Trivia Time: Defunct Hockey Teams

Posted: March 8, 2012 by Keith Stone in hockey, NHL, trivia
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You guys remember hockey? I hear the Rangers are doing pretty well this season. In fact, they’re absolutely crushing it at MSG going 22-7-2. Interestingly enough, the Rangers haven’t been the only pro hockey team to call the Garden home. It’s hosted two other teams, one in the NHL and one in the WHA, but none as popular as the Blueshirts. That brings us to our Question of the Week. Get it right and stay out of the penalty box. The answer, as always, is after the jump.

Which two major professional hockey teams other than the Rangers have played their home games at Madison Square Garden? (and a hint: it is not the Charlestown Chiefs or Hamilton Mustangs)

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All the Nips That’s Fit To Print

Posted: March 8, 2012 by Keith Stone in media
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I know that the print industry has been hit hard, but if this is any indication about where it’s going, newspapers may not be completely dead. The New York Times published the above picture in an article about yoga last week. Look at the chick on the top right. It’s a nipple! There was a nipple in the Times. How has nobody noticed this? Now I know I’m a trendsetter but I didn’t think the newspaper of record would be copying The Suite after only a year. I figured it’d take at least a year and a half. What’s next? A Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum Girl on every page? You’d definitely have a lot more people reading the paper and being informed about current events. This is exactly what the country needs. I’d read Larry Flint’s Wall St. Journal.

Jonathan Papelbon Compares Trash To Garbage

Posted: March 8, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB
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New Phillies closer and still douchebag Jonathan Papelbon went on the radio in Philadelphia today to talk about the transition to his new team from the Red Sox. Papelbon described Philly fans by saying they “tend to know the game a little better” although Boston was “a bit more hysterical.” Talk about a low blow for Boston. Saying that Philly is smarter than you is like telling a chick Snooki is cuter than her.

Really, though, are Philly and Boston fans really that much different? The Phanactics are a bunch of degenerates, and the Beaneaters are a bunch of toolish frontrunners. It’s the equivalent of picking the smartest kid in the Special Olympics or Matthew McConaughey’s best movie.

My favorite subplot in all of this is yet another former Red Sox taking a shit on the team after leaving. Wasn’t Pap Smear supposed to be the ultimate Red Sox? Brash, confident, asshole. Then, the Sox make an underwhelming contract offer and he can’t wait to spew venom. What a class act. He’s going to be a perfect fit in Philadelphia.

However, it’s becoming more and more clear that nobody likes playing in Boston. It’s going to take a lot more than throwing money around, banning beer, or bringing in a clown as manager to fix the problem. In baseball, chemistry shouldn’t matter but it does. Say what you want about Joe Girardi’s antics from the motivational quotes to the team improv outing but at least he’s working to get his players to like each other. That goes a long way during the dog days and is a hell of a lot better than fried chicken.

ESPN

Lindsay Lohan: Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum

Posted: March 7, 2012 by Keith Stone in dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum
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So what if she couldn’t remember her lines on SNL, Lindsay Lohan was still funnier than Andy Samberg and most importantly, she was looking fine. Like a boxer with a knockout punch, any chick with cans like Lindsay always has a fighting shot. It doesn’t matter how many times she makes a fool out of herself or goes to jail. I also liked the fact that she was willing to make light of situation. This sketch was especally funny, despite the obvious cue card reading. Couldn’t they have shot it from a better camera angle? Don’t worry, Linds, I’m on your side. She likes dudes again, right? Dayyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

Hide the White Girls

Posted: March 7, 2012 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA
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Accused rapist Kobe Bryant debuted a new black face mask last night to protect the broken nose he suffered at the All-Star Game. As such, I feel like I owe all our female readers a warning to be on the lookout. Remember that when he does the thing with his bottom jaw, it means he’s going for the trinity. If Kobe ever wore the black mask with a Los Lakers jersey at home, I’m pretty sure the LAPD would arrest him on the spot.

Jabroni of the Week: Snooki

Posted: March 4, 2012 by Keith Stone in jabronis, TV
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Snooki has the best job in the world. She gets paid an untold fortune for drinking, acting like an idiot, and talking about herself. Most of us do the same things for free. She could literally hold MTV hostage because the ratings for anything she does are so high. From Jersey Shore a spinoff featuring her and JWoww was being ready to be filmed in Jersey City. There was pretty much nothing Snooki could do to fuck up her career because her career was all about getting fucked up. Nothing besides getting pregnant.

You can’t get fucked up if you’re pregnant. You can’t get too fucked up once you have a kid. I’m sure there’s going to be a show called Snooki & Pregnant but MTV would really, really be stretching the limits of good taste. Surprisingly, some of us who watch Jersey Shore have standards. I don’t mind seeing Snooki do cartwheels with her thong hanging out. I don’t mind seeing Ronnie one shot guidos who give him a dirty look. I don’t mind the MVP kids continuously objectifying and mistreating chicks. But once a kid is involved, it’s not fair to drag him or her into this herpes-riddled mess.

How does Jionni let this happen? The kid fell into a goldmine. Sure, he has to bang Snooki but it’s a small price to pay to come along for the ride. Don’t think he doesn’t get a nice paycheck every time he pops up on the show. He has to do even less work than she does. If he gets into an argument with her once or twice a season, he’s done his job. Now he has to deal with a pregnant Snooki. Can you imagine what she’s going to be like when she’s pregnant or when she’s a mom? The smart play was to put up with this for a few years, bank some money, and have fun going places and getting comped because your girlfriend is a TV star. Not a bad life for your early 20’s. Now Jionni is going to have to deal with Snooki for 18 years. I thought he was supposed to be the conservative one. Shouldn’t he have been wearing two condoms at a time, even if she was infertile? Either that or dissolve extra birth control in her morning vodka.

Snooks, babe, I really hope you’ve been managing your money well. Forget about appearing at nightclubs or Wrestlemania anymore. You made more out of your life than should have been humanly possible. It really is a condemnation of our world as a whole, but hey, I can’t blame you for taking advantage of society’s ills. Remember what the MKS tells you before you go for #2, though. Always make the guy pull out or let him put it in your ass. If the most important rule at the Jersey Shore is never fall in love, surely this is next. May God have mercy on your baby’s soul. Until then, you’re a jabroni, brother.

Is LeBron James Still An Eunuch?

Posted: March 3, 2012 by Keith Stone in basketball, NBA
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Yeppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp. Winners always want the ball when the game is on the line.

Trailer Park: Bending the Rules

Posted: March 2, 2012 by Keith Stone in videos
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I have a new policy. Anytime WWE Studios releases the trailer of one of its “movies,” it’s going in the Trailer Park faster than you can cook up a batch of crystal meth. Their latest foray into “film making” is Bending the Rules “starring” Edge and Jamie Kennedy. Edge “portrays” Blades who appears to be an easygoing, dimwitted police officer who doesn’t mind bending the rules (get it?) while Kennedy “plays” an uptight, straitlaced lawyer who’s forced to embark on a case with Blades. See how that works. They’re opposites. Honestly, I think Edge has potential but maybe as a secondary character paired with a legit actor who can raise his game. It’s like wrestling. Unfortunately, Jamie Kennedy is the Brooklyn Brawler.

How’s A.J. Burnett Working For Ya, Pittsburgh?

Posted: March 1, 2012 by Keith Stone in baseball, MLB
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Oh, A.J., I am so glad you’re not on my team anymore. See you in 2-3 months. Gotta watch out for that BP in the National League.

Goodbye Black History Month

Posted: February 29, 2012 by Keith Stone in crime and punishment
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Black History Month is at an end. Seemed kinda short. I wonder if they put it in February on purpose? As a black man myself (at heart), I have to say that this year was especially tough as Whitney Houston died, Viola Davis lost the Best Actress Oscar to Meryl Streep, two black teams were eliminated from The Challenge, and an Asian rolled the NBA. Things can only go up from here, brothers. And now, there’s only more question left to be answered…

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