I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s absolutely incredible. If Naked Gun 44 1/4 had a hockey scene, it would be this right here. Let’s hope these teams meet in the playoffs.
Archive for the ‘NHL’ Category
Three Fights In Three Seconds
Posted: March 20, 2012 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHLTags: Devils, fight! fight! fight!, hockey, NHL, Rangers
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Sean Avery Announces Retirement In Most Sean Avery Way Imaginable
Posted: March 13, 2012 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHLTags: hockey, NHL, Rangers, Sean Avery
Much-maligned Ranger Sean Avery publicly announced his retirement last night on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live, during a wildly entertaining and erratic appearance. Avery, who of course was not wearing socks, later dished about his obsession with Lionel Richie (whose daughter Nicole was also on the show), the Real Housewives, breast implants (“some are good, some are bad”), and yes, fashion. A lot of athletes come and go, but there will never be one as polarizing and unique as Sean Avery.
Trivia Time: Defunct Hockey Teams
Posted: March 8, 2012 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHL, triviaTags: hockey, NHL, trivia, WHA
You guys remember hockey? I hear the Rangers are doing pretty well this season. In fact, they’re absolutely crushing it at MSG going 22-7-2. Interestingly enough, the Rangers haven’t been the only pro hockey team to call the Garden home. It’s hosted two other teams, one in the NHL and one in the WHA, but none as popular as the Blueshirts. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and stay out of the penalty box. The answer, as always, is after the jump.
Which two major professional hockey teams other than the Rangers have played their home games at Madison Square Garden? (and a hint: it is not the Charlestown Chiefs or Hamilton Mustangs)
Jabroni of the Week: Douchebag Philadelphia Fans
Posted: January 8, 2012 by Keith Stone in jabronis, NHLTags: hockey, jabronis, NHL, Philadelphia Flyers, Philly sucks, Rangers, the fans
The Winter Classic was a success, referee controversy aside, as the spectacle was a sight to see for all hockey fans. However after the game, while going for celebratory cheesesteaks, a pair of Rangers fan buddies got into a conflict with a pack of Flyers fans. As a victorious visitor in enemy territory, you have to expect that you’re going to take a little shit. Apparently, the locals got a homeless guy who was washing windows to spray a little something on the Blueshirters. They obviously didn’t take well to it and that’s when things escalated. It was a Flyers fan who threw the first punch.
I’m all for shit-talking. When somebody wears rival colors in New York, I’m going to say something. But if it’s right after a loss, you take your medicine and keep your mouth shut. There’s no shit-talking after a loss. And yes, there are laws in America, even in Philadelphia. You can’t put your hands on somebody. OK, maybe you had a couple drinks and the Rangers fan said something about your mama. Fine. Once you and your posse get the guy, you can’t keep hitting him. That’s a coward’s move but I’m not surprised it happened in Philly. Then, it turns out that one of the Rangers fans is an off-duty cop and Iraq vet. He’s in the hospital.
Philly fans, babies, you can call yourself passionate all you want but you can’t fool me. You’re classless scumbags. Every time it seems like you bottom out, you sink even further. Booing Santa Claus. Vomiting on a kid. Booing Michael Irvin with a serious neck injury. Whoring yourself for World Series tickets. Booing Snooki. NOBODY BOOS SNOOKI. You can take your fourth-grade education and Rocky Balboa and shove it up your ass. The problem is you guys seem to enjoy causing trouble. You relish being the bad boy. In New York, we know what’s up. You can have your reputation, we’ll take the W’s. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.
Best of 2011: Stanley Cup Finals Game 7 Running Diary
Posted: December 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in Best of 2011, Boston Bruins, BOSTON SUCKS, hockey, NHL, running diary, Stanley Cup, Stanley Cup Finals, Stanley Cup Playoffs, Vancouver, Vancouver Canucks
It’s the end of the year so let’s look back at some of the best moments in The Suite (and give Stone a break). This was originally published on June 15 with the Stanley Cup hanging in the balance.
It’s time to finally, finally end hockey season. I’m coming to you live from the Rainman Suite with Charlie Sheen, Jenna Haze, Lanny Barby, Tiffany Taylor, Alexis Texas, and briefcase full of cocaine. OK, actually I have a belly fully full of Chinese food and a six-pack of Labatts. This game is huge. Neither team has won the Stanley Cup in nearly 40 years and Vancouver has never won it. Also, the last time they lost a Finals Game 7, there was a massive riot. As John Davidson would say, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh baby!” GAME 7!
8:02-We see the Stanley Cup make its grand entrance into the arena in a silver SUV. You’d think it’d be rolling in a Hummer limo or something.
8:03-Dan Patrick is hosting the pregame show because……………
8:04-Pierre McGuire interviews Patrice Bergeron who has a massive playoff beard. Yet another reason to love hockey. Playoff beards.
8:06-A Boston fan told Dan Patrick, “We didn’t lose to the British, and we’re not losing to British Columbia.” Those Bostonians are so clever.
8:11-There’s so much at stake tonight. If Boston wins, they’d have won every Championship in the past seven years. The last thing we need is those pink hat-wearing frontrunning douchebags to pull off the feat. Let the negative karma flow.
8:13-There’s an exterior shot of the arena. The streets are entirely packed. It’s only 5PM in Vancouver. It’s going to be wild tonight no matter what. Imagine leaving work and hitting that traffic. Did they even work today?
8:16-A guy in a tux sings the American national anthem. There’s a smattering of boos. Don’t boo the anthem, people.
8:17-They have a separate guy for “O Canada.” He’s a disheveled, fat man. I think he’s homeless.
8:18-My friend Naitch just showed up. He’s the only Canadian I know in New York. We are wearing identical shirts with the Canadian maple leaf on them from Bret Hart Appreciation Night at the Garden. He brought Tim Horton’s but I stopped short of hanging up a Canadian flag.
8:20-Naitch likes Pierre McGuire’s early intensity. He thinks he’s the best sideline reporter since Mike Adamle.
After the Atlanta Thrashers moved to Winnipeg earlier this year, but were forced to remain in the NHL’s Southeast Division because the schedule was already set, league realignment has been a priority. A reasonable person would think that Winnipeg could move into the Central Division and Nashville would take their place or Southeast. Or we could even get a little zany, move Winnipeg into the Northwest, Colorado into the Central, and Nashville into the Southeast. I’m no Christopher Columbus, but it seems fairly logical.
Well, the NHL decided to blow everything up and form four conferences, gracefully named Conference A, B, C, and D. Teams in the same conference would play each other five or six times a year, and have a home-and-home series with the other teams. Teams in the Western Conference that weren’t exactly in the West, like Chicago and Detroit, would have a lot less travel to do. However in the northeast, where teams aren’t so far apart, teams like Philly and Boston are only going to get to play each other twice a year.
Of course, the Rangers were placed in Conference D, which is basically the current Atlantic Division with the addition of Washington and Carolina. It’s already a tough division with the Penguins and historically solid Flyers and Devils. Throw in the Capitals and you have to compete with two of the league’s best teams on a regular basis. Even the Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup a few years ago.
I know it’s cool that Crosby and Ovechkin are going to be in the same conference, but does it really have to be the one the Rangers are in? The first two rounds of the playoffs are going to be played within the conference so it’s going to be really fun playing all those teams in the first and second round every year. If the Rangers can somehow escape, I’m sure they’ll have a ton of energy for the Semifinals. Of course, Florida and Tampa Bay were placed in a conference with all the eastern Canadian teams which makes a lot of sense. It’s going to take some getting used to but as long as they name the conferences after former players, I guess I’ll learn to live with it. May I suggest the Domi Conference?
WARNING HOCKEY FANS: Do not check out this website unless you have at least 30 minutes to kill. The Hockey Uniform Database has pretty much every (and I mean every) hockey uniform from the NHL over the past 90 years. Everything from the Islanders’ Gorton Fisherman design to the Montreal Maroons’ 1924 uniforms are represented along with detailed descriptions and explanations behind any changes. Ever wonder what Challenge Cup series jerseys looked like when NHLers took on the Soviets in 1979? Wonder no more. I don’t know who’s behind this website, but whoever he is can only be called a hero.
Olivia Munn: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum
Posted: November 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, hockey, NHL, Olivia Munn, Rangers
Brad Richards gets the Broadway Hat for this one. After he started dating his new girlfriend, Olivia Munn, the Rangers ripped off a seven-game winning streak to move to the top of the Atlantic Division. As we learned with Kate Hudson in 2009, having the right girl can help propel a team to Championship levels. Olivia appears to be a good luck charm of sorts. After dating/banging Brett Ratner, the director became became famous with huge hits in Rush Hour, Rush Hour 2, and, wait for it, Rush Hour 3. When he trashed her last week for revealing that he has a tiny dick, he promptly came under fire for making homophobic comments and resigned from directing the Oscars. Coincidence? I think not! Let’s just hope Brad is a little more well-endowed and keeps her around. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Worse Than the Ice Capades
Posted: November 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHL, Philadelphia Flyers, Tampa Bay Lightning
The neutral zone trap almost killed hockey in the mid-90’s because it was so boringly effective. After a series of rules changes, it had mostly gone the way of the mastodon and Jaromir Jagr’s mullet for the betterment of the sport. That is, until last Wednesday. Faced with the Tampa Bay Lightning’s 1-3-1 trap, the Flyers simply sat back in their own zone and refused to attack. The crowd was upset and the refs were so confused as to the legality of it, they had to consult Toronto. The Flyers’ stalling ways must’ve angered the hockey gods, though, and they lost the game in overtime 2-1, giving Lightning fans a happy and well-rested journey home.
I like physical, defensive, low-scoring games, but when you have a goal celebration as fucking awesome as this, you really need a more up-tempo scoring attack. As for the Flyers, you know how to beat the neutral zone trap? You stop being a pussy and attack it. Or fight. This is hockey after all.
This Kid Doesn’t Get the Broadway Hat
Posted: November 16, 2011 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHL, Rangers, the kids, Veteran's Day
The celebrate Veteran’s Day, the Rangers had the eight-year-old son of a veteran drop the first puck at Friday’s game. The kid did the best he could but appeared a bit confused about the protocol. Either he was nervous or somebody didn’t give him the rundown. You can’t leave the Captain’s hand hanging like that! At least Marian Gaborik seemed to get a kick out of it.
Rainman Suite 