Trivia Time: Wilt Scores 100

Posted: February 29, 2012 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA, trivia
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This week marks the 50th anniversary of Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point game against the Knicks. Not bad for someone who literally stood head and shoulders taller than the competition. By the end of the game, Chamberlain’s Philadelphia Warrior teammates were fouling the Knicks to get the ball back in the hands of the Dipper. A little cheap, but it still doesn’t diminish the magnitude of the accomplishment. However, only 4,124 fans were in attendance at the neutral site for one of the greatest nights in basketball history. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and Wilt’s corpse will make you 20,001. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

Where was Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point game played? (and a hint: it is not Flint, Michigan)

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The Knicks Are A Regular *NSYNC

Posted: February 29, 2012 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA
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At a fan event this week, Landry Fields belted out a surprise singing performance to Billionaire with a Knick twist. Who knew he had pipes like that? He’s a regular Justin Bieber. Iman Shumpert followed it up with a little freestyling. If Steve Novak was there, maybe he could have done classic Guns N’ Roses. He strikes me as the type of guy who would kill it doing Welcome to the Jungle on karaoke night. At least the Knicks could fall back on a Grammy if they don’t win the Title this year.

Bobby V Needs To Know His Role

Posted: February 28, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB
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Bobby Valentine came out firing shots at the Yankees today, namely at Derek Jeter’s flip play and A-Rod eating Jason Veritek’s glove in 2004. Forget about Veritek. Alex got bitched up that day, but you cannot downplay the significance of the Flip. Discussing the play, Bobby V said, “We’ll never practice that. I think [Jeter] was out of position and the ball gets [Giambi] out if [Jeter] doesn’t touch it, personally.”

I get that all he’s trying to do do is stir up shit but nobody, noooooooooooooooooooooobody, can downplay how important and clutch that moment was. It’s one of the greatest defensive plays in baseball history, not only because Jeter had the presence of mind to be in that spot but because he was physically able to catch and flip the ball so quickly. Did I mention that it was during the seventh inning of a 1-0 elimination game on the road right after New York was hit by the 9/11 attacks? How many players have the balls to do what Jeter did? And Bobby V is just plain wrong. There’s no way the ball gets there otherwise. Shane Spencer made a horrendous throw. Even Ramon Hernandez, who was in the on-deck circle said, “If Jeter doesn’t catch the ball, the ball hits me, that’s how far off the mark it was. Jeter made an unbelievable, heads-up play. Then he makes a great throw to boot. Unbelievable. The play saved them.”

I used to like Bobby V on the Mets. It was cute, the whole thing with the mustache, but this isn’t Queens anymore. The Red Sox finished last season in the most pathetic way imaginable, both on and off the field. You know what you do when you get smacked up? You shut up and you play. You don’t take unprovoked, inaccurate cheap shots about iconic moments that happened 10 years ago. What’s next? Is he going to say Babe Ruth didn’t call his shot? Last time I checked the Captain had 5 rings and Bobby V had none. Worry about beating the Devil Rays and Blue Jays, Bobby. Chill and have a drink. Oh wait, I forgot…

ESPN

Leslie Bibb: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum

Posted: February 28, 2012 by Keith Stone in dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum
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Leslie Bibb is starring in the new ABC show GCB. It looks terrible (well, unless you’re a chick) but Leslie can be my good Christian bitch any Sunday she wants. It’s not possible to get through Mass without coveting that ass. I’m breaking like three Commandments just looking at her. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

Stephen Hawking Is A Mack Daddy

Posted: February 28, 2012 by Keith Stone in celebs
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Hey, brilliant physicists need loving too. In what can only be described as the most unexpected news in a while (pretty much the exact opposite of Whitney Houston dying of a drug overdose), Stephen Hawking has been outed as a regular at Devore. What’s Devore? A place where the world’s greatest thinkers discuss philosophical and scientific quandaries that mankind has spent centuries trying to answer? Nope, it’s a sex club. The 70-year-old who’s confined to a wheelchair with Lou Gehrig’s Disease and speaks through a computer comes to the club on the reg with his nurses and assistants and heads to a special play room in the back while naked ladies grind on him.

This is great news. If anyone ever calls you immature or stupid for going to a strip club, all you have to say is, “But Stephen Hawking does it!” Validated. And props to Steve for still getting his (metaphorical) rocks off. There’s only so much time a person could spend studying space and atoms and time travel. Sometimes the only black holes you want to think about are when a chick named LaToya is bouncing on top of you. My only question is whether he uses the computer to talk to the girls. Imagine popping on top of an old paralyzed dude and hearing in that monotone computer voice: “PUT YOUR TITTIES IN MY FACE. OH YES. THAT IS GREAT.” Kinda turns me on.

Radar

What In the Name of 8-Pound, 6-Ounce Baby Jesus Is Going On Here?

Posted: February 28, 2012 by Keith Stone in NASCAR
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I wouldn’t have noticed this if it wasn’t on the front page of ESPN.com and I should be last person commenting about NASCAR, but isn’t this the most ridiculous and awesome thing you’ve ever seen? It’s like everything I’ve ever dreamed NASCAR should be. Now I know why rednecks camp out for days for this shit. Makes me want to throw on some jorts, drink a cooler of Natty Lights, and head down to Talladega. The best part is that it came out of nowhere. Juan Pablo Montoya is just chilling and driving around a bit when all of a sudden he loses control and slams directly into a truck with a jet engine that’s drying the track and creates a giant fireball? What are the odds of that happening? Probably the worst spot possible to start driving like an old Asian lady, bro. At least we know Larry the Cable Guy’s birthday wish came true.

Ryan Seacrest Just Covered In Kim Jong-Il

Posted: February 27, 2012 by Keith Stone in movies
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Ryan Seacrest seems amused for about one second until he realizes his thousand-dollar tuxedo is ruined, just ruined! That’s what happens when you invite a brutal dictator like Admiral Aladeen to the red carpet.

Jabroni of the Week: Angelina Jolie

Posted: February 26, 2012 by Keith Stone in jabronis
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I don’t mind attention whores. Lady Gaga is insane but somewhat entertaining. I don’t mind the holier-than-thou types like Matt Damon who always seem to be calling attention to a cause. But one thing I can’t stand are holier-than-thou attention whores. Angelina Jolie is their queen.

The slit in her Oscar dress is just so obvious. We all know she wants the attention. We get it. She has insane lips and a great body. She’s married to Brad Pitt. She travels the world and saves orphan babies of all races. Wasn’t it just a few years ago that her and Billy Bob announced on the red carpet that they were banging in the limo on the way over? How come nobody talks about that anymore? Matter of fact, wasn’t it a little strange that she was married to a redneck almost twice her age and they wore vials of each other’s blood around their necks? Or was that her and the brother that she made out with? This all happened not too long ago.

Angelina, baby, you’re hot. Just fucking get out of my face. I liked you in Tomb Raider but the rest of your movies look like absolute shit so I haven’t seen any since. Just because you traveled the globe doesn’t mean you know everything about the world’s ills. You can’t dress like a whore on the red carpet and be Secretary-General of the UN. Pick one. When the dean from Community is making fun of you at the Oscars, you may have an image problem.

The only thing that upsets me more is that nobody calls you out on your bullshit. Chicks adore you. They think you’re such a role model. All I know is that I don’t want my daughter wearing some old dude’s blood around her neck. And Brad Pitt is a dumbass. It’s great that you’re trying to help people but remember where you came from. Don’t hide the crazy slut that I know is still lurking inside of you. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

Is LeBron James Still An Eunuch?

Posted: February 26, 2012 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA
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Yepppppppppppp. Look, you have three options here:

A. Shoot a 3 and end the All-Star Game in the most badass way possible. If you miss, who cares? It’s the All-Star Game.

B. Drive to the basket. You probably can get a decent shot or get fouled, although you might get killed by your fellow players for allowing the game to go on any longer.

C. Pass the ball into traffic. This will not only reemphasize all the criticisms you’ve heard all year, but is a really bad play strategically. How is it that a guy like Jeremy Lin who’s played in like 15 games has the cojones to take a game-winning shot when all the attention is on him but the Queen passes like the puss that he is? It’s an exhibition game. Be a man and take control. It’s like Coach Jimmy McGinty says, “Winners want the ball in their hands when the game is on the line.” Not a surprise LeBron passed it.

Throwback: Chuck Norris vs. Joe Piscopo

Posted: February 26, 2012 by Keith Stone in videos
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“Ya didn’t say go, man. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready.”

Billed as a Karate Kid for the 90’s, Sidekicks was 100 times better if only because the central plot revolved around Chuck Norris. Not Chuck Norris playing a character. Chuck Norris as himself. With Jonathan Brandis (RIP!) playing the Daniel-san role, the plot is almost exactly the same, except that fake Daniel-san is obsessed with the man who can cure cancer with his tears (it’s too bad he never cries). When it comes time for the climactic tournament, fake Daniel-san’s team doesn’t have enough members. But that’s OK because Chuck Norris brought his gear and would gladly like to randomly compete in a karate competition. His opponent? Out of New Jersey, a svelte (chemically enhanced) Joe Piscopo, whose character might be the most cartoonish baddie in movie history, something like a cross between Elmer Fudd and Kim Jong-Il. Props to Joe for bringing subtlety and nuance to the role. Alas, he was no match for Chuck Norris.

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