Trivia Time: MTA Edition

Posted: September 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in MTA, trivia
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I was cast as an extra on the new TV show Pan Am (Sundays at 10 on ABC!) and had to go to a costume fitting at a studio in Brooklyn the other day. I ended up taking about eight trains on the way, but it gave me plenty of time to study the subway map, which may be one the most addicting things in the world. There’s so many stops! That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and the mariachis will play a song for you. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

Which is the only subway line that does not go into Manhattan? (and a hint: it is not the K train, although there should be a K train, dammit)

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Preschool Owner Jackie Chan Steals $2.5 Million

Posted: September 23, 2011 by Keith Stone in crime and punishment, school, the kids
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Ever wonder what it would look like if Kim Jong-Il was arrested for stealing $2.5 million? Now we know. Jiming Shen was charged with using fraudulent information to get $2.5 million in government funding for his preschool in Staten Island, which he spent on homes and other businesses. After posting bail and being released from jail, Shen went nuts on the cameramen outside the courthouse, doing what can best be described as fat-man karate. He managed to bloody a photographer’s nose and was promptly re-arrested, shattering the record for quickest arrest after being released from jail set by this guy. In a show of loyalty, his loving wife managed to run away and jump on a bus. Shen suffered a broken arm in the ordeal.

Wherever Randy Johnson is right now, I’m sure he’s smiling. Shen needs to forget about running preschools and become a movie star. Pair him with Kevin Hart and make a Martial Law remake. Let’s do this people!


NY Daily News

Yanks Rule the East (Again)

Posted: September 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, champagne, MLB, Yankees
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As I predicted in March, another baseball season is coming to an end with Boston’s faces up the Yankees’ asses. The Red Sox can continue to choke the season away all they want, Captain Jeter is kicking it old school spraying champagne on Kim Jones with no goggles. It was another great day for the Bombers, who pieced together a doubleheader sweep of the Devil Rays using approximately 46 pitchers in the first game and then in the best moment of the season, having Jorge Posada drive in the game-winning runs as a pinch hitter in the second game. The Yankees are finally getting healthy and should clinch home field throughout the AL playoffs in a few days. The opportunity to rest will be vital. There are still questions about the pitching rotation but it looks like Ivan Nova is stepping up and will be a solid choice to go after CC. The postseason starts next week…

The Return of the Jets

Posted: September 22, 2011 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHL, Winnipeg, Winnipeg Jets
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A while back, I wrote about how important it was that hockey was returning to Winnipeg. Here’s video from the first preseason game up there and it did not disappoint. The crowd was 15,000 strong and loud from beginning to end. That’s why you put a team in a city that wants it.

Dumbass Released From Jail, Arrested Later That Day

Posted: September 21, 2011 by Keith Stone in crime and punishment, ridiculous
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If you were just released from jail, what would be the first thing you do? Get a nice meal? Spend time with friends and family? Fuck some thick bitches? Roosevelt Rose did none of these things. Fresh off a prison sentence for cocaine possession, the career criminal with 43 convictions immediately went out, punched some guy, and stole his cell phone. When he was arrested, Rose announced, “I just beat a drug charge.” It’s a interesting way to celebrate, but with a name like Roosevelt Rose could you really ever be anything but a career criminal? OK, maybe a pastor like Jesse Jackson or something. I wonder if he puts “criminal” on his tax forms and his resume. I’d love to see him at a job interview. “Yeah, for the last six years I’ve been a criminal but I’m looking forward to joining the team at Best Buy.” Just doesn’t sound right. Roosevelt Rose, you just go on committing crimes, buddy. Just stay away from me.

NY Daily News

Classic Video of the Week: Born To Host

Posted: September 21, 2011 by Keith Stone in Emmys, Jimmy Fallon, TV, videos
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Jane Lynch hosted this year’s Emmys. She did a decent job but for my money, nobody comes close to the job that Jimmy Fallon did last year. He started off the show with a bang, with a star-studded rendition of Born To Run. When you have Tina Fey, Joel McHale, and Jon Hamm collaborate on anything, you know it’s going to be good. If only Jimmy’s talk show was this funny.

WEEK 68 – Win Column

Posted: September 20, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 Giants, football, Giants, NFL, St. Louis Rams
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Giants 28, Rams 16

It was an encouraging win for the Giants. Not great but solid. It was looking dicey at the beginning there but the Boley touchdown was huge. Also big was the fact that Eli was able to shake off his bad start. That first interception was horrible and set a bad tone for the game. Hixon and Cruz are gradually working themselves into the offense, which is huge, but the injuries to Manningham and Hixon could nullify that. Can we please get through a few games without losing any more players? The D is improving but still gave up way too much to Bradford. Tuck coming back really helped and Osi’s return should make up for the large deficiencies in the secondary. When Deon Grant got “injured,” I almost started crying. Next week is going to be a dogfight.

Go Yanks (But Only By 3 Or Fewer Runs)

Posted: September 20, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Mariano Rivera, MLB, Yankees
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I went to the Yanks game and saw Mo Rivera pick up save #602. Kind of a fun, weird game. On the one hand, there was a ton of anticipation in the air knowing that the record might get broken. On the other hand, the Yanks needed to be up by 1-3 runs by the ninth inning. With A.J. Burnett and the immortal Scott Diamond on the mound, it seemed like a longshot either way. Luckily, both pitchers were equally shitty, the Yanks carried a 6-4 lead into the ninth, and history was made. I’ve never rooted against the Yanks to win but only by a few runs. Not too fun. In the eighth, I was happy that they got a few runners on base and then actively pulled against them, but only for that half-inning. Bizarre.

I’ve always thought the save is overrated but Mariano is so humble, that the accolades don’t get on my nerves as they might if it was another closer. The save might be a bogus stat but coming in when the game is on the line and having ice water in your veins to lock down the game is something special. Mo has that. He couldn’t be as great as he is without his teammates, but it sure isn’t bad to have the greatest closer of all-time coming out of the bullpen to lock down a big game. If anything, this record celebrates his longevity and the fact that he’s been so great for so long is legit. Mickey Rooney is jealous.

Jabroni of the Week: MLB Schedule Makers

Posted: September 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in baseball, Bud Selig, jabronis, MLB
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Major League Baseball released the schedule for the 2012 season this past week. I couldn’t help but notice that it kicked off on April 4. That means the last game is going to be played on October 3. With an expanded playoffs, the World Series might start in November. Here in the Northeast, it’s already pretty cold. It’s no fun to sit outside when it’s freezing for a four-hour baseball game, no matter how important it is.

This year, Game 7 of the World Series is scheduled to take place on October 27. It’s a little late but fine. At the same time, the season started in March. No matter what, there’s going to be games that are played when it’s far too cold. At least at the beginning of the season you can schedule them in domes and warm weather. The real problem is that the season is too long but nobody is ever going to change it. The teams make money off the additional games and traditionalists would throw a fit if anything ever changed. That’s why baseball is so ass-backwards to begin with.

Schedule makers, babies, I have a perfect plan for you. You’re never going to do it but hear me out. Change everything. Shorten the regular season to 100 games from the middle of April to the middle of September. Give teams more off days. We’ll see better played games. Extend the playoffs. Make every series a best-of-nine.

If teams are judged by their long-term resolve in the regular season, let’s see the same thing happen in the playoffs. Why should a team get eliminated after 162 games if they hit a three-game skid of bad luck? Feel free to realign the leagues and add additional teams to the playoffs. It never made sense to me that the AL West has four teams when the NL Central has six.

We’ll still get a World Series ending in mid-to-late October but this time the best team will really win. The extra playoff games won’t make up for the loss of regular season ones but they will be more exciting and engaging than the previous version. Baseball has been stuck in the past for a long time. Just because this is the way it’s always been done, doesn’t mean it’s the right way. If that was true, we wouldn’t have streaming porn. Turn the system upside-down. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brothers.

WEEK 2 Picks: Nobody Knows Anything

Posted: September 17, 2011 by Keith Stone in 2011 NFL Picks, football, NFL
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It seemed like it would be easy to figure out. Teams that stayed together through the lockout would come out of the gate flying and defenses would rule the day as offenses struggled to jell. Instead, there were upsets aplenty and it was a near historic week for offenses. It’s kind of like when you start dating a girl. Everything is going well and you think you know what to expect. That was the preseason. Pretty soon, you find out she has night terrors and hits you while you’re sleeping. Not that it’s happened to me before. We all got slapped in the face by a sleeping girl in WEEK 1, with a combined 28-42 record and only I managed to stay above .500. Rory has guaranteed victory this week with at least nine wins, which would equal the win total of the 2011 Nets. Let’s see what lessons we learned for WEEK 2.

BEARS AT SAINTS (-6.5)
Stone: Saints
I can’t imagine the Saints starting 0-2.

Rodave: Saints

Rory: Bears

DP Animal: Saints
Last week’s showing against the Falcons was impressive for Chicago, but they’ll face a different challenge this week against a Saints team looking to put the season opener behind them.

Phanatic: Saints

CHIEFS AT LIONS (-8.5)
Stone: Lions
Detroit looks like a legit threat to make the playoffs. If Matt Stafford stays healthy, that is.

Rodave: Lions

Rory: Lions

DP Animal: Lions
Detroit’s dismantling of Tampa Bay might just be the sign of a Lions team ready to actually push for the playoffs.  Meanwhile, the Chiefs are coming off their worst home loss ever, with question marks up and down their roster.  If momentum can kick in after one week, this one looks pretty straightforward.

Phanatic: Lions

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