ers

For an example of what could happen to the Rams one need look no further than the 2005-2010 49ers.  After drafting Alex Smith first overall in 2005, the team has yet to make the playoffs, or even record a winning season, during that time span.  Smith has consistently been one of the worst starting quarterbacks in the league, and the team has paid him a boatload of money for the privilege.  Despite talent on both sides of the ball, the franchise has been completely inhibited by Smith’s failings.  Just this season, they finally invested a high draft pick in a quarterback, taking Colin Kaepernick early in the second round.

Still, they’ve decided to put the ball back in Smith’s undersized hands this season.  Kaepernick is widely seen as more of a developmental project, and while it’s likely he’ll see the field at some point, he’s not ready yet.  Offensively, the team is hoping for a healthy season from Frank Gore, something that looks less and less likely each passing year, as well as growth and maturity from Michael Crabtree, again something of a failing bet.  Vernon Davis remains one of the league’s best tight ends, and the line is competent if not great.

Defensively, Patrick Willis is a great player at a relatively unimportant position, and the rest of the unit lacks playmakers.  The hope is that first-round pick Aldon Smith provides a pass-rushing threat from the outside, but small-college players are rarely impactful early on in their careers.  The 49ers are in that most-dubious of NFL categories: just enough talent to think that with a few breaks they could make the playoffs, but in reality they have a flawed and not-particularly young roster with no star players at important positions.

Seattle Seahawks

Alone among the four teams in the division, the Seahawks appear resigned to the fact that they won’t get good quarterbacking this year.  The team let long-time favorite Matt Hasselbeck walk in free agency, choosing to recognize the fact that despite a playoff win and a bundle of good memories, Hasselbeck has been among the worst starters in the league the last few years.  Not happy with the idea of backup Charlie Whitehurst becoming the starter, the team signed Tarvaris Jackson to a free agent deal which, if nothing else, illustrated the difference that media narrative can play in a signing.  Jackson, like Kevin Kolb, had been drafted as a quarterback of the future, then been stuck behind higher profile players with only limited chances.  By now, everyone’s familiar of the way the Brett Favre saga developed in Minnesota, but even before Favre the Vikings appeared unwilling to commit to Jackson.

Now, it’s more than possible this is because Jackson was never any good.  He was widely considered a reach when the team drafted him in 2006, and while there have been occasional flashes, he’s rarely performed at a high level.  Still, he’s compiled a statline that compares somewhat favorably to Kolb’s.  Additionally, he offers a much broader set of athletic abilities.  The potential exists that he may tap into them, offering the team some value at the position.  It’s unlikely, but no one would ever claim the the Brad Childress-led Vikings were a model franchise, so they could easily have been wrong about Jackson.

The team made a number of off-season moves beyond Jackson, bringing in talented-if-fragile wide receiver Sidney Rice from Minnesota as well.  They also addressed the woeful state of their offensive line, drafting linemen with their first two picks and signing Robert Gallery away from Oakland.  Unfortunately, last year’s top pick Russell Okung, has battled ankle injuries through much of his career, and the team’s first rounder this year, James Carpenter, has been unable to earn a starting spot on the offensive line.

Defensively, the team has gotten younger and more athletic in the secondary, while bringing in some effective, if not great, defensive linemen.  With the return to health of Red Bryant, it’s not impossible that this is an above-average defense.

The most likely scenario is that Jackson struggles, and is possibly replaced midseason by Whitehurst, who will probably do the same.  Even an improved defense will do little to bail out an offense that can’t move the ball, and the team may be dead in the water by mid-November.  However, if Jackson does show signs of improvement, if the young offensive line can provide protection and some push in the running game, it’s possible the Seahawks could remain in the hunt for another dubious Division Title.  Whatever the case, at the very least they’ll remain more flexible at the quarterback position than any other team in the division, meaning that if an opportunity arises in the 2012 draft, they’ll be better suited to take it than the Cardinals, Rams, or 49ers.

Bigger Than Ever: A 2011 NFL Preview

Posted: September 7, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, NFL, psychic abilities

It seems like more teams than ever could win the Super Bowl this year. And it’s not like there aren’t any good teams. It’s just that there’s so many good teams. Then there are the question marks. How long will Peyton Manning be out? Will Mark Sanchez or Sam Bradford make The Leap? Most importantly, will I ever hook up with a cheerleader? All of your questions and more will be answered in the official division-by-division Rainman Suite 2011 NFL Preview. Feel free to wager thousands of dollars on it. Teams with an asterisk are Wild Cards.

AFC

East
1. New England Patriots (12-4)
2. New York Jets (9-7)*
3. Miami Dolphins (6-10)
4. Buffalo Bills (5-11)

Stone’s take: The Pats won’t be as unstoppable as they were last year but the Jets will still struggle to score points. Expect them to lose one or two games they should win.

North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (13-3)
2. Baltimore Ravens (10-6)*
3. Cleveland Browns (8-8)
4. Cincinnati Bengals (3-13)

Stone’s take: The Steelers bring it every year and the fact that they’ve been together for a while will help them after the lockout. The Browns should also improve as Colt McCoy continues to improve.

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It’s officially Week 1, kids. Time for some football. You never know what’s going to happen. Just like in this clip from Week 1 in 2009. Down 7-6 with the ball on the 13-yard line and 28 seconds left, Kyle Orton needed a miracle. And he got one. Who happened to be calling the game? Gus Johnson.

Dream Team Preview

Posted: September 6, 2011 by phanatic417 in Dream Team, football, NFL

The Dream Team.

Superbowl Contender.

Lombardi or Bust.

A lot has been made of the 2011 Eagles – the additions of Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, Jason Babin, Steve Smith, Vince Young, Ronnie Brown, and, of course, Nnamdi Asomugha (million of Philadelphians are still practicing that one) signaled to all national media outlets that it was time to over-hype and slather on crazy expectations for this year’s Birds.

But the Eagles certainly still have issues to contend with, most notably on the defensive side of the football.  With the exception of Trent Cole, there are no dominating pass rushers on the D-line and their linebacking crew has been decimated by injuries and player departures, spurring many questions in front of the now-lethal secondary.  This is in addition to a brand new defensive coordinator in Juan Castillo who has no experience on that side of the ball.

The offensive power is pretty solidified at this point and no one can really argue with the bevvy of top fantasy football options at the big positions: Vick at the helm with McCoy in the backfield, as well as weapons in front of them like DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin, Steve Smith and even Brent Celek and Jason Avant.  Will Vick shake off any lingering issues preventing him from being a top-notch QB?  We’ll see, but I certainly don’t miss Kevin Kolb and anyone who does is an idiot.  The O-line should improve as well with new offensive line coach Howard Mudd and some young blood from the draft.

Wildcard – the departure of David Akers, kicker and the highest-scoring NFL player of the past decade.  Eagles fans could sleep through most field goal attempts, but that comfort is long gone with newly-drafted kicker Alex Henery.

The fact of the matter is that the Eagles will be good this season, especially if they stay healthy.  They’ll probably win 11 games.  That will probably be good enough to win the NFC East this season.  Wonderful.  But the major question is still Vick, and him getting over that hump that prevents him from being brilliant all of the time.

And if we don’t go all the way this year, someone is getting a cheesesteak to the head.

Trivia Time: Football Edition

Posted: September 6, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, NFL, trivia

On Thursday, the NFL kicks off its 92th season. Fresh off a lockout, the sport is as popular as ever and is America’s pastime. Last year, the Green Bay Packers won their 13th World Title, most in the league. However, they were not one of the NFL’s original teams. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and you won’t get sacked. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

Which two franchises remain from the NFL’s inaugural 1920 season? (and a hint: it is not the New Jersey Generals)

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Jets Still Suck

Posted: August 30, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Giants, Jets, NFL

The Jets beat the Giants tonight 17-3 and I’m sure everyone on the Jets side of things is going to make a big deal about it, but they can shut their holes. The Giants moved the ball for the entire first half while the Jets scored with the help of a 70-yard kickoff return by Antonio Cromartie. This isn’t taking anything away from the Jets, but they had like two first downs in the first half. For the G-Men, it was the same old story. They stalled around the 30-yard line and couldn’t convert when it meant the most. The Jets got the W but we’re not going to know who the best team in New York is until December 24. I thought the Giants played better, but I’m sure Rexy won’t agree. It’s all a matter of perception.

Coach Taylor Has Nothing On This Guy

Posted: August 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, high school football, Texas

“You are going to witness how hungry, how focused, how tough, and how hungry we are to run right through your butts, right through you, and go all the way, starting with you, to go all the way to the State Championship!!!!!!”

I would say “clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” but this guy’s eyes look a little off-kilter to me. Apparently Sloth from The Goonies and Dick Butkus had a love child and he loves Texas high school football, and more specifically the Knox City Greyhounds. If you’re on the Greyhounds, how can you not be fired up for today’s summer scrimmage after watching Sloth Butkus’s speech? It doesn’t matter that they lost their last game 77-3. He has the charisma of Don Johnson and the persuasive power of Gen. Patton. Plus if you ever fumbled the ball, you know he would come to your house AND HE WOULD NOT BE HAPPY.

The production values of this video are phenomenal. The blanket hanging in the background says, “Do not fuck with the Knox City Greyhounds!” and the spin at the beginning looks familiar. It doesn’t matter that he refers to somebody as a “defensive tight end.” In fact, I think the Giants might have one of those this year. The important thing is that he’s yelling and the Knox City Greyhounds are the best team in the world! Forget about the Dream Team. In fact, I was surprised to find that our friend wasn’t originally from Philadelphia.

Can you imagine if the Greyhounds made it to the Title Game? We’re going to have to tie the big boy up in a chair underneath an abandoned restaurant with a couple of Baby Ruths. I love the enthusiasm especially for a scrimmage, so I’m adopting the Greyhounds as my official Texas high school football team. Good luck in the scrimmage today, boys, and let’s go Greyhounds!

Jabroni of the Week: Rex Grossman

Posted: August 14, 2011 by Keith Stone in Deadskins, football, jabronis, NFL, Rex Grossman

What is it with these guys named Rex? QB Rex Grossman went on the record saying that his Redskins were going to win the NFC East this year. I’m all for being optimistic, but when you make a guarantee there has to be a somewhat-realistic chance that the prediction is going to come true. I have a better chance of hooking up with Kate Upton than the Deadskins do of winning the division.

Forget about the fact that everyone is slobbering all over the Dream Team to go 19-0. The Giants and Cowboys are both underrated and have good chances in the East. The only way the Deadskins could win a division was if they were magically realigned to the NFC West. Even then, it’d be close. For sure, Washington isn’t terrible. They’re just not good. They made some decent free agent pickups (overpaid as usual) but ironically enough, their greatest weakness is the guy that made this crazy guarantee. Rex Grossman would have trouble leading a team to win the UFL, much less the toughest division in football. I’d buy an outside shot at a playoff berth, but NFC East Champs? You gotta be fucking kidding me. If the Skins win the NFC East, I’ll stand in the middle of Times Square wearing a burgundy and gold speedo and sing Hail To the Redskins.

Rexy, baby, I know you made the Super Bowl five years ago but that was because you had the best defense in the game. Plus the NFC sucked that year. This isn’t 2006. I like your confidence but come on. Nobody’s buying it. Not even the most optimistic Deadskins fan. Honestly, I didn’t even realize you were still in the NFL. Why don’t you worry more about completing more than 10 passes in a game and not about magical fantasies? And enjoy the 6-10 season. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

ESPN

I’m Down With JPP

Posted: August 14, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Giants, JPP, NFL

It’s not prudent to take too much out of the first preseason game, but Jason Pierre-Paul was off-the-hook against the Panthers. Two sacks, seven tackles, and a ton of pressure on the QB. Sure, it was only the preseason and it was the Panthers but if JPP really steps it up this season, the Giants’ D-Line is going to be better than ever.

The kid was a little lost in the beginning of last year but turned it on at the end. It was one of the underrated stories of 2010. Plus, now Osi knows he’s going to have to kick it into high gear and work even harder to keep his starting job. A little competition is good for everybody. Who cares if the Giants lost out on Plax, Smith, and Boss? They have three beasts who are going to attack the quarterback. Michael Vick is going to be running like a dog. It doesn’t matter how many cornerbacks get injured during training camp. I could play in the secondary with a can of PBR in my hand and the Three-Headed Monster would take care of everything. One gets tired, the next one comes in. Kinda like me with the ladies on a Saturday night.