Pat Hanlon, Man’s Man

Posted: August 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in football, Giants, Man's Man, NFL, Pat Hanlon

New York Giants VP of Communications, Pat Hanlon, took to Twitter yesterday and lashed out against Giants fans who were upset about the team’s quiet offseason and most recently the departure of receiver Steve Smith to Philadelphia. Hanlon’s tweets included gems like:

“You like winning? Sit tight.”

“The last proclamation out of Philly that meant anything was a Declaration in 1776.”

“A lot of noisemakers end up in the ditch.”

“We don’t play on paper. You know what you can do w/ that paper?”

“Rebuild my ass! I got your rebuild.”

Hanlon is right on. He’s never been afraid to take anyone on whether it’s a fool like Rex Ryan or even his own disillusioned fans. Nobody is forcing anyone to root for the Giants. If you’re so unhappy about the team’s moves then go root for the Jets or the Eagles.

For some reason, the criticism against the Giants always seems to come doubly harsh. They won 10 games last year and missed the playoffs on a tiebreaker. That’s a good season. Not great, but a very solid season in which there were a ton of injuries. They won 10 games in 2007 and then all they did was win the Super Bowl.

Management didn’t have a ton of money to spend and they weren’t willing to take big financial risks on question marks. Some guys, like Mathias Kiwanuka, took less money to stay with the Blue. Others, like Steve Smith and Kevin Boss, went for the cash and there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re both Champions who played significant roles in the greatest Giants season of all-time and they’re allowed to think for themselves and their families. I’ll personally always think of them fondly and wish them well (even Smith playing for a division rival).

The fact of the matter is that everything isn’t as bad as everyone is making it out to be, just like Hanlon said. Every significant skill player is back. Coming out of the lockout, that’s going to be important as teams have less time to assimilate newbies into their systems.

Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs were running really well towards the end of last year when they were both healthy and should play a larger role in the offense. Hakeem Nicks and Mario Manningham were also money in 2010, combining for 20 TD’s and nearly 2,000 yards. With another year of Eli’s passes coming their way, their numbers should only continue to improve. When Osi Umenyiora’s situation is resolved, and it looks like it might be soon, every healthy, young player from last year’s team will be back and ready to contribute.

The losses hurt but there are a lot of young players waiting in the wings that will need to step up. General Manager Jerry Reese has proven to be a good evaluator of talent before and hopefully guys like Kevin Boothe and Travis Beckum will pan out. He may have dug himself a hole by mismanaging the cap a bit but he is also prudent in leaving some room to make adjustments as the season gets closer and even during the season. Reese is a tough guy and knows what he’s doing. He also does a great Jim Fassel impression.

Champions know that the game is played on the field. All the Giants fans that are complaining need to take their whine somewhere else. A season isn’t lost with one injury or defection. The Dream Team can start planning their parade down Broad St. as Michael Vick rides in a float with a litter of puppies and Steve Smith brings up the rear in a motorized wheelchair. I won’t start thinking about it until February 5th. Talk is cheap. Play the game. Keep calling out the haters, Pat Hanlon. You are a man’s man.

Down Goes Kanye

Posted: August 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in Kanye West, ouch

Looks like All of the Lights were in Kanye’s eyes. I kid because I love. How many times do you think Taylor Swift has watched this video? To Kanye’s credit, he took the fall, got right back up, and started singing again.

New York’s Boring Stadium Problem

Posted: August 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in New York, stadiums

Check out this interesting read on Grantland about the three new stadiums in New York. While I don’t necessarily agree that they needed to be architectural marvels, Peter Richmond has a point that they’re all sterile and feel like they’re missing something. My biggest problem is that the stadiums were so expensive and cater mainly to the rich. I doubt that the Polo Grounds had luxury boxes with fireplaces. That’s not what sports is about. At least at the baseball stadiums, you can relax since baseball is a leisurely game. New Giants Stadium is doubly ridiculous to have all its amenities because only an asshole would want to go to a stadium and then watch the game from the comfort of a luxury box while eating filet mignon. Hopefully the people renovating Madison Square Garden don’t make the same mistakes.

Classic Video of the Week: Do the Urkel

Posted: August 12, 2011 by Keith Stone in Steve Urkel, videos

When I was in high school, we always had rooftop parties where people spontaneously broke out into choreographed dances. My father, Carl Winslow, was a cop in Chicago and also starred in Die Hard. OK, none of that is true but I can honestly remember watching this episode of Family Matters and trying to mimic all the dance steps.

Kids today don’t realize how popular Steve Urkel was back then. I could watch Urkel break stuff all day. In fact, I can’t remember another TV character as popular since then and yet Urkel and Family Matters still feels forgotten. It was a great, funny show with heart, at least for the first few seasons until it got too gimmicky.

And I hope Jaleel White still has a ton of money and got a ton of ass. The kid is talented. He deserves it. And he can ball, even when he’s wearing suspenders.

My sister gave me a sweet new HDTV so I headed over to Verizon (FiOS FTW) to get an HDMI wire. When I got there, the store was surrounded by people in red shirts with signs who were chanting anti-Verizon slogans. Apparently, Verizon workers were on strike. As I approached the store, I got booed like I was Queen James at the Garden.

Luckily, boos fuel me like gasoline and I got my wire from some friendly scabs. I had to endure some more taunting but I managed to wave at everybody as I headed home to watch Jersey Shore in HD. I honestly felt bad about the whole ordeal. I considered showing solidarity and leaving but I fucking wanted to watch some high-definition TV. Should I really have to continue to use my shitty old set?

These are two enormous entities in the world of entertainment, but there’s only one question to ask: Who Ya Got?

World Peace Coming To England?

Posted: August 11, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, Metta World Peace, NBA, NBA lockout

Metta World Peace, that is. World Peace is considering playing with the Cheshire Jets of the British Basketball League if the NBA lockout stretches into the regular season. According to the ULEB, the ruling body of European basketball, the BBL is ranked dead last amongst European leagues in terms of game play and media coverage amongst other important things. What better place to hone your skills and fitness than the worst basketball league in Europe?

There’s so much violence going on in England, it’s only fitting that the protagonist in the most public display of violence of the past 10 years would be heading there. World Peace is so crazy, he could probably stop the riots all by himself, and Britain will attain World Peace in more ways than one.

However since the Jets don’t have any money, they are offering World Peace a piece of ownership and will try to help his film and music career. They are currently trying to find him work on a British soap opera, where he will immediately be the most ridiculous black guy on TV in England since Ali G. And really, after hearing World Peace’s Michael Jackson tribute song who wouldn’t want a piece of his music career?

ESPN

The Challenge: Rivals Power Rankings WEEK 8

Posted: August 11, 2011 by Keith Stone in MTV, power rankings, The Challenge, TV

And so the the eyes of the world turn to Buenos Aires, despite the fact that nobody on the show can correctly pronounce Buenos Aires. The Bombs Away Challenge was the show’s last and the winning men’s team earned a coveted spot in the Finals. With that type of pressure, it’s really starting to get to some people. At this point in the game, all the alliances have fallen by the wayside.  A trip to the Finals means you no longer have to worry about being blindsided or betrayed by the group, just making it to the finish line first. Former friends are now enemies and the only person anybody can really trust is their partner, their most hated rival. Like Tyler says, “Sometimes you get stabbed in the face. Sometimes you get stabbed in the back.” I’m getting aroused just thinking about it. This episode ended with an infuriating TO BE CONTINUED… so we’re going to have to wait till next week to see who escapes from the final Jungle and earns the last position in the Finals. Onto the standings…

Guys

1. Mike Mike & Roy Lee (Last Week: 3)
The rooks have played a spectacular game so far and earned a spot in the Finals thanks to Roy Lee’s amazing rope-climbing skills. In fact, Mike Mike and Roy Lee never even appeared in the Jungle. To be fair, they may have lucked out since nobody thinks they will win the entire thing, nobody much cared if they even made it to the Finals. Plus, it’s a huge advantage that they were already friends before the show. Mike Mike had a banner week and threw an epic tantrum after the toga party the last day in Costa Rica because the guys were throwing cookies at him, ruining a beautiful night of getting spanked and choked by Paula. Roy Lee summed up this team best when he said, “Mike’s ride or die.” He certainly is. I’m also not really sure what Mike Mike was wearing under his toga, some sort of man thong. Let’s move on.

2. Kenny & Wes (LW: 1)
Mr. Beautiful and his pale friend also earned a spot in the Finals, but may have lost a friend in Johnny Bananas who wasn’t happy with the way everything went down and the fact that Wes was seemingly running things for the team. However this team gets high marks because they know the important thing is to win BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Wes also started shit with Cara Maria by pouring an entire 2-liter bottle of soda on her head, making her cry and long for Abram. Unlike the other teams, Kenny and Wes still don’t get along very well which could hurt them in the Finals. Wes needs to stop being a passive-aggressive punk who underestimates Kenny’s abilities. Just sayin’.

3. Adam & CT (LW: 4)
It was another underwhelming week for Adam and the beast CT. They were DQ’ed in the Challenge and CT’s love life and face-eating life have quieted down. CT and Laurel seem about done after CT claimed to wear black at the last Challenge even though he looked like Papa Smurf. Adam seems to be finally giving CT his friendship which is all CT ever wanted besides the taste of human flesh. The beast is chomping at the bit in preparation for the Jungle, but Adam may be letting people get into head so I don’t know what TO BE CONTINUED…………………

4. Johnny Bananas & Tyler (LW: 2)
This team is cool when it’s smooth sailing but when adversity strikes it’s like they’re in steerage on the Titanic. Johnny is mad at Kenny for not wanting to go into the Jungle for some reason while Tyler is freaking out at everyone that voted them in. Maybe it’s karma for Johnny throwing cookies at Mike Mike and a water bottle at Cara Maria when they were both crying. Now Tyler is getting into hissy fits with Paula and Roy Lee instead of getting ready for the Jungle, which appears to be a very physical competition involving football pads and ramming your opponent. I’m going to go ahead and give CT the advantage on this one. Tyler and Johnny both competed against CT during the last Challenge so they at least know what they’re getting into but can anyone truly prepare for the beast?  I haven’t been this excited for a rematch since Tyson-Holyfield II and I would say that once again there’s a high chance somebody gets a body part eaten off. At least, hopefully things go better for Johnny than last time.

Sluts
1. Jenn with 2 n’s & Mandi (LW: 1)
According to my very detailed notes, this was the only girls team that didn’t have somebody who cried. Works for me.

2. Evelyn & Paula Walnuts (LW: 2)
Everything was going so well for Paula this year. No meltdowns. No backstabs. She has a boyfriend that she loves when she’s drunk. This is her best chance to win ever. She was enjoying her first night in Buenos Aires like anyone would, having a wrestling orgy while her skirt flies up and her ass has to get censored, when she decided to get involved with Wes and Cara Maria’s skirmish. Laurel would have none of that and opened up some past wounds. And thus, we had the obligatory Paula Walnuts crying scene that no Challenge season can go without. I got Paula’s back though. There’s nothing wrong with fake boobs.

3. Cara Maria & Laurel (LW: 3)
These girls are a mess. First, Wes dumps the soda on Cara Maria and she just sits there sobbing instead of getting back at him. Then, Laurel was really mean to Paula. Like really mean. You don’t talk about eating disorders. That’s a low blow. She did the same thing to Big Easy last year and then cried like a baby on the reunion because of it. Laurel, baby, you’re better than that. On the positive side, Laurel did defend Cara Maria and they seem to be bonding pretty well. They also made out at the Buenos Aires nightclub so they’ve got that going for them.

Larry David Is A Pimp

Posted: August 10, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, Larry David

What a week for Larry David. He was in the first row at the Yanks-Sox game next to the legendary Woody Harrelson and was so captivating as he held court with the fans around him that Michael Kay and David Cone talked about him on the broadcast for like 10 minutes. Larry David got significant airtime during a Yanks-Sox game! Who else could pull that off?

Earlier in the week, L.D. was at a Rolling Stone party and shot down Miss New York while they were waiting in line for the elevator. Chicks love it when you shoot them down. They were probably banging on the way up to the rooftop. Larry then apparently had a gaggle of hotties calling for him at the party. You’d never think an old bald guy would get that much action but Larry has a way of making people feel like shit and if there’s one thing I know it’s that GIRLS LOVE TO BE MADE TO FEEL LIKE SHIT. It also probably doesn’t hurt that he has millions of dollars in the bank.

NY Daily News

Trivia Time: Jersey Shore Edition

Posted: August 10, 2011 by Keith Stone in Jersey Shore, trivia

Jersey Shore is back and the crew is living it up in Florence, Italy this time around. Not much has changed. Ronnie still cries a lot, the Situation is still a lovable douchebag, and Vinny still has the biggest cock in the world. That bring us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and you get to smoosh Snooki. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

Which two Jersey Shore cast members are actually from New Jersey? (and a hint: it is not the duck phone)

Read the rest of this entry »

Shut Up, Lupica

Posted: August 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in Mike Lupica, U!S!A!

Stick to writing about sports. And this has been another installment of Shut Up, Lupica.