Kate Mara is the princess of the Mara football dynasty. Her big moment came in 2005 when she sang the national anthem at the game after her grandfather, Wellington, died. She nailed it and the Giants went on to win 36-0. By all accounts, she a legit fan. I would be too if my great-grandfather founded the team. Kate’s a pretty good actress as well. She was solid on Entourage and great on American Horror Story playing a jilted mistress in both real life and the afterlife. People may fawn over little sister, Rooney, but I’d want Kate as the tight end of my team. Is there any way she can do the anthem on Sunday? Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Archive for the ‘football’ Category
Kate Mara: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum
Posted: February 2, 2012 by Keith Stone in dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, football, NFLTags: dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, football, Giants, Kate Mara, NFL, Super Bowl, Super Bowl XLVI
Sister Groupie
Posted: February 2, 2012 by Keith Stone in football, NFLTags: football, Giants, Mark Herzlich, NFL, NFL Playoffs, Super Bowl, Super Bowl XLVI
Everyone knows that one of the perks of being a football player is the ladies. Well, Giants linebacker Mark Herzlich met a special one indeed. Over the years, Herzlich has developed an unlikely bond with a 70-year-old nun in Indiana after she read about his battle with cancer while at Boston College. It’s an incredible story featured in the Daily News and definitely worth a read.
Trivia Time: Super Bowl XLII (Part II)
Posted: February 2, 2012 by Keith Stone in football, NFL, triviaTags: BOSTON SUCKS, football, Giants, New England Patriots, NFL, Super Bowl, trivia
We’re days away from the Rematch of the Century, so why not spend some more time reminiscing about the past? Super Bowl XLII was a battle of attrition. After the Patriots scored a touchdown on the first play of the second quarter, neither team scored until the final frame. That’s not to say the game didn’t have its share of big plays. That brings us to the Question of the Week. Get it right and a Gatorade shower is in your future. The answer, as always, is after the jump.
What was the longest play of Super Bowl XLII? (and a hint: it’s not what you think)
Look, I hate to rub things in. OK, that’s a lie. I still want to rub rock salt on the festering wound of the 2011 Jets season. I’m watching Dustin Keller on SportsCenter and it’s amazing people are still talking about the Jets. Their season ended a month ago and somehow it was so bad, it’s still in the news.
LaDainian Tomlinson is going on Inside the NFL and airing his dirty laundry. Revis Island is talking to the press about how toxic the locker room was and how nobody did anything to stop it. More and more unnamed sources and former players are coming out and saying that Mark Sanchez has been babied by the organization and Peyton Manning should be pursued as hard as possible. Former Jet and current Giant Steve Weatherford is getting the last laugh for being criticized and unceremoniously dumped last year after a good season. The list goes on and on.
The Jets have a real problem now. Who is going to want to come aboard this ship? The whole Rex schtick was fun at first but when a guy like him loses, eventually the inmates start running the asylum. You know things are bad when even he is admitting that he didn’t have the pulse of the team. Unfortunately, there’s no way he can magically become a hardass overnight.
Saying that you won’t have captains anymore doesn’t accomplish anything. With the lack of leadership last year, it’s a wonder they even had captains. The real solution is to dump the players that caused trouble and try to start relatively fresh. Of course, the team has already announced that both Santonio Holmes and Sanchez are coming back. The Jets always wanted to be the talk of the town. Now, even with the Giants in the Super Bowl, they’re still managing to make noise.
Jabroni of the Week: Chris Christie
Posted: January 29, 2012 by Keith Stone in football, jabronis, NFLTags: Chris Christie, football, Giants, jabronis, New Jersey, NFL, NFL Playoffs, Suber Bowl XLVI, Super Bowl
Twice this weekend while I was rocking my Eli Manning jersey, people felt the need to remind me that the Giants play in New Jersey. I don’t know if they were just haters or wanted to convert me to a Bills fan, but it’s a moot point. The Giants are my team whether they play in New York, Jersey, or go back to the Yale Bowl. Let’s face it, though. They’re a New York team. When they won the Super Bowl in 2007, there was a parade down the Canyon of Heroes and a rally at Giants Stadium. Fair enough. However, when New Jersey governor Chris Christie was on the Today Show, he said he wanted any possible victory parade to be held in New Jersey since that’s where they play and train. Did I mention that Christie is a Jets fan?
I actually like the guy. He’s a big talker but he can back it up, and he’s probably the most viable republican presidential candidate despite choosing not to run. He’s stood up against anyone that gets in the way of accomplishing his goals. In that way, he’s a little like Eli Manning. Christie needs to know his role here. Sure, I’m a little biased against parades in New Jersey, but going from the Canyon of Heroes to the Canyon of Hobos in Newark is about as big of a dropoff as Christina Aguilera in 2003 to today.
Chris, baby, I know you’re still a little torn up about about this whole Jets collapse. Losing to the Giants on Christmas Eve probably didn’t help, but don’t be a sore loser. One day your team will have its day in the sun [tries to stifle laughter]. Don’t bring any negative attention to my G-Men. When you and Rex bring home the title at the Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, then you can have your beloved New Jersey parade. Champions do it in the Canyon of Heroes. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.
WEEK 17 Picks: Win or Go Home?
Posted: December 31, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFLWEEK 17 is always the most impossible week to make picks. The NFL did a good job making every team play a divisional rival and making sure teams are playing at the same time as other squads close to them in the standings. Still, does anyone know how much the Texans are going to bring with the 3-seed locked up? What about the Packers? Is Aaron Rodgers going to be worrying more about the Lions or photobombing the captains’ picture? Even teams like the Dream Team. They’re really playing well but a loss would ensure a decent draft pick and easier schedule. You would think these guys would have enough pride to give it all they’ve got, but I’d be thinking about hitting the links too if I was on a 5-10 team. Gamble at your own risk. Picks!
REDSKINS AT DREAM TEAM (-8.5)
Stone: Dream Team
Finally showing their true potential.
Slumdeezy: Dream Team
Rory: Redskins
DP Animal: Redskins
Phanatic: Dream Team
Last time to show their Dream Team potential now that it’s too late.
49ERS (-10.5) AT RAMS
Stone: 49ers
The Rams are the worst team in the NFL. It would be a bummer if they didn’t get the #1 pick.
Slumdeezy: Rams
Rory: 49ers
DP Animal: 49ers
Phanatic: Rams
Lions Fan So Excited About the Playoffs He Gets Hit By A Bus
Posted: December 28, 2011 by Keith Stone in Detroit Lions, Detroit Rock City, football, hit by a bus, NFLWhen the Giants won the 2007 NFC Title, I was so excited I jumped on top of a table in my apartment. I’m possibly the least athletic person alive so there was serious threat of injury. I could have hurt my knee or faceplanted but I was so excited I didn’t care. I like to think it was the same situation when a 21-year-old guy in Detroit was killed when he ran in front of a bus after the Lions clinched their first playoff spot in 12 years with their 38-10 win over the Chargers on Sunday.
I don’t want to make light of anyone’s death but that’s some way to go out, huh? You know the Lions were bad when their fans are so excited about making the playoffs that they’re completely disregarding their own safety. Personally, I would have waited until they advanced to the second round before I ran in front of a bus, though. Unless it was the Booty Bus.
WEEK 82 – Kings of New York
Posted: December 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 Giants, football, Giants, Jets, NFLGiants 29, Jets 14
The Giants do not make anything easy, but I’ll take it. This game wasn’t so much about the bragging rights but making it to WEEK 17. With that said, SUCK IT REX YOU DISRESPECTFUL FAT BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!! Could this game have gone any worse for the Jets? They played about just as well as the Giants but looking at the final score, you wouldn’t have thought it was close. The Giants made all the big plays and for all his bluster, Rex Ryan came out with a horrible game plan. Sanchez wasn’t doing anything so why have him throw when you’re down by 3? He was really, really bad. I catch parts of Jets games sometimes and I know he sucks, but he was horrible. Statistically, Eli was about even but all anyone is going to talk about is that 99-yard TD, which was pretty much all Victor Cruz. And how about Victor Cruz? What did the Jets ever do to him? He went for 3 TD’s against them in the preseason last year and now the longest pass play in Giants’ history. Cruz has to be the MVP of the season, right? He came out of nowhere to solidify the passing game and has made big plays in big spots all season. And to think, he was on his mom’s health insurance during the lockout to save money. I don’t think he’s going to have to worry about that anymore.
Again, I wasn’t a huge fan of Gilbride’s playcalling. Hakeem Nicks was stuck on Pass Interference Island and the Jets secondary shut down the other receivers for the most part, so why not run the ball more? Also, Bradshaw and Jacobs need to run straight ahead. When they go to the outside, it seems like they’re always stopped before the line of scrimmage. If they run into the line, at least they’ll pick up a few yards. Of course, after recovering that fumble in the end zone to seemingly extinguish the Jets’ chances, a pass play was inexplicably called that was promptly intercepted. The offensive line looked shaky at first but held together. This Baas situation is tricky. I feel like they play better without him but he was the big free agent signing in the offseason. I don’t know if he sucks or is just trying to play through injury but I hope he has a short leash next week.
See kids, the moral of the story is when you talk shit, you might fall face first in a pile of it. The Jets are a very good team. Their real downfall is Sanchez. If they had a somewhat competent quarterback (think Matt Ryan), they should be competing for the 1-seed in the AFC. They had a chance to make a game-winning drive from the 50-yard line and they couldn’t even get a first down. Why does their coach publicly guarantee a Super Bowl victory seemingly every time he opens his fat mouth?
Here’s the secret, Rex: it only makes the other teams want to beat you more. The added pressure isn’t a good thing for a young QB that likes to throw the ball when the receivers aren’t looking. Now the entire city is taking shots at you, especially our own loudmouth, Brandon Jacobs, and there’s nothing you could do about it. You’re not the headline, you’re the punchline. The Jets are on the way, way outside looking in and you’re still talking your bluster, saying you’d play the Giants anytime, any place. You’ll have your shot in 2015, big boy. Giants Stadium.
Best of 2011: Same Old Quarterback
Posted: December 25, 2011 by Keith Stone in Best of 2011, football, Jets, NFL, SanchizeIt’s the end of the year so let’s look back at some of the best moments in The Suite (and give Stone a break). In honor of Mark Sanchez’s epic stinkbomb against the Giants, here’s a look at the quarterback from a skeptical Jets fan. This was originally published on November 19 by my prophetic buddy Ben after a tough Jets loss to the Broncos.
Football Fans, New Yorkers, and Jets Fans! hear me for my
cause, and be silent, that you may hear: believe me
for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that
you may believe: censure me in your wisdom, and
awake your senses, that you may the better judge.
If there be any in this assembly, any dear friend of
Sanchez’s, to him I say, that Ben’s love for Sanchez
was no less than his. If then that friend demand
why Ben rose against Sanchez, this is my answer:
–Not that I loved Sanchez less, but that I loved
the Jets more. Had you rather Sanchez the franchise and
die without having tasted Super Bowl glory, than Sanchez gone, and we live
with the hope of championships? As Sanchez loved Jets fans, I weep for him;
as he was fortunate, I rejoice at it; as he was
talented, I honour him: but, as he was an awful NFL quarterback, we fans slew him.
There is tears for his love; joy for his
fortune; honour for his efforts; and death for his lack of accuracy and field sense.
Who is here so base that would be a
bondman? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
Who is here so rude that would not be a Jets fan? If
any, speak; for him have I offended. Who is here so
vile that will not love his team? If any, speak;
for him have I offended. I pause for a reply.
—Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, with slight edits for the situation
I went to bed at 2 AM Thursday night.
I didn’t intend to do that. But when the Jets lost night, I cursed, I punched the air and I think I freaked out my sweet and thankfully very understanding girlfriend. I called an audible and decided it was best not to go to bed at that moment. I was too angry.
It was an anger borne out of frustration. It was an anger borne out confusion. And in the end, it was anger borne out of a realization, the realization that the Jets are never going to be more than a decent team with Mark Sanchez at quarterback.
Coach bravado can only get you so far when you can’t throw five yard slant when and where it should be.
For a brief moment, I felt jealous of Broncos fans. Tim Tebow is a terrible NFL quarterback. He will almost certainly always be a terrible NFL quarterback. He can’t throw. He can’t read pass coverages. But right now, at least there’s always the small chance that he’s something more.
Then I pitied them, because they, like us Jets fans were, will be suckered in by the brief but exciting moments moments of glory. When a QB leads your team back from the brink, it’s only natural to forget that the QB put your team there by bad turnovers, or in Tebow’s case, such inept play that the Broncos only had two sustained drives on the evening- and only came away with three points in four drives starting in Jets territory.
But the heroic moments do stop coming because eventually the other parts of the team covering up for the three quarters of bad play can’t hold back the deluge any more. And when that flood comes, you realize that you’ve spent three years watching the suck with no hope that it’s going to change any time soon.
There’s no worse feeling in the world than knowing the guy you’re playing will never be the franchise quarterback. When that happens, anyone looks better. Tebow. David Garrard, who couldn’t cut it in Jacksonville and who has a broken back. Tyler Thigpen- if Tebow can have the option, why not Thigpen the pistol? Greg McElroy. Yeah, he’s on IR and yeah, he has a weaker arm than Chad Pennington did after two shoulder surgeries. But we don’t know for certain he can’t be like Tom Brady.
Not like Sanchez. We now know he’s just like all the rest of them, the rest of those maligned QBs who donned the Jets’ green.
It’s an ugly history. Though it didn’t start with Joe Namath, it might as well have. And that must have been great for four years. Unfortunately it didn’t end well with him, nor did it ever for the men who followed.
But at least for four years, Broadway Joe was special. Richard Todd was never anything special, though he did get to an AFC Championship game, which the Jets lost to the Dolphins. Ken O’Brien was special, in 1985. Then he remembered what team he played for.
Browning Nagle never forgot.
Boomer Esiason and Neil O’Donnell were attempts to take someone else’s star and make them your own. But not all “stars” are created equal. Our solar system couldn’t be maintained with a red dwarf. Neither could the Jets offense, and that was before Bruce Smith knocked Esiason out for the season.
There was Glenn Foley and then there was Vinny Testaverde, who had the greatest year a Jets quarterback had since Kenny O. There was another AFC Championship game. But the Broncos wounded the dreams then and Week 1 of 1999 killed it. Not even the Tuna could bring the Jets to the promised land. Bill Belichick couldn’t even be bothered. For that matter, neither could Peyton Manning.
Stop for a second. The Jets could have had Peyton Manning, if he had declared early for the draft in 1997. Parcells promised to take him first overall if he came out. They could have had Bill Belichick as their head coach. He was the Grover Cleveland of Jets coaches, taking the reigns for brief periods on two non-consecutive occasions. The greatest quarterback and the greatest coach. Together?
Instead we were left with something that was just sad.
There was Chad Pennington, the thinking man’s quarterback, paired with Herm Edwards, who was not the thinking man’s coach. Pennington might have been one of the smartest men in football, but he never developed the cybernetics necessary to keep his rotator cuff healthy. It was a tragedy. But I bet he can call a better game than Brian Schottenheimer. In fact, I’m pretty sure his 2006 season is the only reason anyone thinks Schotty is a competent coordinator.
What about Kellen Clemens you ask?
He was never in any condition to play.
Of course there was the Brett Favre fun bag. Think Esiason or O’Donnell, with the media hype turned up by a million. The only joy to come out of that trainwreck was seeing Pennington beat Favre on the last day of the season. Chadwick will never be anyone’s franchise ever again, but at least he sent Favre on his miserable way.
Which brings us to Mark Sanchez, no longer worthy of “The Sanchez” moniker. We all know the background. We know the success.
But the success was never his. In the past Jets quarterbacks who had their brief moments have been the cause of that moment. Pennington was amazing in 2002. Vinny was never better than 1998. And Ken O’Brien wasn’t Marino in 1985, but he was better than John Elway or Jim Kelly.
Yet Sanchez has never been that. He’s never been the guy. We wanted him to be. We wanted to believe he could be. It was the one place the Jets could get better. Their defense was already great. Revis Island is still a place receivers fear being stranded.
Yet they could be no better. In fact they would get worse as the defense aged. Only Sanchez could change the course by becoming the franchise quarterback. He beat Brady in New England in January. If he did that, was it really too much to ask?
But then, was it too much to ask that 1985 not be the high water mark of O’Brien’s career? Or was it too much to ask Testaverde to actually learn that throwing the ball into triple coverage was a bad thing? And was it really too much to ask that Pennington’s shoulder not be held together by toilet paper?
Yes, yes it was.
Around 1 AM, after killing my brain with games of solitaire, I couldn’t even bring myself to play NCAA Football, I came to the sad realization that I was angry because I thought I had left this behind. The Jets were supposed to be different. Rex Ryan changed the culture they said. And he did. He had the players believing. He had the fans believing. There would be hiccups. But they would be champions. Eventually.
Last year after the Patriots loss, I was disappointed. I didn’t necessarily think they’d make the AFC Championship game- but the Jets were changing. So in 2011, after beating the Patriots in the playoffs, after coming so close to storming back against the Steelers, I was ready to believe.
But by 1:30 AM Thursday night, that belief was shattered. It really was the same old Jets. The team that will piss away opportunities against terrible opponents. That will lose to shit bag quarterbacks because they’ve got a shit bag of their own. The team that, at it’s finest, will build you up just to tear you down. The team that just isn’t winning a championship this year.
That last one isn’t the end of the world. I dealt with that last year and the year before.
The team isn’t winning a championship next year or the year after that either.
That’s something I didn’t want to remember how to feel. That’s something I hoped we had moved past. But why would this end any differently, when the dreams of championships as a Jets fan are always brief? They’re also vivid and memorable, but that just makes it all the worse.
By 2 AM, two things had become perfectly clear. One Mark Sanchez is no more a franchise quarterback than Todd, Pat Ryan, O’Brien, Nagle, Esiason, Bubby Brister, O’Donnell, Frank Reich, Foley, Testaverde, Rick Mirer, Ray Lucas, Pennington, Patrick Ramsey, Brooks Bollinger, Clemens or Favre.
The second thing I had come to grips with was the Jets aren’t winning the Super Bowl any time soon.
And I fell asleep.
WEEK 16 Picks: Eve of Annihilation
Posted: December 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, Happy Holidays, NFLI hope nobody made any bets last week, especially using our picks. When Phanatic goes 12-4, you know it’s a weird week. The Giants, Jets, and Ravens games were especially vexing. All three teams are in prime position for a playoff spot and nobody came to play. At least the Jets and Ravens were playing contenders. The Deadskins earned their nickname for a reason. As much as you feel confident about a pick, like I did with the Giants over the Skins, you never know when you’re going to get a lump of coal in your stocking. You can only be so lucky. Let’s hope this isn’t a sign of things to come. Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicks!
RAIDERS AT CHIEFS (-2.5)
Stone: Chiefs
It’d only be right.
Slumdeezy: Raiders
Rory: Raiders
Who can figure out this division anymore? I’ll just take the points.
DP Animal: Raiders
Phanatic: Raiders
BRONCOS (-2.5) AT BILLS
Stone: Broncos
Remember when the Bills were good all those many, many days ago?
Slumdeezy: Broncos
Rory: Broncos
TEBOW!
DP Animal: Broncos
Phanatic: Broncos











