Archive for the ‘Yankees’ Category

Young Man Wants Yankees Fan Alec Baldwin To Step It Up

Posted: August 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in Alec Baldwin, baseball, MLB, the fans, Yankees
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“Is it something to do with your hair!? Can your hair not be covered by a Yankees cap!?”

Michael LaPayower is an angry guy today. Not only did Mo Rivera blow a save in a 3-2 Yankees extra-inning loss last night, but he had to sit through several interminable New Era commercials featuring Alec Baldwin and John Krasinski. His problem isn’t that these commercials are superlame, it’s that Baldwin isn’t fanning up with some Yankee gear.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a fan, it’s that every person has their own way of showing their team pride. Some of us make music videos that parody songs sung by little girls. Others can sit at home and watch the game while discussing politics with the starlet you picked up in the Hamptons. It’s all good.

I know for a FACT that Alec Baldwin doesn’t wear a Yankees cap because he already has a tattoo of Babe Ruth’s face on his chest. How do you think he picked up Kim Basinger? If he ever wore a piece of Yankees memorabilia, he would explode from excessive swag. Now that’s what I call being a fan.

Get Me Felix

Posted: July 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Felix Hernandez, MLB, Yankees
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Another member of the slutty bartender club, Felix Hernandez, just pitched seven innings of one-run ball  against the Yankees. Can we trade for him already? With him and CC starting four out of seven games in a playoff series, it wouldn’t matter who the other pitchers are. Felix’s stats aren’t astounding but the Mariners are so shitty. If he was suddenly on a team that could actually hit in the middle of a pennant race, he would be rejuvenated. I know everyone is excited about all these prospects, but pitching is so flaky. Why take a chance with a youngster when you could have a sure thing? King Felix is like a Maserati and Banuelos, Montero and Betances are BMW’s. You like having them on the driveway, but they don’t compare to driving a Mas. Sell the farm.

Tropicana Field Is Still An Embarrassment

Posted: July 20, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB, Tampa Bay, Tropicana Field, Yankees
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Last night, Bartolo Colon was cruising along when Curtis Granderson lost the ball in the roof of Tropicana Field and a routine pop fly turned into a single. That opened up a two-run inning for Tampa Bay and they ended up winning 3-2. Again, it’s 2011. Why are we still losing the ball? This isn’t the Metrodome circa 1991. If the Devil Rays want to be a marquee team, they should fix this somehow. It’s not baseball at the highest level. If there’s a chance this could happen during the Playoffs, they should just play at a high school field. It’d be better than this place. And what’s with the rubber blasting up every time the ball hits the turf at the Trop? It’s like there’s a freaking geyser in the outfield.

Derek Jeter Can Do Whatever the Hell He Wants

Posted: July 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Derek Jeter, MLB, Yankees
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I’m watching the All-Star Game and they won’t stop talking about Derek Jeter not being there. Just being there. He wasn’t even going to play because of his calf injury. People literally just want him to show up and wave to the crowd. I understand that it would be nice for the entire league to celebrate the accomplishment of reaching 3,000 hits but he rushed his way back and played in every game in order to get there at Yankee Stadium. He needs some rest for the when the games really count. Let Jeter go to Miami and hit the beach with Minka.

Everyone treats the All-Star Game as some otherwordly event but it’s such a farce. And why is home-field advantage in the World Series still determined by the winner? Nobody plays hard. The game is being played in Phoenix. If it was at Wrigley or something special was happening, that’d be a different story. For a old guy like Jeter, the rest is more rewarding than the adulation.

The Canos Win the Home Run Derby

Posted: July 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Home Run Derby, MLB, Yankees
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In an event that was about five hours too long, Robinson Cano won the Home Run Derby with the help of his pitcher, his father Jose. Cano once again proved the superiority of the Yanks over the Red Sox as he beat Adrian Gonzalez and Fat Papi Ortiz. Cano beat Gonzalez in the finals 12-11 and those 12 home runs in the finals were a record. Overall, however, the Home Run Derby was a snooze. None of the marquee names participate so you get guys like Rickie Weeks competing. Even Rickie Weeks’s mom didn’t want to watch Rickie Weeks in the Home Run Derby. And when did Cano and Fat Papi become such good friends? It’s nice that all the Dominican players are cordial to each other but stop with the hugs, amigos. I like to think I live in a world where the Yanks and Sox vehemently hate each other.

Derek Jeter. 3,000 Hits. Wow.

Posted: July 9, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Derek Jeter, MLB, Yankees
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Who else but Derek Jeter could pull off what he accomplished today? 5-for-5. Game-winning RBI. And, oh yeah, his 3,000th hit. Here’s to you, Captain. Only 997 more to 4,000.

The A-Rod 3-Way

Posted: July 7, 2011 by Keith Stone in Alex Rodriguez, baseball, MLB, romance, Yankees
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A-Rod is unstoppable. Not only is the starting third baseman for the American League All-Stars leading the first place Yanks in batting, but he’s leading the team in hot celebrity 3-ways. Back in January, Alex Rodriguez and girlfriend Cameron Diaz were in Paris for Fashion Week. People Magazine reported that they had dinner with Tara Reid. For dessert, they all had some pie. For somebody with a rickety hip, A-Rod sure knows how to bang out the hits. Who says he’s not clutch? And who knew Cameron Diaz was such a freak hooking up with a Latin Adonis and a crack whore with big fake tits? I’d rather watch that than Bad Teacher.

Crazy Days and Nights

Why Is A-Rod Still Hanging Out With This Guy?

Posted: June 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in Alex Rodriguez, baseball, MLB, Yankees
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When Alex Rodriguez revealed that he had been using steroids, he said that his cousin Yuri Sucart had been supplying and injecting him. You would think that Cousin Yuri would be excommunicated from A-Rod’s life except for maybe Thanksgiving. Nope. Major League Baseball recently launched an investigation concerning Cousin Yuri’s sudden reappearance on the Yankees’ west coast swing. Luckily, the slugger was exonerated because Cousin Yuri is still allowed in public areas (aren’t we all?)

However, this raises an interesting question. Why is A-Rod still spending time with Cousin Yuri? Not only that but why is Cousin Yuri coming on road trips? Assuming he’s not a complete idiot and hasn’t resumed taking steroids, there is no need for Cousin Yuri to be hanging around the Yankees. Cousin Yuri tainted A-Rod’s baseball career SO KEEP HIM AWAY FROM THE BALLPARK!!!! Go out to dinner with him. Pay for his kids to go to college. Anything else.

But please, the Yankees are finally playing well. The last thing we need is controversy or suspicion, especially with Boston and all their ugly, ignorant fans coming into town and A-Rod nearing the all-time home run record. It’s not that A-Rod is stupid, he’s just supremely unaware. Maybe it helps him hit home runs, but somebody needs to keep A-Rod from continuously being in the news for the wrong reasons.

>Rivalry Video Weekend: Yanks vs. Sox

Posted: April 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Sox, Yankees
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The Yanks and 0-6 Sox meet for the first time this season over the weekend. There are a plethora of videos out there to commemerate the fact but I went out and picked the best two.

In one corner, Jack Donaghy and Jim Halpert face off over the phone. Alec Baldwin no doubt gets the best in this one (also NBC), while John Krasinski shows his true colors like Sgt. Slaughter joining forces with Saddam Hussein. Bonus points for Baldwin apparently turning into Jack Donaghy in real life.

In the other corner, Yankees superfan Michael LaPayower spoofs Rebecca Black’s Friday. The result is absolute genius. LaPayower gives a virtuoso performance despite suffering from voice immodulation.

Personally, I gotta take LaPayower on this one. KO in the ninth. I mean, he’s Fenway’s most wanted. I’m not going to go against him. The real question is: who ya got?

>Keith Stone Is Gonna Be A Daddy!

Posted: April 5, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, Sox, Yankees
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As soon as the papers go through, I am adopting this child. His dad ranks up there with Marvin Gay, Sr. and the guy in the Mamas & the Papas who had sex with his daughter. By the way, the Red Sox are 0-3.

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