Before he was WWF Champion The Miz, he was Challenge Champion Mike Mizanin, winner of Battle of the Seasons and The Inferno II. Who would have thought that he would go on to be in the main event at WrestleMania? It still pales in comparison to competing against Jeremy in the candle-holding Inferno.
Wrestling Video of the Week: The Miz Wins the WWF Title
Posted: August 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, Slobberknocker, The Miz, videos, wrestling, WWF0
Z-Bo Being Z-Bo
Posted: August 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, crime and punishment, NBA, NBA lockout, Z-BoWe’re officially at the point of the NBA lockout where players start getting into trouble and who better to lead us there than Z-Bo, Zach Randolph? Z-Bo’s night started out like anyone’s would on a cozy summer Friday: he chartered a cruise for him and his buddies. He met James Beasley on the cruise and invited Beasley over to his house, so Randolph could buy some weed from him. When the two couldn’t agree on the price, a couple of Z-Bo’s friends beat Beasley up and took the product. Their weapon of choice? Pool cues.
Z-Bo’s learning, though. He wasn’t physically involved with the assault so he’s likely not to face any trouble. Personally, I always haggle for price on my chartered cruises before I invite the drug dealer back to my place. Now that Z-Bo has set the bar, what other zany antics will the locked-out NBA players do next? Will Chris Andersen try flying off a bridge? Will Michael Beasley get a tattoo on his face that says, “I hate Commissioner Stern?” Will Eddy Curry go on a diet? Probably not on that one.
The Challenge: Rivals FINAL Power Rankings
Posted: August 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, MTV, power rankings, The Challenge, TV
Wow. That has to go down as the most intense competition in Challenge history. In fact, I’d say that the two-day event has to be up there with any athletic endeavor ever. Ultra-marathon? Fuck that. The Challenge: Rivals takes the cake. In the end, we also learned a valuable life lesson, that a real team is better than just the sum of its parts. Both Johnny/Tyler and Ev/Paula had put aside their past differences and supported each other and it helped them achieve the ultimate prize: $400 and a pair of Beats by Dr. Dre headphones. Just kidding. Now that the show is over, it’s only fair to rank all the teams in descending order. On to the rankings:
Guys
NO CHANCE IN HELL
9. Adam R.
Adam got sent home the first night for punching Ty. How did Ty get Adam riled up? He called him “guy.” I love the drunken erratic behavior but it needs to be a bit more focused next time. Go to counseling, bulk up, and we’ll hopefully see you soon.
8. Abram Pillow
7. Brandon & Ty
Ty is a horrible competitor. He’s weird, he never shuts up, and he hasn’t had sex for years because he doesn’t like the girls in Hollywood. What’s not to like, bro? Despite his imposing stature, he’s also horrible at the physical challenges. Brandon is small but he has a lot of heart and almost single-handedly sent Wes and Kenny home. He could be a force in the future.
6. Davis & Tyrie
This team never had a chance without the support of the rest of the cast and were the first guys team thrown into the Jungle and the first guys team eliminated. You gotta remember that this is more a social game than anything. At least Tyrie got it in. Am I the only one that can’t tell Ty and Tyrie apart? Can the producers stop bringing Ty back for this reason?
SHOULDA, WOULDA, COULDA
5. Kenny & Wes
Despite coming in second place and winning $50,000, these jabronis never stopped arguing and it cost them in the end. Their beef was more important than the competition. They squandered their huge athletic advantage and made boneheaded mistakes all throughout the Finals (putting shards of anything in your sock is not a good idea). Kenny was off all season and Wes never stopped letting him hear it. Too bad he was completely underwhelming in the Finals. Being mean to Cara Maria for no reason didn’t help matters either.
4. Evan & Nehemiah
Another team with chemistry problems. By the end of their stay, they weren’t even talking to each other. It’s a shame they left so early because Nehemiah is a strong competitor and Evan is hilarious. He and Kenny need to host the Jersey Shore after-show or something. Evan also probably would have done great during the eating portion of the Finals.
3. Mike Mike & Roy Lee
The rookies surprised everyone this season by making it to the Finals. Of course, they weren’t as strong as the other teams. That’s why they made it so far. Still, they played the game well and made friends along the way. Mike Mike finally got a girl and gives the show much-needed levity while Roy Lee may have been the most under-the-radar player. Make no mistake, he’s a strong dude and he likes to party. Expect a breakout season next time around.
THE REAL DEAL
2. Adam & CT
The beast CT was the most compelling cast member. He straddled a thin line between maniac and intellectual, and managed to create relationships in the house without getting too deep into alliances, which bogs the game down. He also did not rip anyone’s face off. It’s too bad we didn’t get to see what he could have done in the Finals. He’ll have to work on climbing rope ladders up helicopters. Adam didn’t slow CT down until the final Jungle, but when he did it cost them. Gotta know the rules of the game! At least he got a piece of the lovely Jenn with 2 n’s.
1. Johnny Bananas & Tyler
Johnny finally redeemed himself after being humiliated by CT last season and Tyler won his second Challenge in a row. Most importantly, they put their personal problems behind them and helped each other reach greater heights. They persevered against CT, the mountain, and everyone else. They are true champions.
Sluts
BACK TO THE WHOREHOUSE
7. Jasmine & Jonna
This team was horrible, especially the annoying Jasmine. Although they impressively won a Jungle, they did a horrible job playing the game, complained too much, and Jasmine was out of control with the tantrums. These girls are too tiny to ever put up numbers on The Challenge. They need some performance-enhancing implants. Also, didn’t Jonna used to look a lot cuter?
6. Camila & Theresa
These geniuses thought they could pretend to quit to psych out their opponents in the Jungle. It didn’t work. It’s a good thing they’re both pretty hot and hotheaded.
5. Aneesa & Robin
These girls are normally pretty strong and volunteered to go into the first Jungle to take out Ev and Paula. It didn’t work. Sometimes it pays to vote yourself into an elimination but most of the time it doesn’t.
BITCH GOES DOWN
4. Katelynn & Sarah
I love Sarah. She’s everything you could ask for on The Challenge, but for the life of me why does Katelynn continue to be on these shows when she doesn’t want to do any of the activities? Does she think she’s going to win because everyone is going to quit? Her spot could be given to somebody with a better chance of winning. Like Shauvon.
3. Jenn with 2 n’s & Mandi
This is the team Jasmine and Jonna should strive to become. They’re fun party girls that take their clothes off, hook up, and get into fights, but somehow don’t let it get too out of hand. Of course, they’re not the best at physical competitions. At least Jenn with 2 n’s is feisty. I’m excited to see how Mandi will perform with her new implants.
QUEEN B’S
2. Cara Maria & Laurel
Laurel is a specimen. So is Cara Maria, just in a different way. Laurel remained as bitchy as ever, but she did manage to forge a bond with Cara Maria. These girls came so close to winning but I think Cara Maria would have pulled it out if she had her horse and her Abram.
1. Evelyn & Paula Walnuts
Paula won a Challenge! Paula won a Challenge! It’s like my mom always says, “Eighth time is a charm.” Looks like the veteran of the backstab just needed a partner who was a friend. Who would’ve thought it was Evelyn? Like Johnny and Tyler, these girls used their newfound friendship to their advantage and overcame the mighty Laurel. Ev has always been a great competitor and Paula can finally hold her head high as she heads back to the party circuit and shows Dunbar’s little brother her tits.
The Challenge: Rivals Finale Running Diary
Posted: August 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, running diary, The Challenge
The stage is set. Three teams each from the guys and the girls took on an enormous mountain with $100,000 going to the winners and nothing for the losers. JoshyBananas, SnatchWalnuts, and BoozySleazy joined me in the Suite for this momentous occasion. Here’s what transpired.
9:57-Farrah from Teen Mom is hot. I need to start watching that show.
9:59-They play a preview of the finale. Looks like it’s going to be crazier than we expected. The mountain is huge and for some reason, they’re camping out in the wilderness. Oh, and puking.
10:03-The competitors are going to have to carry a heavy concrete ball with them the whole time. That’s not going to be fun. Ev and Paula struggle with theirs while Laurel picks it up like a volleyball. Cara Maria wants to name it “Rocky.” Good to know she’s focused. Rocky should date the Abram pillow.
10:04-Johnny Bananas and Tyler finish canoeing a bit behind Kenny and Wes. They change from their wetsuits into running outfits. Somehow a bandana appears out of nowhere for Bananas to wear. As Tim Gunn would tell you, “It’s all about the accessories.”
10:05-The kids have to memorize a campsite setup down to the smallest detail for later in the game. It’s Mike Mike’s time to shine!
10:07-The next activity involves moving dirt from a pile into a trough. Looks like the producers figured out a way to have somebody do their chores for them. This is the smartest idea since Mr. Miyagi made Daniel-san paint his fence and wax his car.
Cara Maria: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum
Posted: August 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Cara Maria, Challenge Week, dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, The Challenge
Cara Maria Sorbello has two loves in life: her horse and her boyfriend, Abram. She’s a bit of a flake but she’s managed to make it to the Finals of Rivals. She’s actually quite hot but she’s one of the few chicks on the show that doesn’t get consistently blasted and starts taking her clothes off and start hooking up. It’s a shame. She’s got a great bod. She also likes to dress in leather and use her whip on anyone who’s been naughty. Better watch your back, Wes. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
I stumbled upon a video today with the title “Sophisticated Gangbang,” which begs the questions: what exactly is a sophisticated gangbang? From what I could tell it seemed like a pretty standard gangbang except that the chick was wearing a pearl necklace (an actual pearl necklace, not semen). I guess I was kind of expecting a gangbang where the participants were discussing Shakespeare while they were eating tea and crumpets. Kinda disappointing. Let’s all try to properly title our porn, people.
Trailer Park: The Challenge
Posted: August 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, Trailer Park, videosIn The Challenge, Mary Kate and Ashley play sisters who hate each other yet unwittingly end up on the same game show on a tropical island to win scholarships. That’s crazy! One loves to eat, the other is a vegetarian! One loves nature, the other hates nature! That’s crazy! And they both fall in love with older-looking guys while competing! That’s crazy! Now I know why they became such big movie stars.
Well, it’s not like Germany has ever violated anyone’s civil liberties before. The German state of Schleswig-Holstein has deemed Facebook’s “Like” button illegal because the company gets too much personal data from users that “Like” stuff. State Data Protection Commissioner Thilo Weichert contends ordered government entities to remove their fan pages and “Like” buttons. To that I say, “Mr. Weichert, put back those ‘Like’ buttons.”
Facebook says they’ve done nothing wrong and in fact their standards are pretty much the same for every tech companies. I’ve never understood this big hullabaloo about privacy on Facebook. If you don’t want people to know that your hobbies are “Neo-Nazism and hooliganism,” then don’t put “Neo-Nazism and hooliganism” as your hobbies. Who the fuck cares if you “Like” schnitzel and Rammstein?
Chris Bosh Molested By the Dad From The Wonder Years?
Posted: August 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Chris Bosh, Melo, NBA, TV
Chris Bosh and Carmelo Anthony have signed on to play themselves on an upcoming episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. The episode, appropriately titled “Personal Fouls,” follows a coach that is suspected of doing bad things to former players. That coach will be portrayed by Dan Lauria, Kevin’s dad from The Wonder Years, in a role he was born to play. Not too many details have been released beyond that, but we can assume that the plot will revolve around how Bosh’s failures this season lead him to finally tell the truth about dirty old Coach Arnold. Carmelo, being the knight in shining armor that he is, will most likely be there to support someone in need. NBC isn’t going to be last in the ratings after this!
Jenn With 2 N’s: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum
Posted: August 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in Challenge Week, dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, Jenn with 2 n's, The Challenge
Jenn with 2 n’s, or Jenn Grijalva if you’re not cool like me, is what every other girl on The Challenge should aspire to be. She’s athletically competitive, will hook up with any guy or girl on a whim, and isn’t afraid to get into a fight at the drop of a hat after a night of drinking. Plus, great fake tits. She should be on the show every season. You never know what’s she’s going to do and that’s what makes it so damn exciting. I simultaneously want to hook up with her and have her punch me in the face, all while we’re dangling 30 feet over a lake. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Rainman Suite 