From our good friends over at The Sun. Let this be a lesson to all the crafty fags out there. Just because you guys can get married doesn’t mean I’m gonna stick my neck out for you.
Football Cops!
Posted: June 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in crime and punishment, Eli, football, NFL, NFL lockoutPeyton: “Guess nobody told him that justice was a team sport.”
Eli: “What does that mean?”
Eli and Peyton Manning took their newfound extra time from the NFL Lockout and put it into a worthy cause: Football Cops, a new TV show on DirecTV. Peyton stars as Mike Tahoe, an orphan who turned his back on a pro football career to be a cop. Eli stars as his biggest rival and fellow orphan, C.J. Hunter, who is the only man brave enough to sweep up crime on the city streets using nothing more than a football. Archie Manning guest-stars as defense attorney and Football Cop nemesis Orlando Midnight.
If this is real, it is going to be awesome and I will probably change my service to DirecTV. Or hopefully it will be on NBC six months later. I would have liked to see more cameos. How about Mike Vick as the bad guy and Ray Lewis as an informant? I WOULD WATCH THIS. The trailer was already better than the entire first season of The Killing. Maybe the lockout isn’t going to be so bad after all.
Brazil Has A Bike Ride, There Were No Survivors
Posted: June 27, 2011 by Keith Stone in Brazil, cyclingAt the Critical Mass bike ride in Brazil, a car slammed through a group of bicyclists. It’s a crazy video, not for the faint of heart. My Portuguese is a bit rusty and I couldn’t figure out what happened exactly so I’m just going to assume an elderly Asian woman was behind the wheel.
Jabroni of the Week: Metta World Peace
Posted: June 26, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, jabronis, Metta World Peace, NBA
Metta World Peace is a crazy motherfucker. Not only was he responsible for the biggest black eye in NBA history with the brawl in Detroit and his player profile on HoopsHype includes the line, “Goes very crazy very often,” but now he thinks he’s going to change the world. World Peace was originally going to go with Mr. One Love but obviously Metta World Peace would have a greater impact on the world. It didn’t work for World B. Free and it’s not going to work for World Peace.
Athletes need to learn their place in the world. There’s a select few that can change attitudes and trends around the world. Jordan was one of them. Not Metta World Peace. Sure, he won the Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award and there’s a lockout coming up. Peace on Earth is a nice goal, but maybe volunteering with some kids in South Central or Queensbridge would be a little easier considering that World Peace should be training after getting swept by Dallas in the playoffs. I can see Kim Jong Il getting ready to launch some nukes when all of a sudden he thinks about World Peace’s crazy 3-pointer in Game 7 of the 2010 NBA Finals and reconsiders. Actually, maybe World Peace would stop that psycho.
Metta, baby, I know your name means happiness and your intentions are pure, but I just don’t know how much of this craziness I can take. Every time I hear something new about you I think it’s fake. It’s not. You’re falling of the face of the world, the very world you are trying to save. You’ve come a long way since you were punching fat white trash in Detroit. It’s possible you went too far. Then again, at least you’re trying to help world peace, World Peace. Try giving Kim Jong Il a call. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.
Summer Song 2011: Don’t Put It On Me?
Posted: June 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Courtney Stodden, Summer Song 2011Courtney Stodden is the 16-year-old singer who married the 51-year-old creepy guy from The Green Mile. I’d marry her in a sec. For a teenager, she’s got two really big, jiggly assets: her youthful exuberance and world-class singing ability. Plus, her music video reeks of class. Singing about stealing guys while sitting in a swamp with a pink puppy and giant margarita she probably got at Mardi Gras? Donald Trump would hire her in a second.
Wrestling Video of the Week: Goldust Loves Booker and Sprewell
Posted: June 24, 2011 by Keith Stone in Booker T, Goldust, Slobberknocker, videos, wrestling, WWFWhen he was courting Booker T to be his tag team partner, there wasn’t anything Goldust wouldn’t do. So while Booker went to 7-11 to get his ritual pre-match Slurpee and spend time with some of his young fans, Goldust was busy putting together an “elaborate disguise” to fit in without attracting attention, sucka. I can’t even tell it’s Goldust. He’s like a ghetto Mrs. Doubtfire and the Spree jersey and visor are a nice touch. Gotta love JR at the end. “He’s goofier than a pet coon!” Who wouldn’t want a bite of Goldust’s wiener?
Deadspin.com recently posted a list of corrections from the first week-plus of Grantland.com, Bill Simmons’s new pop culture website. Simmons comes off arrogant sometimes and I personally think Grantland is a little highbrow especially considering its editor in chief made about 100 porn jokes in his book. I didn’t realize I was going to need a box of Kleenex every time I read an article. Still, Simmons can do what he wants. He went from writing on his own site to becoming the most prominent sportswriter in the world.
But honestly, is there anything more annoying than somebody pointing out your mistakes? Nobody’s perfect. I probably made like 50 mistakes this week alone (keep reading please!) Grantland started with a lot of pomp and fanfare and it will take time to work the kinks out. If Simmons is the cool kid in school who tells everyone what great seats he had at the game, then Deadspin is the kid that has to point out that the game wasn’t so great because it was a blowout. From its “Grantland Comments and Corrections Desk” are gems like “In Editor in Chief Bill Simmons’s ‘Welcome to Grantland‘ introductory column, a sidenote misspelled the name of Barret Robbins as ‘Barrett Robbins.’ The error has been corrected by rewrite, without acknowledgment.” Who gives a shit?
Deadspin always does this and it has gotten worse. The guys over there must’ve been cut from the high school basketball team because they were too short. There are highs and lows in sports. You celebrate the champs and, yeah, knock the losers. I’ve done enough of that. Right, Queen James?
Deadspin just always seems to want to knock everybody off their pedestal. It’s enough to make light of a guy sending out a picture of their dick to a groupie, but sometimes they’re downright nasty. I enjoy most of what Deadspin does and there’s definitely a place in the world for a look at sports from a different perspective, but its tone is so whiny. Posting every mistake from Grantland is pointless and lame. And who exactly is checking the accuracy of every fact on the site? What a job. Leave Billy alone.
Throw It Down, Big Man!
Posted: June 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Jan Vesely, NBA, NBA DraftJan Vesely was drafted sixth by the Washington Wizards tonight. Instead of crying, kissing his mom, or celebrating with his buddies, he did something much better. He got some lovin’ from a very tall blonde. Hopefully, he can score like that on the court.
It’s the first week of summer so it’s time for the 37th Annual Rainman Suite Summer TV Preview. Summer is the dumping ground for some of craziest and most unique shows on the air. And I love it. Here are some shows to be on the lookout for.
Mad Men: The best show on TV. Don Draper is coming off his spontaneous marriage proposal to his secretary and will look to……..wait, what’s that? AMC had a contract dispute with the show’s creator and pushed Mad Men to winter? Noooooooooooo!
Franklin and Bash: With the loss of Mad Men, if there’s a hole in your heart for a show with working professionals that drink and carouse with women, then look no further. Zack Morris and the skater guy from Clueless star as themselves. Wednesdays at 9, TNT
Heidi Montag: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum
Posted: June 21, 2011 by Keith Stone in dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum, Heidi Montag
Heidi Montag made her grand re-entrance into society this week, after taking some time off to work out for 14 hours a day and get into shape for a pool party. At least, that’s what she said. Heidi was cute before but took a lot of heat after her multiple plastic surgeries. I, on the other hand, love it. We could all use some work. I just got a haircut. Heidi got butt implants. Same thing. Say what you want about Spencer Pratt — the kid has great taste. The important thing is that despite the fact that her face looks like a piece of interpretive art, she’s got huge tits. H for Heidi! Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
Rainman Suite 