It’s getting dark way too early now that daylight savings time is over. We get more sunlight and save energy in the summer. Does it really need to end? I’m far too upset over this. That bring us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and I’ll turn your clocks forward in the Spring. The answer, as always, is after the jump.
What is the only state in the contiguous 48 that does not observe daylight savings time? (and a hint: it is not New Jersey)
The celebrate Veteran’s Day, the Rangers had the eight-year-old son of a veteran drop the first puck at Friday’s game. The kid did the best he could but appeared a bit confused about the protocol. Either he was nervous or somebody didn’t give him the rundown. You can’t leave the Captain’s hand hanging like that! At least Marian Gaborik seemed to get a kick out of it.
Don’t ask why, but accused child rapist Jerry Sandusky was interviewed on Rock Center last night by Bob Costas. Sandusky proclaimed his innocence and said he was just horsing around with those kids in the shower. Sandusky also mentioned that he enjoys looking at the beautiful green sky and greatly respects our President John McCain. Granted there’s a .0000001% chance he’s telling the truth, but if this whole Sandusky thing turns out to be the biggest misunderstanding in the history of the world, that he slipped in the shower just as the janitor was coming and made it look so much worse, how much would it suck for Joe Paterno and Penn State?
Sandusky’s lawyer was on the show as well and echoed his client’s thoughts. But wait, there’s more! His lawyer also likes fucking kids. Joe Amendola impregnated a 16-year-old girl about 15 years ago while he was helping her file to be emancipated from her parents. Luckily, Pennsylvania is ass-backwards and their age of consent is 16. The two love birds were later married. This story keeps getting weirder and grosser by the day. Here’s the most rational thing I’ve seen written about it.
In honor of the end of his manslaughter trial, here’s Michael Jackson(s) at Super Bowl XXVII. It definitely has to go down as one of the best and most memorable halftime shows of all-time. What is it about the Jackson family that makes them so unforgettable at the Super Bowl? I actually have a friend who was involved with the PR of the show. He told me that Michael was supposed to pop out of the stage, wait about five seconds, and take his shades off. Of course, he poses for what seems like eternity while everyone in the back is freaking out over whether he’s actually going to do something. Michael Jackson, everybody!
The NBA Players’ Union decertified yesterday after the players rejected the owners’ latest proposal. For real, check out their website. Now they’re taking the owners to court. For what? I don’t know. I don’t care. I just want to watch some basketball. David Stern described this situation as “nuclear winter.” Keith Stone described this situation as “eight cocks shoved up my ass.” Either way, it’s not good.
It doesn’t mean the 2011-2012 season won’t happen but now both sides have to prepare for litigation instead of working on a deal. Hopefully, this is a negotiating tactic because for the case to go through the court system, it would take months, if not years.
For all intents and purposes, and from my lay point of view, the owners’ offer seems fairly reasonable. However, there are two bones of contention: how the owners will divide revenue with the players and how the owners will divide their share amongst each other through revenue sharing, luxury taxes, etc.
The players rightfully don’t want to commit to a deal unless the owners figure out their part first. In this latest proposal, which the NY Times has a review of, the owners limit the rights of free agents by restricting how much money someone can make and which teams they could sign with when switching teams.
The owners contend that this will protect small-market teams like Cleveland from losing a superstar like LeBron James, which will allow franchise values and revenues to grow in places other than the big cities. The players think this is unfair. If a player spends seven years with a team, why shouldn’t they be able to sign a similar contract somewhere else? Neither side is wrong. And that’s where we are, kids.
Nobody’s going to be happy when this is all said and done, but they’re forgetting the one group of people that is going to be the least happy: the fans. It’s time to compromise. The revenue that they’re fighting over is shrinking by the minute.
The economy sucks. It’s hard enough to find a job and make some money. Insurance companies are always ripping people off, so why not rip them off, right? That was the idea this genius had. It’s just a shame he tried his plan on a police car with a camera on the dash.
49ers 27, Giants 20
The problem with having every game come down to the last drive is that you never know when somebody’s going to get their hand up and knock a pass down on fourth down. The Giants played well. So did the 49ers. I thought they were very evenly matched but San Fran was willing to pull out all the stops to get a W. The Niners had that perfect onsides kick while the Giants couldn’t convert either of their first two drives from inside the 10.
It’s been a reoccurring problem all season. The play calling is just too conservative in the red zone, especially on second- and third-and-long. Even in the second and third quarter, I know you don’t want to air it out on every play, but when you’re playing without your starting running back, you have to take more chances with the passing game. When Eli is moving the ball, just let him fucking do his thing. I know that a couple of those delayed handoffs were working, but the closer you get to the goal line, the harder it is to get open in the end zone because there’s less space. Eli should have been throwing. And what happened to Brandon Jacobs running like he used to? He was going side-to-side again instead of straight ahead. Even if he doesn’t get a ton of yards, at least he’s beating down the D-line. So frustrating.
So yeah, it was a close game. I thought we were a little bit better, but the real difference was the onsides kick, Weatherford’s bad punt, and Eli’s bad INT. Now we’re probably looking at the 3-seed at best. It sucks, but hey, at least I don’t have to root for Michael Vick.
There’s nothing worse than spreading rumors about your friends. “Keith slept with a fat girl!” No, that would never happen. Luckily, nobody has ever accused me of getting knocked up by Mel Gibson. Rumorfix is reporting that a friend of Secrets of Aspen “star” Laura Bellizzi claims that Bellizzi is pregnant with Mel’s 12th (I think) child.
Lisa Gay’s ridiculous statement reads, “Laura is super excited to be pregnant with Mel Gibson’s baby! She already has three daughters of her own and she knows how to be a great mom. Laura is presently five months pregnant with Mel Gibson’s baby. Laura has shared many sacred moments of her pregnancy with me including the sonogram that revealed Mel Gibson’s child will be a girl. She is already in love with her baby girl she is just overjoyed and sees this baby as a new light for her life.”
The only problem is that both Gibson and Bellizi have denied this. They apparently dated over the summer, which is bad enough if you’re Lisa Bellizi. I’m sure she doesn’t want people to think that she’s carrying Mad Max’s demon child and he’s going to be demanding blow jobs and kicking the shit out of her while the kid is growing up. Maybe she is. At least she’s going to be getting a fat paycheck. The important thing is that nobody knows. Lisa Gay is totally blowing up her shit.
Lisa, baby, your statement is bad enough. You’d be the world’s worst publicist but instead it seems like you’re the world’s worst friend. Forget about the fact that you only describe the child as “Mel Gibson’s baby” like he lent her a car or something. Do you realize that Mel Gibson is one of the worst human beings on the planet? He hates Jews. He hates women. You make it sound like she’s been impregnated by the second coming of Gandhi or Will Smith or something.
That is, unless this is all part of a devious plan. Maybe you secretly hate Laura Bellizi and this is your way of making her look like a fool in public. If it is, you are a very underhanded individual. I like it. I’d never want to be friends with you but you could probably spend some time with Queen James down in South Beach. Either way, good luck and hopefully you won’t be Mel Gibson’s child’s Godmother. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.
I hate shopping. If I need something, I go to the store and I get it. Mama Stone is the opposite. She would buy a sombrero if she thought she was getting a good deal for it. That’s why she has about 30 bottles of shampoo sitting in a closet. How could she not buy them? She had a coupon! Just because something is a good value does not make it a good purchase. Unless you’re Rapunzel, in this situation.
In our world, you might be tempted to make a pick because you’re getting an extra point or two. Oh goodie, the Jets line is only -1.5. Doesn’t matter because the Pats are going to blow them out. Taking the Jets is the equivalent of a chick thinking she got a good deal because she bought a pair of shoes on sale for $350 when they were listed at $500. She’s still an idiot and I still would want to tag her. And no, that doesn’t make me gay for Tom Brady. Picks!
STEELERS (-2.5) AT BENGALS
Stone: Steelers
The Bengals are a solid team, but they haven’t played anyone good this year.
Slumdeezy: Steelers
Rory: Steelers
Red Rocket vs. Big Ben in the battle of nicknames for your penis!
DP Animal: Steelers
Phanatic: Bengals
BRONCOS AT CHIEFS (-2.5)
Stone: Broncos
I’m convinced all four teams in the AFC West are going to end up at 8-8.
Slumdeezy: Broncos
Rory: Broncos
DP Animal: Broncos
Phanatic: Chiefs
Every year during the first home basketball game of the season, the students of John Brown University in Arkansas T.P. the court after the first made basket. Although their opponents got two foul shots from the ensuing technical, JBU still won by over 40 points. The school has been doing this tradition for nearly 30 years and the administration deserves kudos for allowing it to keep going despite the NCAA trying to stop the practice. Nice to see somebody still has a sense of humor.
Rainman Suite 