Who knew sumo wrestlers were so nimble? Unfortunately for ref/awesome robe wearer Shozaburo Kimura, they are. Kimura got caught in the path of these two behemoths and had to be carted away after being knocked unconscious. At least he didn’t get the stinkface.
Down Goes Sumo Ref
Posted: January 20, 2012 by Keith Stone in other sportsTags: Japan, other sports, sumo!
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Is It Me You’re Looking For?
Posted: January 19, 2012 by Keith Stone in musicTags: Lionel Richie, music
An enterprising person with a little too much time on their hands put together this awesome video for Lionel Richie’s Hello featuring movie characters singing the song, which still doesn’t make it as funny as the original music video, but it’s entertaining nonetheless. Check it out, if only because it’s the only time you’ll see Leslie Nielsen sing a duet with Elvis.
Haunted
Posted: January 19, 2012 by Keith Stone in NFLTags: football, Giants, NFL, NFL Playoffs, Trey Junkin
In 2003, the Giants called the retired Trey Junkin at his home a few days before the biggest game of the season. They needed a long snapper. In exchange for around $17,000 and a final chance to win an elusive Super Bowl ring, Junkin suited up against the 49ers in one of the wildest playoff games in NFL history. However, his botched snap on the game-winning field goal in the closing seconds cost the Giants the game and cemented his name in football infamy.
The Daily News caught up with Junkin in Louisiana to see how his life has been since then. Understandably, it’s been rough. Finding a job in football has been difficult, and he still thinks about his moment everyday. Sometimes, it jolts him awake while he’s sleeping. The article is an interesting read and it’s tragic that the play still has such an impact on the guy’s life when he only had a few days to prepare to play in a professional football game. It’s Junkin’s birthday on Sunday, as well as the Giants’ first playoff game in San Francisco since then with a trip to the Super Bowl on the line. There’d be no better present than a little closure.
Trailer Park: The Devil Inside
Posted: January 19, 2012 by Keith Stone in videosTags: The Devil Inside, Trailer Park, videos
Talk about falling off a cliff. Despite a really cool trailer and a strong premise, The Devil Inside had one of the worst endings I can ever remember. SPOILER ALERT: the demon causes our heroes to get into a car accident. When I saw it, the entire theater was genuinely shocked and upset that it was over. It was like the opposite of a night with the MKS. The added kicker was that the movie itself was good, almost too good. It breezed along so quickly nobody was really expecting to see the end credits. It almost seemed like the filmmakers ran out money and decided to just kill everyone with the remaining film they had left. Despite getting a CinemaScore of F (the first of any movie in nearly two years), The Devil Inside still managed to win its opening weekend. Let’s hope the sequel picks up where this one left off.
Which Genius Will Be the Tampa Bay Bucs’ New Coach?
Posted: January 18, 2012 by Keith Stone in NFLTags: football, NFL, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
On the surface, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ vacant head coaching spot would seem like a choice job. They’re a team with a good young quarterback a year removed from a 10-6 season and they play in the city that isn’t freezing in the winter and doubles as the strip club capital of the year. Perhaps this year’s struggles could be attributed to their young and relatively inexperienced coach, Raheem Morris. All they need is somebody with a winning pedigree. That’s why I continue to be in shock by the candidates that are being mentioned for the job.
Marty Schottenheimer is the king of playoff disappointments. Brad Childress’s run in Minnesota was one debacle after another. Wade Phillips makes Chad McGee look like Vince Lombardi. Wade Phillips decided he’d rather stay the defensive coordinator in Houston than go after the Bucs’ position. Wade Phillips!!!! That’s like the fat girl turning you down for the prom. I don’t get the rationale behind trotting out these also-rans for any head coaching position. It’s like, “Hey, this guy’s failed everywhere he’s coached. Let’s hire him!” You don’t say, “My friend Jim got food poisoning from that restaurant. Let’s eat there!”
I think we’ve learned that the trick in hiring a successful head football coach is to go after bright young coordinators (Sean Payton, Mike Tomlin) or guys that exceed expectations but ultimately fail for various reasons and need a change of scenery (Tom Coughlin-meanness, Dick Vermeil-crying). NOTE TO NFL TEAMS: DO NOT HIRE COACHES THAT HAVE CHOKED AWAY BIG PLAYOFF GAMES (Brad Childress, Marty Schottenheimer). Good luck finding a new coach, Tampa Bay. At least you have the Mons Venus.
How’s That Offseason Going?
Posted: January 17, 2012 by Keith Stone in MLBTags: Atlanta Braves, baseball, Jack Wilson, MLB, Phillies, Roy Halladay, water sports
I’m sick of everyone saying that teachers have the cushiest jobs. Nothing compares to the life of pro athlete. You get paid tons of money and have months and months off. And who wants to leave work at 3 when you have all that road beef? So far this winter, we’ve seen R.A. Dickey climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro and A-Rod had a fun surgery vacation in Germany. However, it looks like nothing compares to the time Atlanta Braves infielder Jack Wilson has been having. Let’s see Adam Vinatieri hit a Jet Ski when the game is on the line.
Down in the Amazon, Phillies ace Roy Halladay proved that he can save more than just the Phillies from long losing streaks. He actually saved a naked local fisherman whose ass was bitten by an anaconda. Now before you make the obvious ass attacked by giant snake joke, keep in mind that according to the movie Anaconda, the snakes are extremely dangerous, can grow to up to 100 feet in length, and have the ability to eat Jon Voight whole. Not so funny anymore, is it? Halladay helped the man gather his gear and get into his capsized boat after the attack, and then presumably offered him an ass massage because that’s the brotherly thing to do. Is there anything Roy Halladay can’t do (besides make it to the World Series)?
This kid knows what rock and roll is all about. I’m sure he was doing massive amounts of coke backstage with groupies before the show, but obviously as a rookie he couldn’t hold on long enough. And a bad job by the rest of the band to pick up the slack. Back in ’72, Keith Richards lit himself on fire and Mick Jagger put him out during a show. Didn’t even stop singing Brown Sugar. At least, our kid knows that the show must go on and recovered like a champ.
Jabroni of the Week: Mexican Paramedics
Posted: January 15, 2012 by Keith Stone in jabronisTags: jabronis, medicine, Mexico
Ay caramba! You’re telling me that when transporting a fucking heart, the best these guys could do was a little cooler with wheels? That’s the same thing I bring to the beach. And did these guys need to jog with the cooler, like the patient was going to die in the next 30 seconds? From the looks of it, the hombre on the left does a lot more burrito eating than jogging. We couldn’t get them a segway or a golf cart or even just secure the lid with some tape or something? The best part is when the heart falls on the ground the two guys don’t even inspect it or discuss it, they pick it up and toss it back in the cooler like it’s the norm in Mexico. Heart fell in the middle of the road? Just throw it back in, Jose.
It’s not like Mexicans have enough stereotypes to worry about. I’m just surprised there wasn’t a mariachi band playing as these chanchos made their way from the helicoper. Sometimes you hear that healthcare is better in third-world countries than in America but after seeing this, I’d rather pay sky-high premiums on my health insurance than have to deal with my new corazon covered in burro shit.
Mexi medics, bebés, I know that you guys were only trying to do your best Speedy Gonzales impression but come on, with that drop do you think you’re on the Packers or something? Even LeBron James is making fun of you for how un-clutch you are. Transporting the heart shouldn’t be harder than transplanting it. Get it together, chicos. And make sure to wash your hands with bottled water before the procedure. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.
Trivia Time: NFL Playoffs
Posted: January 15, 2012 by Keith Stone in NFL, triviaTags: football, NFL, NFL Playoffs, trivia
It’s fucking freezing outside, which means we’re in the heart of the NFL Playoffs. The NFL Champion used to be determined by the team with the best record in the regular season. In 1932, the Chicago Bears and Portsmouth Spartans (now the Detroit Lions) finished the season tied and played a single game for the Title. Due to bad weather, the game was played indoors at Chicago Stadium on an 80-yard dirt field. No, I’m not making this up. The Bears won 9-0 and the game was so popular that a Championship Game was played in 1933 and every year since. The playoffs have evolved a lot since then but one thing never changes: Champions save their best for the playoffs. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and you get the game ball. The answer, as always, is after the jump.
Who is the all-time NFL Playoff touchdown leader? (and a hint: it is not Ickey Woods)
WEEK 85 – Hail Eli
Posted: January 15, 2012 by Keith Stone in NFLTags: 2011 Giants, football, Giants, Green Bay Packers, NFL, NFL Playoffs
Giants 37, Packers 20
THE CHAMP IS DEAD! What an amazing victory by the Giants. They thoroughly controlled play in every aspect of the game, and should have won by even more if the refs weren’t so disgraceful. From Nicks on that amazing hail mary from nowhere to Cruz on the second onsides kick to Osi stripping Rodgers when it looked like the Pack was about to score, the Giants seized control and never let Green Bay have it back. People might say that the Packers looked out of it. It’s true that Rodgers’s timing was off but that’s because the Hydra was in his face all day. And if the Packers don’t want to hold onto the ball, hell, Chase Blackburn will take it. The QB scrambles by Rodgers hurt but they were never for more than 15 yards and the Pack just couldn’t put it together for the important plays. Those are the plays that Champions make.
It’s not time to celebrate yet. The 49ers are a great team. They beat the Saints. While the Giants are a more balanced team, it’s not going to be a cake walk. However, you have to think that with Eli and the boys firing on all cylinders and their health and confidence at a high for the season, they’re not going to allow the 49ers defense to shut them down. It’s going to be an intense game for the Halas Trophy.
Rainman Suite 