Where Are They Now: Mr. Belding

Posted: June 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in Mr. Belding, Saved By the Bell, where are they now
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Hey, hey, hey, what is going on here? Dick “Dennis Haskins” Belding looks like he’s still spending time with high school girls. And good for him. Not all of us can host Access Hollywood or make a sex tape. Apparently, Belding is still living the life of Zack Morris after the two switched places during Student-Teacher Week. Now, he’s hitting up the clubs, doing duets with Tony Romo, and eating a lot. This week, the Double-A Richmond Flying Squirrels invited Belding to throw out the first pitch for their Teacher Appreciation Night and do a little singing (naturally). He’s a regular Carl Lewis.

Wrestking Video of the Week: Shane McMahon Flies

Posted: June 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in Shane McMahon, Slobberknocker, videos, wrestling, WWF
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I’ve heard from the millions (AND MILLIONS!) It’s time to bring the Wrestling Video of the Week back. In 2001, Shane McMahon faced off against the Big Show in a Last Man Standing match. Despite some great dance moves, Shane was giving up about 300 pounds on Show. It’s kind of a disadvantage in a Last Man Standing match. There was only one way to overcome it as Shane climbed the Titantron and took to the friendly skies to defeat Show with a little assistance from Test and a camera stand.

Mets Lose On Balk-Off

Posted: June 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Mets, MLB
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The Mets’ DJ Carrasco forced in the winning run last night against the Braves, but he did it in a new and heartbreaking way, even for Mets fans. Carrasco balked his way to a loss, flinching under the pressure of trying to sweep Atlanta. This is why it’s so fun to be a Mets hater. Just when all their fans think they’re turning the corner, nope. Kenny Rogers walks in the winning run in the ’99 NLCS. Getting a beatdown from the Yanks in the ’00 World Series. And of course, that Wainwright curveball. Beltran is still looking at that one. Mets fans are so pathetic, they still think their team can make the playoffs. Maybe when Wilpon sells the team. At least I have someone new to pick on now that LeBron is gone.

Summer Song 2011: The Edge of Glory?

Posted: June 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in Lady Gaga, Summer Song 2011
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Just when I thought I was out, Lady Gaga pulls me back in. I’ve been saying for a while that Gaga needed to keep it all simple. She finally did and The Edge of Glory is a seriously solid song, although it’s probably the reason why the black guy in the E Street Band had a stroke. It’s actually a song and not a piece of performance art. I kinda just want to drive around with the sun hitting my face, blasting this song and singing at the top of my lungs. And maybe it’s the fact that she barely wears anything and when she does it’s studded leather and her ass is hanging out, but Gaga gets it going for me. She also has a deceptively hot body. I support any chick that doesn’t like to wear clothes unless her name is Rosie O’Donnell.

The Vancouver Hockey Riots of 2011!

Posted: June 16, 2011 by Keith Stone in hockey, riot, Stanley Cup Finals, Vancouver
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Those Canadians love their hockey. “Take a picture of me in front of this flaming car, eh?”

Stanley Cup Finals Game 7 Live Running Diary

Posted: June 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in BOSTON SUCKS, hockey, NHL, running diary, Stanley Cup, Stanley Cup Finals, Stanley Cup Playoffs
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It’s time to finally, finally end hockey season. I’m coming to you live from the Rainman Suite with Charlie Sheen, Jenna Haze, Lanny Barby, Tiffany Taylor, Alexis Texas, and briefcase full of cocaine. OK, actually I have a belly fully full of Chinese food and a six-pack of Labatts. This game is huge. Neither team has won the Stanley Cup in nearly 40 years and Vancouver has never won it. Also, the last time they lost a Finals Game 7, there was a massive riot. As John Davidson would say, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh baby!” GAME 7!

8:02-We see the Stanley Cup make its grand entrance into the arena in a silver SUV. You’d think it’d be rolling in a Hummer limo or something.

8:03-Dan Patrick is hosting the pregame show because……………

8:04-Pierre McGuire interviews Patrice Bergeron who has a massive playoff beard. Yet another reason to love hockey. Playoff beards.

8:06-A Boston fan told Dan Patrick, “We didn’t lose to the British, and we’re not losing to British Columbia.” Those Bostonians are so clever.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dad Waves At Son’s School Bus In 179 Different Costumes

Posted: June 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in school, the kids
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On the first day of school in American Fork, Utah, Dale Price waved goodbye to his son Rain (great name) on the school bus. Rain was a bitch about it as all 16-year-olds are, so Dale decided to kick it up a notch and wore a different costume to greet the bus everyday for the rest of the school year. He was Wonder Woman, a mermaid, a pirate (which works out since he has a prosthetic leg), and a football player to name a few.

This may be the coolest story I’ve seen all year. Yeah, it really sucks for the kid considering his dad is unemployed and dressing like a chick and all, but how great is this if you’re on that bus? I’m not a morning person and always hated going to school. If I was on the bus, I’d be ready like an hour early each day frothing at the mouth in anticipation of which costume the weird guy is going to wear. An astronaut? A dinosaur? Marilyn Monroe? The only problem is that the best part of everyday would be over at like 8 in the morning and the rest of the day would suck in comparison. I just hope Rain never gets his driver’s license.

AOL

The Decision II

Posted: June 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Queen James, WNBA
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Looks like Queen James couldn’t handle the pressure of playing in front of all those rabid fans in South Beach, so he’s taking his talents somewhere a bit more accommodating. Here’s wishing LeBron all the luck in the world in the WNBA!

New York City Schoolchildren Face New Threat

Posted: June 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in school, the kids
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It’s hard enough to be a kid in New York. You might not get placed in the school you want. You might be in a class with like 50 other kids. And you might get your finger cut off. Last week, not one but two kids had their fingers cut off at New York City schools ON THE SAME DAY! Both kids got their fingers stuck in doors and that’s never a good thing. The kids, aged 10 and 6, were taken to the hospital but neither school could locate the severed digit and that’s never a good thing either, although one of the schools found the finger a day later. Souvenir! Despite a lot of complaining on the part of their parents, neither child lost more than a nub and will likely get a hefty payday in court. Not a horrible tradeoff. I guess going to school does pay off. Maybe I should go to grad school and get my finger stuck in a door.

NY Daily News

Where Are They Now: Alfonso Ribeiro

Posted: June 15, 2011 by Keith Stone in Alfonso Ribeiro, where are they now
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Looks like Alfonso Ribeiro has been wisely investing his residuals from Fresh Prince of Bel Air into McDonald’s. Big Macs, Quarter Pounders, McNuggets. And the poor kid still hasn’t grown a bit. Just kidding, but seriously he must be on the beach somewhere drinking margaritas with naked chicks. That’s what I’d do. Alfonso and I both know working is overrated.

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