Archive for the ‘chicks’ Category

Rachel Uchitel Is An Idiot and Poor, Still Hot

Posted: July 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, golf, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods
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Rachel Uchitel “earned” $10 million from Tiger Woods in exchange for not saying anything about their affair. Now it looks like she had to give it all back after appearing on Celebrity Rehab and blabbing about her made-up love addiction. She literally had to sit around all day and not be a fame whore, and she couldn’t do it. She didn’t even ruin her shit on a good show. Did she think that crying to Dr. Drew would land her a daytime talk show or something? Let this be a lesson to all your celebrity gold diggers out there. Get your money and get out of the game. And hey, Rach, I can buy you dinner sometime if you’d like. You can choose any Mickey D’s value meal you want.

TMZ

Do Not Kiss CurlySue

Posted: June 10, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, romance
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Our friend CurlySue (remember her?) had herself a fun weekend with a gentleman friend named TrustFund. There were candlelit dinners, horse-drawn carriage rides, and romantic sunsets. OK, maybe they actually just met at a bar. Still, TrustFund was so head over heels with CurlySue, he actually fell head over heels while they were dancing and broke his face. Be careful around her, boys. She’s dangerous. Here are the pics.

BEFORE

AFTER

My Future Ex-Wife Just Turned 7

Posted: June 10, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, England, ridiculous, the kids
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Poppy Burge just celebrated her seventh birthday. Her mother, Sarah, got her a present that any responsible adult who organizes swingers parties and has spent over a half-million dollars on her own plastic surgery would: a voucher for a tit job when she turns 16. Sarah and Poppy are from England, so I’m going to have to assume that’s how they do things over there. In a related story, I’m moving to England.

When she received the voucher, Poppy apparently squealed like the woman she once will be. Luckily, judging from the picture above, she already appears to know what position the boys like her mouth to be in. Of her future funbags, Poppy says, “I can’t wait to be like Mommy with big boobs. They’re pretty.” Ah, the youths. They are so smart in their innocence. Poppy also got a computer for her birthday so holler at me in 10 years, girl. stats@rainmansuite.com

Daily Mail

Queen James Is Jennifer Aniston

Posted: June 9, 2011 by Keith Stone in basketball, chicks, NBA, NBA Finals, Queen James, Rashard Lewis
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Now the big rumor is that Rashard Lewis fucked LeBron’s girl down in Sohttps://rainmansuite.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1454&action=edituth Beach. Whether or not it’s true isn’t the real problem. It’s that LeBron has no respect around the league so people can say whatever they want about him and then he plays like a bitch. First his mom, now this. If this was me and people were questioning my heart and making stories, I’d go out, score 50, and throw some elbows. I have the feeling he won’t.

Twackle

Classic Video of the Week: Chicks Dig the Long Ball

Posted: May 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, commercials, Greg Maddux, Mets, Tom Glavine, videos
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The Mets lost to the Florida Marlins 2-1 the other night when relief pitcher Burke Badenhop drove in the winning run in the 11th inning for his second career hit. Only the Mets find new and more embarrassing ways to lose. In their honor, we celebrate one of the best commercials of all-time.

The Maxim Hot 100 List Is Garbage

Posted: May 8, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, Maxim, ridiculous
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The Maxim Hot 100 is always good for a laugh. Although Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is a very solid pick for #1, it seems like the list was created by seventh graders (maybe since it’s Maxim’s target demo). Where’s Amber Lancaster? Where’s Amber Heard? Was there some sort of ban against hot chicks named Amber? I get that Olivia Munn likes video games and Star Wars and she’s pretty cute, but #2?!?!?!?!? Is she hotter than January Jones? Brooklyn Decker was #36! Any list in which Brooklyn Decker is #36 is flawed. There are simply not 35 other chicks that are hotter than Brooklyn Decker in the world. It’s like saying The Beatles are the 36th greatest band of all-time.

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>Life-Size Barbie Hotter Than Regular Girls Despite Lack Of Hands

Posted: April 19, 2011 by Keith Stone in Barbie, chicks, ridiculous
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I think I’m in love. As part of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (more food for me), Galia Slayen created a life-size doll representing what Barbie would look like if she were a real person. Barbie’s measurements are 39/18/33, so I don’t see what the problem is. She’s not going to dominate the conversation, has a flawless complexion, and look at that rack. We just need the guy from Edward Scissorhands to make some hands for her that aren’t scissors and my future wife is ready. Yeah, I like to hold hands because I’m a romantic. Barbie, come holler at me in The Suite.

MSNBC

A Girl Knows More About Sports Than Me

Posted: April 18, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, comeuppance, March Madness
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As part of losing my March Madness Battle of the Sexes with CurlySue, I was forced to stand in the middle of Times Square with a sign that says, “A girl knows more about sports than me.” In a related story, join me in The Suite for extended NBA and NHL Playoff coverage later this week. This was one of the low points of my life. Here are the pictures. If you love Asian tourists, this is right up your alley.

>Toronto Screwjob

Posted: April 16, 2011 by Keith Stone in Canada, chicks
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Just when things look like they’re gonna heat up in Toronto with a little girl-on-girl kiss cam action at the 1:30 mark…heartbreak city. That’s why the Leafs didn’t make the playoffs. I wonder if those chicks were at the Slut Walk?

>The Continental Stalking New Jersey Coeds

Posted: April 7, 2011 by Keith Stone in chicks, crime and punishment
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Tony Kadyhrob is a ladies’ man. He’s charming. He has a car with racing stripes. It’s almost like Katy Perry wrote Teenage Dream about him. There’s only one problem. Kadyhrob was banned from going to any school property in New Jersey after trying to pull a female student into his car at Rider University. After being arrested at Rider, he showed up cruising for chicks three days later at the College of New Jersey. He’s also been spotted at Princeton and Rutgers. This guy just likes college girls. Of his troubles, Kadyhrob says, “Tony Kadyhrob is not intimidated by this joke, a little nothing that never occurred and I will be found innocent without a doubt.” He even speaks in the third person. How does this guy not already have a hot sorority girl to share a bottle of champagna with?

 
NJ.com
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