Trivia Time: America Edition

Posted: July 6, 2011 by Keith Stone in trivia, U!S!A!
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America turned 235 years old this week. The Declaration of Independence was adopted on July 4th, 1776 and told King George III to go shove it. More specifically, it outlined the rights that the Continental Congress believed were universal for all men (white men) including life, liberty, and te pursuit of happiness. That brings us to our Question of the Week. It’s a doozy. Get it right and I won’t send you back to England. The answer as always is after the jump.

Whose signature appears last on the Declaration of Independence? (and a hint: it is not Benedict Arnold’s)

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Do Not Mess With Facebook

Posted: July 6, 2011 by Keith Stone in computers, Facebook, Google, MySpace
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MySpace was recently purchased for $35 million by Specific Media and Justin Timberlake (wha???) from News Corp. You may remember that News Corp. paid $580 million for MySpace, however earned a ton of money through an exclusive advertising deal with Google. Now that deal is over and MySpace is hemorrhaging cash because everyone has fled for the greener pastures of Facebook.

MySpace was fun for a while. It was like Bad Kids Facebook. Didn’t get into a good college? It’s MySpace for you. Plus, there were a ton of slutty girls on MySpace. Once Facebook opened the doors to let anyone join, it was all over. That hasn’t stopped Rupert Murdoch from trying to salvage it with a bunch of go-getter managers but the truth is MySpace has gone from the world’s top social networking site to a place where local bands try to plug their music.

Now Google is throwing its hat in the ring again against Facebook. After the failure of Google Buzz, it has decided to launch the similar Google+, which smells a lot like Facebook but emphasizes sharing more directly with your real friends. It will not work. The advantage that Facebook has is that everybody is on it.

Some people enjoy being on 18 different social networking sites that each fill a specific niche. You wouldn’t go to a clothing store, hardware store, and grocery store when there’s a Walmart in your town. Mark Zuckerberg does not want that to happen so he’s on top of it. He’s already replicated several facets from Twitter, Foursquare, and Groupon. Why would anyone want to share a deal with 40 of their friends when they can share it with 500? It’s simply easier to stick with an existing product that you and your friends already use.

To Facebook’s credit, they have been on top of every trend and integrated it on their site. That’s why I don’t understand Google+. It has to bring something markedly different to the table or everybody is going to ignore it. Of course, being used in conjunction with Gmail will enhance the product, but is it really worth Google’s time and money? Pictures are still going to be uploaded on Facebook because that’s where everybody is going to be.

But Did He Bring Wine Coolers?

Posted: July 5, 2011 by Keith Stone in Chris Hansen, romance, To Catch a Predator
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Professional perv hunter and To Catch a Predator host Chris Hansen has made a living out of busting creeps, but now he’s the one caught red-handed. The married father of two was spied having a dalliance by the National Enquirer (their best reporting in years!!!) with Kristyn Caddell, a reporter and former NBC intern who’s 20 years younger than him, while he was investigating a case in Florida. Luckily, Caddell is above the legal age of consent. Still, it’s a big blow for Hansen who is not going to be talk as far down to child predators anymore. No word yet on whether Hansen actually consummated the relationship or only wanted to talk to Caddell.

New York Magazine

Happy Bikini Day

Posted: July 5, 2011 by Keith Stone in bikinis, bOObs
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Today is Bikini Day, the biggest holiday of the year, and the 75th anniversary of the greatest invention since the light bulb. We celebrate two great pioneers and geniuses, Louis Reard and Jacques Heim, for changing the way sluts go to the beach. This is dedicated to you guys. I love you.

 

Summer Song 2011: Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)?

Posted: July 5, 2011 by Keith Stone in Katy Perry, Summer Song 2011
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This song is a request from reader Kelly from Down South, y’all.  Katy Perry’s been on a roll recently. E.T. and Firework were both big hits and as much as you don’t want to like it, Last Friday Night is so fucking catchy although I find it a bit derivative of Waking Up In Vegas. It solidifies why Katy is such a great role model for young girls. Ladies, it’s perfectly fine to get wasted and have 3-ways with Rebecca Black and Kenny G. It’s the summer of the saxophone, baby! RIP Big Man.

All-American Girls: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum Redux

Posted: July 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, U!S!A!
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Originally posted May 2,2011. It just seemed appropriate today.

I feel like the terrorists would hate this, so let’s make sure that they know what the greatest country in the world is again. Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

America!

Posted: July 4, 2011 by Keith Stone in Independence Day, U!S!A!
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It’s the Fourth of July, which means it’s time to watch The Twilight Zone and celebrate the 15th anniversary of Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, Randy Quaid, and President Bill Pullman saving the world. Seriously, how great of a country is this? If I was in China, I’d be arrested by now. It’s not perfect but it’s still fucking awesome. I can do whatever I want. I can dance around in the middle of Central Park wearing a speedo while accusing the President of war crimes or I can drink beer, watch Bill Shatner fight a gremlin, and post pics of hot chicks on a website. It’s what Randy Quaid sacrificed his life for. Best country in the world. Let’s all be good to each other and keep it that way.

Jabroni of the Week: David Stern

Posted: July 3, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, David Stern, jabronis, NBA, NBA lockout
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The NBA officially locked out its players, joining the NFL in a labor stoppage. However unlike the NFL, several NBA teams are in serious financial trouble. Whereas the NFL is trying to figure out how to split the pie, the NBA barely has one. This isn’t entirely Commissioner Stern’s fault. In fact, it’s not really his fault as much as the owners who gave too much to the players during the last two labor agreements and then continued to spend their money in a stupid way. Who wants to give Gilbert Arenas $100 mil? Did I mention he has one knee?

At the same time, Stern finds himself in the middle of everything. He works for the owners but he also has to work with the players. The players say they will not budge on giving up guaranteed contracts. It’s their right but it’s their responsibility to show up ready to play. Shaq looked like a hot air balloon out there this season.

Really, everyone is to blame for the mess. And it is a huge mess. Small-market teams can’t afford to compete with New York, LA, and Chicago unless they want to lose tens of millions of dollars a year. And yet, the NBA doesn’t have a system in place to help the Milwaukees of the world keep up with a team like Miami that can print money. The players will argue that they shouldn’t give up their share of the cash when most teams lose money at the expense of the others. Why shouldn’t the owners help each other before asking the players to sacrifice their incomes?

All of this falls at the feet of Commissioner Stern. He has to worry about the owners, the players, and the fans. He has to keep everyone happy while they get hit in the wallet. Never an easy task. In a perfect world, the players would take a salary rollback. The owners would let the players have guaranteed contracts up to three years and soften their stand on having a hard salary cap. Then they could all have a giant orgy on a pile of dollar bills, Scrooge McDuck-style. That’s not going to happen.

Commish, baby, the owners are being opaque about their financials and the players understandably don’t want to take a pay cut. It’s human nature. However, the NBA is coming off its greatest season in over 15 years. There’s more stars and storylines than ever. If this lockout runs into the regular season, the league is going to lose a ton of momentum and the financial situation may even get worse. You know this. You’re a very smart guy, but you’re not a miracle worker. You may have to be. Don’t let this drag out until November. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

California Kids Can Buy Violent Video Games, Justice Is Served

Posted: July 1, 2011 by Keith Stone in law and order, video games
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The Supreme Court has rejected a California law that would have banned kids from buying violent video games in a victory for freedom everywhere by a vote of 7-to-2. The Court cited free speech and consumer protection. I’ve been ripping hearts out and decapitating video game characters since I was 8. Me and Scorpion ran shit and I turned out OK. Sort of. Video games have ratings and kids have parents. If a kid can handle a mature video game, it’s fine. If the parents are idiots, then yeah the kid might be fucked up and end up going to Rutgers. Truth is, he’s going to be fucked up whether he’s playing violent video games or not. The kid might as well have a little fun. Last time I checked, California was a mess and the Supreme Court had more important things to think about than video games. Like the BCS. This isn’t communist Sweden. Let the kids have their video games! U!S!A! U!S!A!

CNN

What Is America’s Greatest Local Commercial?

Posted: July 1, 2011 by Keith Stone in commercials, ridiculous
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The Independent Film Channel is looking for the greatest local commercials in its newly launched Local Commercial Awards, or LOCO’s as the cool kids call it. There’s nothing that makes me happier when I’m watching Jersey Shore at 3 in the morning than seeing Dr. Zizmor telling me how he’ll fix my bunions or Keith Hernandez demanding that I give him my gold. LOCO winners earn a digital badge that a company can post on its website. I don’t know what a digital badge is but I bet it would look sexy in The Suite. I should put a commercial on Spike TV that would consist entirely of me dancing to the Thong Song. On second thought, maybe I should put it on Lifetime. For the ladies. As great as that commercial would be, there’s no way anyone is winning a LOCO over this guy. Have fun getting the song out of your head.

Wall St. Journal

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